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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to leave the dog?

200 replies

gottamove · 15/05/2020 11:07

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

OP posts:
lemontarty · 15/05/2020 11:39

Your partner sounds like a first class twat. Good luck with him being around the baby if the fool couldn't really gauge how bad of an idea it was to get a dog 'as a present' a fucking present ??? Angry

Poor thing.

Your post has really pissed me off too.

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 11:39

Stop piling on the OP. This was visited on her by the baby's father.

Her twat of a partner got himself a dog for Christmas and got her nothing and called it a "gift" to gaslight her into doing all the caring for it and paying all its bills.

OP do rehome the dog without pre warning any of them and move out the same day.

They all sound manipulative and I would highly recommend you have a look at the Women's Aid website re: definitions of emotional abuse. Sadly there are signs here that not all is well.

You're doing the right thing for you and your unborn child. 💐

ravenmum · 15/05/2020 11:39

Rehome the dog quickly - and get guidance on how to do it right.
Apart from anything else, your dp's behaviour as a father is likely to be similar. You'll be effectively a single parent with a dog.

lemontarty · 15/05/2020 11:40

And don't even get me started on him thinking it was ok to bring a baby up in a house of smokers.

He sounds like a right catch OP Hmm

twilightcanine · 15/05/2020 11:40

I agree with @booboostwo but I also agree that this situation was not originally of your making but that you have subsequently accepted the dog and therefore taking on responsibility for it.

The dog should have been rehomed at Christmas rather than kept on as an unwanted gift. Back then it was a small puppy who would have found a home very quickly via a charity. Now it is a naughty youngster, it's chances are diminished.

Take the dog to a reputable charity now. Do not just leave it abandoned with people who do not want it - this is as bad as the original cause of buying it as an unwanted gift.

Do the right thing by the dog, give it a real chance at a proper life.

Justwondered90901 · 15/05/2020 11:41

You are truly heartless this has made me sad :(

FFSFFSFFS · 15/05/2020 11:44

Take the dog to a reputable homing centre - Dogs Trust - do this now - its clearly not having a great life at the moment.

Put the dogs needs above your partners and his parents awfulness.

zafferana · 15/05/2020 11:44

If you don't want the dog, re-home it ASAP. Call Dogs Trust today (or if it's a specific breed you could call a rescue centre for the breed), but don't wait any longer.

Then look for somewhere else to live. If you're already six months pregnant you also need to get on that as a matter of urgency as you definitely don't want a newborn coming home to a house with two smokers (risk of cot death).

Your DP also needs a kick up the arse. What sort of person gets a puppy as a surprise for someone who doesn't want a dog when the two of you are living in someone else's house when they have two cats? He sounds like a selfish arse. I wish you luck having him a a DP and father to your DC.

Original poster
gottamove · 15/05/2020 11:45

@Justwondered90901 how am I heartless?? Did you not read the replies I posted? I'm more upset now then I was before.

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 15/05/2020 11:45

What kind of dog is it?
I would think about having him for you as we have been talking about rehoming

Iwalkinmyclothing · 15/05/2020 11:46

OP did not want the dog. OP did not ask for the dog. OP did not get the dog. OP is the one who has cared for the dog. OP is realistic about why the dog should never have been got in the first place. So what on earth motivates people to give her a kicking? I have to say, it doesn't come off as you being motivated by your great love of dogs so much as your great love of being unpleasant on the internet.

Justwondered90901 · 15/05/2020 11:47

@gottamove I do apologise I have read them and probably was a bit harsh in my reply. Please do put the dog first though.

Crossfitwidow · 15/05/2020 11:49

Honestly just give the dog to someone who will love and care for it. I'd do it sooner rather than later as it seems everyone has bought puppies/rehomed dogs during lockdown.

Once everything goes back to some sort of normality and they aren't cute puppies anymore I predict a lot of dogs will be looking for new homes.

OliviaBenson · 15/05/2020 11:50

What breed is it op? There are breed specific rescuers which we should be able to signpost you to.

But rehoming the dog you will be putting it first, but please do not advertise the dog on Facebook or gumtree. Proper rescue all the way.

I'd then be re-evaluating my relationship with your partner too but that's just me.

Original poster
gottamove · 15/05/2020 11:51

I should've made him take it back when he brought it home but I didn't even think of that. As I said I'm really trying to make the dog as happy as I possibly physically can. If I can find somewhere that takes dogs then I'll take the dog with me but I meant my child is my priority. So I have to rehome him I will. I am trying to find somewhere that takes dogs but I can't so putting off moving till I can find somewhere that is good for me and baby and hopefully the dog too.

OP posts:
twilightcanine · 15/05/2020 11:51

Once everything goes back to some sort of normality and they aren't cute puppies anymore I predict a lot of dogs will be looking for new homes.

I agree. Not least because the timing is likely to be right for them to be at the arsehole teenage stage that already results in so many rehomings.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 15/05/2020 11:52

What type of dog is he?

ilikemethewayiam · 15/05/2020 11:52

Yep, this post has pissed me off too. Another unwanted pet ending up in a shelter. What the hell was your OH thinking! It just breaks my heart that there is still idiots like your OH out there. He sounds like an impulsive man child. Good luck having a child with him. Your situation is ridiculous. Don’t leave the poor dog with your uncaring Outlaws. What kind of life will he have with people that don’t want him or like him! Do the decent thing and take him to the Dogs trust/blue cross or some other no kill rehoming charity.

Jux · 15/05/2020 11:52

Rehome the dog - you know where to look now - and then leave the rest of them behind.

FreshStart13 · 15/05/2020 11:53

To want to leave the dog, not unreasonable. To actually leave it, unreasonable. It deserves to be rehomed with a person/family that will love it. There's nothing unreasonable in saying your not currently in a position to have a dog, even though you want one. That's a responsible reaction. But I'd start looking into rehoming now, not waiting till last minute. You need to find a good reputable organisation that rehomes dogs in your area. Once you have found one given your saying you're not really in a position to look after a dog properly now I'd rehome sooner rather than later. And get hunting for a rental. Id really want to be moved out before bub is due, with or without dp. If he's a decent person he'll take on board that living with his parents isn't working for you and understand why you need to move out.

Merigoround · 15/05/2020 11:53

I have never owned a dog but even I would know that the present set up is not good for any of you.

Not least the poor neighbours who have to put up with a flaming barking dog at 11pm each work night!

In your shoes I would aim to get a flat ,by myself ,and take the dog. You can regroup once youre out of the house you are in now.

OliviaBenson · 15/05/2020 11:53

Op, it's ok if you don't want the dog too. I'm a dog person but this wasn't ever your choice. There is no shame in rehoming in your circumstances. And it would be a kindness to the puppy- a rescue centre will match people with the dog.

dontdisturbmenow · 15/05/2020 11:54

If you were not prepared to commit and didn't think it was a good idea, you should have said so when he was given to you and should have rehomed him then.

You are using the excuse that it wasn't your decision in the first place to justify your feelings. Whichever you put it, you'll be dumping him just like too many people do because a puppy us only fun for a short time and they are cute and easy.

Makes me really angry.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 15/05/2020 11:54

OP, given your partner’s irresponsible behaviour and lack of any effort on his part to actually take proper care of, as in walking, training, etc, of the dog, it doesn’t bode well for the future. If he can’t be arsed helping with the dog, then it looks like you’ll be doing all the baby care too.

VettiyaIruken · 15/05/2020 11:55

Your partner was bloody stupid to get an animal as a surprise gift. In your shoes I would rehome .
Also, I fear you've had a glimpse into your future with this man re your child.
Him Disney daddy, you stuck with 100% of the grunt work.

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