To expect my almost 13 yo to make his own breakfast?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

Just that really.

I share care with my not-nice ex who is citing that I am a "neglecting" parent for expecting this. At his house, his (unemployed) much younger gf does this every day for both boys. He is claiming I am making eldest "go hungry."

I am 38 weeks pregnant with my fiancé and I'm desperately trying to get my boys (youngest is 10) to become more independent.

My eldest asked me at 10.45 today to get his breakfast because "he never has to at his dad's."

Neither son does anything around the home and I feel like their servant.

AIBU?

YANBU to expect him to get is own breakfast.

However, your DS is at the sort of age where he might decide he won't have breakfast if it means making it himself (both of my DC did this having happily prepared their own breakfasts since about age 6). So you may have to decide if you are ok with this.

Not unreasonable at all. My 5 year old frequently makes breakfast for herself and her 2 year old sister. (Although I did have to have stern words with her for making a cup of tea the other morning.)

She also tidies her room, makes her bed and helps cook dinner most evenings.

All because I'm teaching her to be more self sufficient and not everything will be done for her.

I agree with you and contradict myself at the same time!
I am a big believer in breakfast but not the sugar coated cereals.
Both sons, when young and still at school ,were perfectly capable of making breakfast but chose not to. They would eat it if I put it in front of them but wasn't bothered- quite genuinely,they didnt grumble or expect me to make it.
I would make breakfast when they had exams or I knew they had a long day for whatever reason.
The rest of the time they could sort themselves out.

Since lock down it has been 50/50.
Normal times he is there for weekends.
Any 'but dad lets me' is just shut down with, 'well im not dad.'
Dad is way more soft and permissive than i am but he knows the rules here.
Kids actually like having boundaries and responsibilities, it builds trust and confidence.

@Iloveacurry That's women's work!!!

I know exactly how you feel. At my house DC has always had a solid bed time routine, then into bed lights out, door shut and sleep. No issues. This all gets undone at her dads where they bed share, sing to sleep and night lights. She’s nearly in junior school it’s ridiculous and she comes back crying at going in her own room again. Don’t give in to the peer pressure and parent how you see fit. Best thing you can do is simply explain to them you parent differently and you believe it’s important to instil independence. He’ll thank you for it later when he doesn’t have a wife that spends her life nagging at him because he is incapable and is like a child.

Buy ingredients for a really tasty breakfast that he would love, and if he asks for breakfast, give him the choice between sharing your meal of unsweetened porridge, or making his own delicious feast.

Also politely point out that a future gf (if he's so inclined) is not going to want to make his breakfast in this day and age - does he really want to come across the same as a 50-year-old?

My two were cooking a meal at 10. Duh, YANBU.

One of my jobs as a parent is to ensure that my children can be independent as adults. This means encouraging them to do things themselves at an age appropriate time. This includes, when they are small, tidying up, washing themselves, brushing their own teeth and hair, etc. Later on it means that they can wash their own clothes and feed themselves and cook, and know how to shop and use a bank account etc.
If we don't do this we are failing our children.

Jamie Oliver usually has tempting breakfast ideas in his books.

Your thread and focus is wrong.

The issue isn’t breakfast. It’s the fact that your son speaks to you in the way.

if he wont make his own breakfast then he can go hungry, however as PP said, the real issue here is how he talks to you and what he's learning from his sexist dad about the role of women

@Waitingforboristoletusfree I feel your pain!

My youngest goes up to bed at 8.30 pm here, lights out at 9 pm. Works beautifully for us but ex tells him we are "treating him like a baby because at almost 10 that time is ridiculous."

BTW, ex taking me to court early June for more custody! If he wins I will only have them EOW. Baby due 29th May

Ridiculous. Yanbu. My brother used to get breakfast for us both from when we were about 9 and 6, if mum and dad were busy/ lying in on a weekend.

Tell your child that actually him not being taught to cook is the abuse.
Ask him if he always likes what he has to eat, or if he would rather be able to cook and make his own choices.
If he insists on you cooking his food, tell him he can have kippers for every meal

My 11yo has been making his own breakfast for years. It wouldn’t cross my mind to make breakfast for anyone but myself unless it was some sort of once in a blue moon special occasion full English or something. Part of responsible parenting is to turn them into functioning adults so if they can physically do something then they should be learning to do it - laundry, putting things in the dishwasher, changing bed linen (the 11yo still needs a bit of help with this), bit of vacuuming - it’s not perfect, but your DS should be encouraged to become more independent. He’ll be leaving home in 4 years.

Yanbu! My almost 4 year old helps to make his breakfast then clears away his dishes afterwards.

I was a single parent and used to work full time. All three of my kids could cook, wash and iron by the age of 12. One day my son's friend came round (he was the youngest of 7 children) my son was ironing his school uniform and friend rebuked him saying "that's Women's work". My son told him that when he left home he would be able to look after himself and not starve.

This is about way more than just whether a kid should make their own breakfast. Your ex is a misogynist and your two boys are happily following his lead. Time to show them that it's actually a very attractive quality for men to be independent, self-sufficient and respectful towards women.

You can't influence what happens in their dad's house so all the more reason to set a good example in yours.

My 6 year old makes his own breakfast. Started at about 5 with cereal, now can make his own toast! So yes you should get them to make their own breakfast! Don't want them ending up not being able to do anything for themselves and expect girlfriends/wives to wait on them too!

Are you serious? My 3 year old knows how to pour a bowl of cereal or put bread in the toaster. My 9 year old made hard boiled egg, hash brown and bacon wraps this morning. I’ve banned my 11 year old from making breakfast or she’ll make pancakes with Nutella every day 🙄

@Nicknamegoeshere
Sounds like my ex. 3 times in court now. It’s like it’s their life mission to counter parent. The only thing that keeps me going is when their older they’ll look back and know the facts. Disneyland parenting isn’t in the children’s best interest

Wow so they're being taught that women are there to serve them in the home? Ffs

I expect my 13 year old to normally get his breakfast independently. Of course sometimes DH or I will offer to make him something, but on a day to day basis its one of his required morning activities. He also gets his own lunch, and sometimes cooks dinner as well (and puts a wash on, does some housework, and so on)

@opticaldelusion Couldn't agree more. I thank goodness every day my OH is the absolute polar opposite of my ex-husband!!!