To want to leave the dog?

[gottamove]

Bit long but trying to get all the info in.

So my partner got me a puppy for Christmas. We didn’t discuss getting a dog. Other than when we were talking about our 10 bedroom house we were going to get when we won the lottery and one of the rooms would be for the dog lol. I never thought it was realistic in general considering we’re living in his parents house. And plus I already had a dog when I was younger that my mum gave away so didn’t want another one unless I was really able to have one, which I’ve told my partner.

Our plan was to always move out this year and now I’m pregnant we definitely need to move. Not only for our own space but because his parents smoke in the house. I wasn’t bothered about it pre pregnancy but now I really need to leave.

So, not to sound ungrateful, my partner got the dog without asking me (but I guess then it wouldn’t have been a surprise) and how it’s worked out is I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right? Anyway struggled with training him from day one (he just doesn’t listen) and he gets bored easily as he’s not allowed to roam the house as my partners parents have two cats who didn’t know what a dog was until he came and they really don’t like him. I can’t ‘roam’ either as I like to stay in my room away from the smoke. And now I’m always sick and tired with being 6 months pregnant and having bad morning sickness. Basically he’s become a bit of a nuisance which I knew would happen if we got a dog now.

I said to my partner if we found a place that is perfect (location, money, space etc) but doesn’t allow pets then I’m moving without the dog as not only is the place good but my child’s health is more important than the dog. Him and his parents think I’m crazy. They all think we should stay where we are for a couple years save a bit more then move. But they’re not willing to stop smoking in the house (which is fine as it’s their house) so I’m not willing to stay. Time is going fast so might even have to move to any place rather than the ‘perfect one’.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave the dog? I’m not heartless, I will feel extremely bad if I have to not take him with us but I need to get out of here ASAP.

Giving a puppy as a surprise present is a shit thing to do. Please rehome the dog as soon as practically possible.

This. Not your fault originally, obviously, if the pup was a surprise, but, I think that if you really didn't want a dog, you should have had your partner rehome him/return him to the breeder immediately he was given to you. As it is, do it ASAP, rather than waiting till you find a new place to live or assuming your ILs will take him on.

Rehome the dog, leave the DP with his smokey parents and sort out a lovely snug space for you and your baby. The DP can join you if/when he grows up.

He sounds like an immature, irresponsible, man-child. You need to get yourself organized to get out of there with a view to being independent from him.

This - the signs aren't good that he's going to pull his weight at home and be an involved parent. Rehome the dog through a reputable shelter, and start thinking about what's going to be best for you and your child.

You are having to mop up your partner's mistake and are sensibly doing the right thing, under the circumstances. Find the dog a good home, presumably a dog charity of some sort is the best place. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable on the subject will be able to advise.

What sort of dog is it ? there may be a specific breed rescue that could help with rehoming for you. Or could you contact the breeder and see if they could take it back ?

Now I feel even worse. I try really hard to make sure the dog is ok. Even when I feel rubbish I take him for walks as it's unfair on him. I wouldn't leave him with my partners parents but didn't know (but now do) how to go about giving him to someone who deserves him. He's a good dog, other than not listening but that's probably because I don't have the energy to train him consistently. I feel so bad.

Sounds like you'd be better off taking the dog and leaving the partner. I'd be bloody furious with him. He doesn't give you the consideration you need, doesn't respect your wishes or opinions, what's he for?

Don’t abandon the poor unlucky dog, it needs to go to a no kill rescue (not the RSPCA and definitely not gumtree or it will end up torn apart as a bait dog).

Try here:
www.dogstrust.org.uk

I had three kids and two dogs. I adore dogs and my two are spoilt rotten. I rescued our girl at 9months and she has terrible separation issues due to being passed around and not wanted. Dogs should be treated like family as they have feelings and need love and attention. Your baby will benefit with a pup in the home. They will grow together and be good friends.

If you start taking steps to make sure he is rehomed properly, you won't feel so bad.

And I say this as someone who had to rehome a dog due to her being unhappy and changing circumstances. It is bloody hard but if it's in the best interests of the dog, you have to do it.

Please call a local shelter. Do not call the RSPCA; they are awful. Find a small local charity - there may be one specific to the breed. Then once doggie is sorted, you can focus on sorting out somewhere for you and baby to live.

Whether you DH chooses to come or not is up to him, but you can focus on yourself then.

Small steps. You can do this.

@gottamove
@booboostwo < what they said!

Place the dog in a home please! It sounds as though the dog is not getting enough exercise or interaction. You should have been more responsible at the time he gave you the dog and asked him to take it back at the time

Don’t just leave the dog, while his arrival is not your fault he needs a responsible adult to ensure he has a good future. Please rehome the dog, not via gumtree or facebook marketplace but through dog rescues. I’m sure there are posters on the Doghouse board who could advise. I’d suggest rehoming your DH too for his irresponsible actions but not sure that’d be as easy.

I wish you hadn't have kept the dog. Your OH's parents should have said no to a dog in the house. It doesn't sound like you have the time/space/energy.

I'd rehome him. You can't give him the life he deserves, and the novelty has clearly worn off for your totally irresponsible OH.

Dog training classes

I'd leave the DP and take the dog.

Sounds like everyone - your DP and PIL, that is - would be happy if you always lived in your PIL house because your DP is a big man baby and that way your DP doesnt ever have to grow up and leave home.

However you have grown up and now want to live your life in a smoke free home where you can live in the whole house rather than just 1 room.

Frankly the dog is the least of your issues.

Your partner is a dick, doesn't bode well for your future together and your unborn child.
Rehome the dog via dogs trust or similar and move out of his parents house asap either with or without your partner and make sure you will be able to manage if/when his irresponsible childish attitude extends to you and your child.

I'm with ducksback. Your partner is an idiot. I predict you have alot of stress ahead raising a kid with this thoughtless man child. Good luck.

What dog is it? Small or large?
Not that it matters

What Booboostwo said. I'm sorry you have been landed in this situation, it's not your fault. I'd be very worried about the future with a man(child) like your partner though.

I would find your dog a new home, you can't leave it with people who don't want it. Find a breed specific rescue if you can.

Your partner is childish and stupid.

Please take it to a rescue centre. Animals deserve better than to be left with uncaring people - what I mean is that 'keeping it' to be left with someone who essentially isn't going to show the dog any real love is far far worse than putting him in the hands if people passionate about animal welfare. Poor dog.

I had to train him, I solely walk him, I pay for insurance, his food and vet stuff. While he just plays with him after work....at 11pm....making him bark a lot which is just annoying when it’s my ‘bedtime’. You see the imbalance right?

What makes you think he's going to be any difference with a baby?

Just what @Windyatthebeach said. Your partner sounds like a stupid, thoughtless arsehole and I'd be out of there quick smart.

You haven't exactly covered yourself in glory either. Find the poor dog a home he deserves, not this miserable existence with clueless arseholes.

Get rid of the boyfriend who has put this dog’s life at risk by not thinking about the responsibility of owning a pet, and giving the dog as a present. 🤬 Then get in touch with a rescue group and get the pup rehired ASAP.