To want to leave the dog?

[gottamove]

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

As a pp says even if you find a suitable rental it's going to be very difficult for you dealing with a young dog, a newborn, and a man who appears to be of little help. As your 6 months pregnant that time is going to come round very quickly. Take pp's advice about where to take him. Don't be more upset. You came on here to get the right advice on where to take the dog, so under the circumstances you have done the best thing for him you could, with little help from anyone else at home.

@gottamove
No your'e not being unreasonable, & I agree with pp GreenFingersWouldBeHandy. Your priorities have changed , and now the health of your baby comes first. Remember you didn't ask for the dog, and it can be rehomed with the Dogs Trust, who never put a healthy dog down.
Regarding the smoking, I'm with you 100% on that issue. Yes, it's your partner's parents' house, so their rules apply, but I believe you can't even foster now if you smoke. My ex husband used to smoke when my kids were little, so we were all passive smokers. Someone bought him cigars when my 1st child was born, and he was hooked on up to 40 cigs a day from then on, he previously didn't smoke.
Well done for prioritising for your baby's sake & best wishes.

Sounds like your heart wasn't in it from day 1 which is when you should have done the responsible thing and rehomed him somewhere where he was wanted and loved and not treated like one big inconvenience. Do the right thing by him now and stay away from keeping animals if you can't treat them properly.

I’m glad you’re looking after the dog OP, I can see you were dropped into this situation. Definitely rehome the dog ASAP via proper decent channels (rescue charity or registered rehoming organisation - no classified ads or FB rehoming). I’d do this first before you make any other decision. Don’t let your partner have a say. It’s never a good idea to get a dog just before children as both are significant pulls on your time and it’s the dog who usually pays the price. Either that or the character of the dog only becomes apparent once there’s a small child in the mix with fatal consequences. It’s unfair on everyone including the dog.

Once the dog is safely rehomed then rehome yourself and rehome your partner elsewhere via the classified ads or FB (I’m joking, but only just). Good luck with your pregnancy.

All these people comparing a baby to a dog 🙄
OP I’m sure your DP will take more responsibility with the baby because it’s a BABY. A hell of a lot different to a dog.

You should rehome the dog as quickly as possible and start to focus on what’s best for you and your DC

All these people comparing a baby to a dog 🙄
OP I’m sure your DP will take more responsibility with the baby because it’s a BABY. A hell of a lot different to a dog.

I found a puppy harder work than a baby, they're not necessarily a bad comparison.

@Somerandomshittyname what makes you so sure?

If he is not able to properly look after one helpless dependent living being what makes you think he'll be any better with another helpless dependent living being just because it's a baby?

I think everyone is pilling on your unfairly

It wasn't your idea to get w dog. It wasn't your idea to look after etc. You ARE trying to get out of the house. I mean for some people it's literally unless I live here. I'm homeless and a house with smokers is better than no house

It seems like you're trying your best

You need to rehome the dog. You need to make sure he's rehomed properly too. Please don't sell him on gumtree it facebay. He needs to be properly rehomed. I fostered dogs for many years. So I can help if you want to pm me. I know what channels to go down. Who to contact. Don't give him away for free as that brings all the dog fighters out. Who put it in a ring to be pulled apart. Literally

However you DO have to address your situation. Your partner seems like he's not going to be much help when the bay is born. Babies are 10 tines the work of a dog and you don't want both at the same time

The other MASSIVE issue that I don't think anyone has spoken about. But I haven't RTFT. Is that you've got a new dog. With what's going to be a new baby. You don't fully know the dog. You don't know how he's going to react and if you do still have the dog. MAKE SURE HES NEVER LEFT ALONE WITH THE BABY. Never. Not even to go to the toilet. Please. If anything. Learn from this thread. Don't do that

You're doing the right things op. You're trying to deal with this and sort it.

A baby is a baby and a dog is an animal.... I don’t care what anyone says, they are not the same and should not be compared.

It’s not fair or rational to insist to OP that her DP is going to be a shit dad because he doesn’t look after their dog.

Her DP has abdicated responsibility for a living creature under his care.
A puppy is easier to look after than a baby, I'd be quite worried in her position.

OP please rehome the dog to Dogs Trust. They will find him a suitable home which is better for him than the current situation, or any future situation which might be you, a teenage dog and a newborn baby on your own in a flat...

If her DP thinks it is acceptable to let her do 100% of the work for a puppy that HE bought then I think it's a pretty good indication that he will be a shit dad and allow the OP to do the lions share of the work when it comes to a new baby. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour he is clearly an immature irresponsible moron.... you cannot expect him to suddenly change once a baby is born

It was irresponsible of your partner to buy you a dog you didn't ask for. If you find the dog a nuisance now it will be a real inconvenience when the baby arrives. I think it's good that you have recognized this and been honest with yourself. I would not discuss it further with your partner of his parents. I would arrange to take it to a rehoming centre and not tell them which one. Although you didn't ask for it I do think you have a responsibility to make sure it goes to a good home, a rehoming centre will be able to screen potential owners to make sure the dog goes to people able to properly look after it.
Please don't leave it with your partners parents, if they have shown no interest in looking after it so far then I think they will be unlikely to in the future.

I don't think you're in the wrong here, your husband is. You didn't ask for the dog and the circumstances are far from perfect.

I feel for both you and the dog. It's not fair on either of you. The dog needs to be rehomed, and your husband needs to grow up.

Haven't discussed it with my partner yet but I am currently looking for charities that could possibly take him. I feel like a * B for giving him up but everyone is right, it's the right thing to do. i have tried the past 6 months to do the best I can but I don't know how* much longer I can keep it up. Even if it go on to find a house that allows dogs it won't be any easier with a new born. I honestly feel like crying even though it's not my fault because I didn't ask for him. I know I came across as heartless in my original post but I'm not, I just can't feel anymore rubbish then I currently do for even considering giving him up.

Btw he's an adorable 8 month old cockapoo.
Yes I sounded stupid when I said he doesn't listen because I have no idea about puppies. I 'trained' him by googling it. The dog I had when I was younger was given to us by someone else who didn't want him when he was a 2 year old but already trained so I have no idea what to do with a puppy. I thought if I could train him properly then it would be easier but that didn't work out.
(Btw we kept the dog when I was younger for like 8 years before anyone thinks we just give dogs away for fun. Although now thinking about it my mum said she gave him away but maybe he died coz he was 'old' and sick, one day he was there next day he wasn't).

Also I'm not even going to get into a conversation about my partner thinking it was a good idea to get the dog, it just makes me angry. He's fine and helpful with everything else other than the dog. Didn't even think of it in a way that relates to our baby but maybe it's something I might need to consider.

And his parents....they knew about his plan to get a dog and said ok to it being in the house knowing that they weren't going to allow him to walk around freely. Also the smoking....that's a whole other argument that makes me angry.

First step is to definitely make sure the dog is taken care, then sort out a new place for me and baby.

Thank you everyone that actually read what I said, including my replies, before acting like I made the dumb decision to get a dog and then not want it. Or act like the dog is majorly suffering when he's not, the only thing I'm currently failing on is taking him out for a walk as much as I should (more than once a day, he's out in the garden 10+ times a day) and training him properly. Also I know i said he's a nuisance but he's not really, I was just angry after bad morning sickness. I play with him as much as I can and show him love at every opportunity. So don't think he's sat in the corner depressed all day because he's not, he just deserves to be shown more love than I am capable of giving him right now.

Also, never getting a dog or any pet again. Unless I'm much older, the kids are out of the house and I can give it all my attention.

@gottamove there is a cockapoo Facebook page (cockapoo club uk) who are fantastic and do rehomes. The admins are amazing and really find the best home. It may be worth joining on that. I really wouldn't suggest just doing a gumtree advert or anything due to the type of dog.

Join the Facebook page and message the admins

Take the dog, leave the dickhead partner and his idiot parents.

I cannot believe idiots still give a dog as a surprise, what sort of idiot does that

Cockapoos are not the easiest to train. Most people need some help and guidance/classes with training

Do you mean abandon the dog? Or leave it with the parents? You can't just abandon the dog. Not only is is cruel and awful but its illegal. If the parents dont want it, find it a better home.

It was stupid and irresponsible of your partner to get a dog like that. I don't judge you for not wanting or liking the dog. But you have to now do the right thing---if you dont want the dog, find the dog a good home.

I'd guess it should be relatively easy to find a good home for a young cockapoo.

Whatever you do, I wouldn't shield your husband from how sad and stressful this whole situation is. He needs to learn from this experience so maybe he'll think longer before doing something so stupid again.

(Also, I think you're right to want to get your baby and yourself! out of a house filled with smoke ASAP.)

Cockapoos can be wonderful dogs and have the best of both breeds or the worst and be very difficult and stubborn to train.

I agree about rehoming as the best for the dog and I'd definitely look at breed specific rescues as they are more likely to be able to suss out potential owners suitability better.

I think you've done the best you can and would be having a very serious conversation with DH about gifts and the dog/your decision in future.

You need to rehome the dog now, what a horrible life for him stuck in one room. I know it's not your fault but I'd be questioning your partners responsibility levels bringing a dog in to this situation. You can't leave him behind there locked in a room, he'll be alone then. Of course the poor thing is being a nuisance.

Rehome the dog via a responsible rescue, poor thing.

The only thing I'd be leaving at your in-laws is your 'D'P

I feel very sorry for you being put in this position.

Your partner is a total dick. He really is.

I know you can't keep the dog really, but my advice would be keep the dog and lose the partner!

Oh, and where you say He's fine and helpful with everything else other than the dog. - does that translate as he's fine and helpful with stuff that doesn't actually need doing, and is repetitive and boring?

He's not helpful, he's lazy and won't put the dog's needs first or take responsibility. So beware, you're about to have a baby and LOADS of the everyday care that will need to be done will be similar - repetitive, boring and will require him to be unselfish and get on with it.

Be prepared when you have this baby to find out that he's just as selfish and lazy when it comes to caring for your baby as he is with the dog.

Move out, don't take him with you and give your baby YOUR surname!