To expect my almost 13 yo to make his own breakfast?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

Just that really.

I share care with my not-nice ex who is citing that I am a "neglecting" parent for expecting this. At his house, his (unemployed) much younger gf does this every day for both boys. He is claiming I am making eldest "go hungry."

I am 38 weeks pregnant with my fiancé and I'm desperately trying to get my boys (youngest is 10) to become more independent.

My eldest asked me at 10.45 today to get his breakfast because "he never has to at his dad's."

Neither son does anything around the home and I feel like their servant.

AIBU?

Anyway. I think I’ve probably said all there is for me to say. As a pp has said, it’s at your fingertips. Again, wishing you good luck, good mental and physical strength, and good thoughts to replace the fear and anxiety.

Your ex is being hugely manipulative as you know.
So you need to bear that in mind your ds is being thrust into a role he should not have. No wonder he acts out . Exp was told off for involving dd in his adult issues. That helped.

You can keep telling ds you love him and would like him to be part of your life and his half sibling.

Talk to his counsellor?. "how to talk so teens will listen " may have some ideas

I think you're allowed to visit your parents now if you're alone. One of them can come and visit you - they could take it in turns to visit when your son's at home.

Ime your exh /ds won't last long fulll time together...
Ime call their bluff.

The counselling that your ex pays for

Did he progress that?

Are you able to ask for no contact between the children and your ex during your time with them when you go back to court?

The case I mentioned above had this written into the court order due to similar silliness with dad phoning or texting the children during their time with mum.

It took a few weeks for dad to get the message that he wasn't allowed to contact them but it removed a big source of conflict once everyone followed the rules.

@Jux Sadly rules are still parents cannot visit.

@MushroomTree It is in the Order that son can call dad. But not that dad can call son. But as usual he ignores this and does it anyway.

@Nicknamegoeshere I'd keep a log of all of it and explain the conflict it's causing during your time with them.

And I echo other posters about putting firm boundaries in place. If he can't behave then there need to be consequences. You have the right to a private life without everything being reported back to his dad. If he can't respect that then no phone.

@Nicknamegoeshere as your ex isn't abiding by the order take the phone of your son whilst he is with you and he can only ring his DAd once a day or whatever at a time you say is ok.

Remind your DS that his Dad is not abiding the rules that the judge made and that is not ok.

You do have the right to have rules in your home.