To want to leave the dog?

[gottamove]

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

Head up just in case you do find accommodation that accept pet/dog the landlord most likely expect tenant to hand over another extra deposit for pet's wear and tear of their property.

I’m not much of an animal lover but once you have a pet it becomes your responsibility. Have the poor animal rehoused right away before it becomes more attached to you and the rest of the household. Then make the choices you need to make. Don’t make the poor creature wait around until it’s convenient for you to move it.

YANBU. You didn’t choose to have this dog and you shouldn’t be forced to be saddled with it particularly when it compromises you and your baby’s safety and living space.

Humans trump animals, simple as.

pogmella or a French Bulldog/pug

tinkerpony that's not legal anymore, its caused a real issue for people with pets who want to rent.

Of course you need to move from where you are, you can't have a baby there.

But your first post sounded like you were just going to wash your hands of the dog and leave it at your in laws like you didn't care what happened to it

Getting suitable housing for your baby is a priority but that doesn't remove your responsibility for making sure the dog is in a safe and happy home

Poor dog, rehome him to an owner that will love and care for him properly.

Your partner should have never bought that dog.

If your DP cannot even be responsible for a pet, what will his contribution be to parenting?
I suspect you've chosen a feckless man child for a partner

Please say the breed and age OP, as then people can give you specific advice on how best to re-home him. Some breeds are easier to home than others. Some have their own breed specific rescue, my friend has just rescued a dog from one of these, and waited a few months to get her.
A responsible breeder would not have let your partner buy him as a Christmas present.

The kind of person who would get a dog without even discussing it with his partner is literally a toddler human

You are getting a very hard time and I do understand it a bit, but you weren’t to know the care of this unwanted and asked for “gift” would fall entirely to you.
Your bf sounds like a waste of space though. If you were my beloved daughter or friend I’d recommend:-

• giving the dog to a reputable trust/ charity to rehome. If his worst vice is not listening and he is healthy, he should be easy to find a loving home for.
• move out from his parents’ smokey house BEFORE the baby comes, it may all be too much after.
• think very carefully about your future with this boyfriend. Give the baby your name and see how he steps up as a father before adding him to any deeds or lease agreements. He might be a laugh but is he built on firm foundations?

I’m with @ducksback on page one.

I see all my animals as my family, from day one, no questions asked. They’re my responsibility and I love them. I don’t understand how people don’t form attachments and can just leave them. If you’re the sort of person who is able to keep an animal at arm’s length, never ever get one. They deserve better than you.

I understand you technically didn’t in this circumstance but the dog only knows you and so it has become your responsibility. I think this poor creature needs to be rehomed properly and responsibly, not just dumped with your in-laws who sound like an even worse option for him.

Poor, poor dog.

The dog isnt your problem though?

Your DP and his parents are.

Do you think your partner is going to go all out on parenting his child if he cannot be bothered with the responsibility of a dog?

To say you're being incredibly selfish and cruel towards the dog is an understatement. I can only hope that if you do decide to rehome your "inconvenient" dog that he finds a much nicer, loving home than yours.

Awww poor dog why do people get dogs they don't want to look after makes me sad. Please re home the dog or get your useless bloke to sort it who sounds immature and selfish btw so good luck later on with him

You must’ve know you was pregnant when you got the dog, or at least shortly after. Why didn’t you return him months ago?

Your partner is an absolute arsehole. See this for the red flag it is.

Bully breeds are stubborn, pugs and frenchies are known to be stubborn. Also potential for breathing problems particularly if they get fat so diet and exercise are important.
I could offer a decent home with my dogs but then I could be anyone with really bad intentions.
Rehome with Dogs Trust who will continue the training and find a good owner.
The breeder is an arse as is your DP. I really hope poor dog isn’t from a puppy mill.

@gottamove

I'm a animal lover, love dogs, but currently have a cat I rescued from a friend I no longer speak to who treated him like crap.

I dont think it's fair to blame you for this situation, it's clear your trying your best with a bad situation you had no say in.

I'll be honest with you, trying to find somewhere to rent with pets is a nightmare, even more so when your doing it on a tight time limit. We got lucky our landlord accepted the cat as hes perfectly house trained and older, but would have never accepted a dog, nevermind a puppy. I think it's going to be very hard to find somewhere to move with a dog and I wouldnt under estimate how much.harder things will be with a new born and a dog as regardless of your DP is in work you will still need to look after, walk and let the dog out in the day, potentially even worse if your DP is playing with the dog late at night when you've finally settled the lo.

I personally would rehome the dog. I dont think you are going to be in position to provide it with the best possible life for the next year, as theres going to be huge amounts of upheaval anyway, and then once your settled, in a few years time you can look at getting a dog (ideally rescue) hen you have the time and energy to be a responsible pet owner. But I dont think that will be possible for the next year as you've got to manage a house move (I fully support would never bring a baby into a house of smokers), and a new born, which is a first child, which will likely cause enough strain as routines and life gets thrown into chaos without adding the dog into the mix. Having children should be a happy time not one that is over shadowed by the resentment and responsibility of raising a puppy too!

Likewise very likely DP qnd parents wont understand the issue around smoking as they have grown up around it and to them its normal, but preserve! I find often theres a argument of "our kids turned out alright etc" but that's not a valid reason to potentially cause damage to your own from second hand smoke!

"You must’ve know you was pregnant when you got the dog, or at least shortly after. Why didn’t you return him months ago? "

That's what I thought!

Maybe if Op had been able to train it she thought that she could cope with/look after a baby & puppy?

But when push comes to shove she obviously doesn't care that much if she can just leave it.

So best for the dog to go where it will be wanted & cared for.

^12:26Hoppinggreen
tinkerpony that's not legal anymore, its caused a real issue for people with pets who want to rent.^
Sorry I did not know behind the times with that area.
Ignore my post OP.

Leave the dog with the stupid selfish partner and get a flat by yourself

If you won't do that, responsibly rehome the dog

@gottamove

Contact the Dogs Trust and see if they can help you, they won't judge. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and finding a smoke free home to raise your baby in.

www.dogstrust.org.uk/rehoming/giving-up-your-dog/

You cant leave the dog!!! How awful!

I'd leave the DP and take the dog.

Yep. I'd be rehoming the DP too. A partner who wants to play with a dog but not do any of the training or responsible parts, isn't likely to step up to fatherhood I'm afraid.

Poor little dog. Please just get the Dogs Trust to rehome it. It must be desperate for love and decent training.