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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to leave the dog?

200 replies

gottamove · 15/05/2020 11:07

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 15/05/2020 12:51

Please rehome your dog ASAP. We have a dog, he is like our third child, it wouldn't ever cross my mind to 'leave him' anywhere.

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/05/2020 12:51

So your dp got you a puppy, without your approval, while you are pregnant and living with his parents, who both smoke and have cats and won't help out with basic ownership of the dog? What a bloody idiot.

You should get out of there asap for the sake of you and your baby and re-home the poor dog to someone who can actually look after it properly.

I'd like a dog but I work full time and have cats so I can't have one. Simple adult logic.

SonjaMorgan · 15/05/2020 12:51

I am a landlord and although we state no dogs we have allowed people to have them.

I imagine this isn't the real issue though and you just don't want the dog.

Pinkdelight3 · 15/05/2020 12:53

Dog aside, the fact that they think you're crazy for wanting to move out of a smoking house, just shows how low their brains are functioning. Remember that and don't let them shout you down with their idiocy. Get the dog to a good home and get yourself and your baby a good home with or without your foolish DP.

leckford · 15/05/2020 12:55

I think it is the ‘D’P who needs to go, total moron. I expect the poor puppy came from a puppy farm.

Windyatthebeach · 15/05/2020 12:55

Your bf does know your baby can't visit there right? Even second hand smoke whilst pregnant isn't great...

Gawdsake2020 · 15/05/2020 12:55

Rehome the dog.
But don’t get another one in the future.

OneMomentInHistory · 15/05/2020 12:56

Rehome the dog. Ignore the people piling on you here - you're in the situation you're in, and now the right thing to do is find a suitable home for the dog. Google it's breed and 'rescue', look up local dog charities. Don't advertise it on gumtree etc.

Even if you can find a rental which accepts dogs, it's not going to have a good life. You will be trying to look after it and the baby yourself, as it's obvious your partner won't step up and take responsibility for either.

Chickoletta · 15/05/2020 12:57

Rehome the dog. Not in some hypothetical future because of an imaginary house but right now. He deserves better.

Weallhavevalidopinions · 15/05/2020 12:58

I guess the 'Dogs are not just for Christmas' didn't reach your partner or you then!

Find a decent home or shelter - poor dog deserves better.

Mellonsandgrapes · 15/05/2020 13:00

Please don’t advertise the dog on Facebook or gumtree at any place like that. Please contact the dogs trust so they can make sure it goes to a good home

BubblyBarbara · 15/05/2020 13:02

I guess the 'Dogs are not just for Christmas' didn't reach your partner or you then!

Give OP a break. She was forcibly given a dog as a "surprise" and now everyone on here is having a go at her because she's not treating it like the next coming of our Lord.

viewfromthecouch · 15/05/2020 13:03

Find the dog a good home and dump the boyfriend. Move.

Seriously.

Your Boyfriend got a dog without asking you. Then dumped 100% of his care on you, while he's 'disney dog dad' and only does playtime.

What on earth do you think he's going to be like with a baby? Magically change?

hahahahahahaahahahahahahaaha

You will be doing all the grunt work, heavy lifting, nappies, cleaning up, while still juggling the damn dog you didn't ask for or want, while he becomes 'Disney dad' to baby, too.

Run.

FamBae · 15/05/2020 13:03

I do feel for you and I'm sorry your DP foisted this poor pup on you. I think it's time for you to be 100% honest with yourself and really think about how you will cope with a puppy and a baby even in the perfect house, dogs still need more exercise than letting out the back door no matter how large your garden. You have done an amazing job raising this little pup who is still only 6 months old, but I think to leave him with you in laws would be unfair as like you they did not ask for this dog. There's no shame in re homing a pet, give your dog a chance to live in a home where he will be the centre of attention and loved dearly and you can rest easy knowing you have done the right thing. I gave a home to my little fellow when he was ten months old from a single mum who really couldn't afford to keep him he also had been bought home by a partner, he had the best life with us.

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 15/05/2020 13:06

What a shit show. Poor poor dog. Your partner sounds like a waste of space. I forsee him being useless when baby comes.

LeahDownTheLane · 15/05/2020 13:06

I’d start by getting in touch with all of your local and any breed specific rescue. Please give this dog a chance to have a proper home with people who have actually thought about what they’re committing themselves to.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 15/05/2020 13:09

This is not in reference to you, OP, but this is why I’m glad that the rescue centre here are refusing to permit adoptions at this time. It will prevent a lot of bored people getting dogs, when they’ve given no consideration to what will happen later.

Itsjustmee · 15/05/2020 13:10

If your DP is shit with a puppy I dread to think what he would he like with a baby

Juls121 · 15/05/2020 13:11

Poor dog :( This post makes me really sad. Contact dogs trust etc and rehome so he has some chance of being with a loving family.

Cattermole · 15/05/2020 13:11

OK you need to rehome the dog. Not YABU or YANBU, you need to.

That poor little bugger has bonded with you, he doesn't know anybody else. You are pretty much his entire world in a very confusing and probably quite distressing, for a little dog, universe. Very shortly you are going to have another little being who is going to depend on you totally. Dogs don't always understand that.

Not trying to make you feel bad in any way, OP, but please, please, please, get the dog rehomed ASAP because babies and jealous dogs are not a good combination. My mum had to rehome her very much beloved dog when she was expecting me because the dog became incredibly possessive and she was worried that when I was born Peppy would want to "defend" mum against me.

FourPlasticRings · 15/05/2020 13:17

Dear me, I thought everyone must've seen the 'A dog is for life not just for Christmas' ad campaign?

Your partner needs to have his arse handed to him over this. What is he, eight?

1forAll74 · 15/05/2020 13:24

A puppy for Christmas says it all, a partner who decides to do this, says it all, your unsuitable home situations for a puppy, what more can one say..The puppy is unwanted, it's all very sad, find a new home for the puppy. !!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/05/2020 13:28

You need to rehome him or hand him over to a rescue centre NOW before he bonds with you even more

This ^

The younger he is, the easier it is to settle.

Your DP was stupid. That poor dog must be going bananas, and your DP playing with him and getting him over-excited late at night isn't helping matters either.

And PLEASE - don't get another - ever! You will have a child to look after, and your DP doesn't actually do any of the work - it just isn't fair on you, your baby or the dog - especially the dog!

fascinated · 15/05/2020 13:32

I feel sorry for you if your partner is this inconsiderate

MangoHat · 15/05/2020 13:35

OP is getting a hard time here. Her DP is a selfish idiot and deserves the blame.

OP please take the advice to look at the best ways to rehome your dog. You’ve done your best to give him a nice life. I’m guessing he didn’t come from a proper breeder so who knows what life he would have had if he hadn’t come to you first.

  1. rehome dog (just do it don’t let your DP talk you round)
  2. find new smoke free home for you and baby asap- this will be easier without the dog.
  3. keep an eye on how much your DP does. Hold onto your financial independence as you’re not married. Don’t find yourself in the situation of not working, saddled with all the child care and no money of your own or say in how your house runs.
  4. don’t let your ILs smoke in your house!
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