Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

How does this work maintenance wise. He's have to pay ex wife a lot and then how would he pay for his other child? Its not as if your friend would be entitled to loads. They aren't married and he has other DC.

Yes.

I would judge her. Very selfish and it will have a lasting impact on her child as well as the father's family.

I wouldn't ever feel able to trust them. Doing this shows that they are a person prepared to screw someone over in order to get whatever they want. It could be you they screw over next.

Same. I would never fully trust someone who had cheated. Not as a partner, or as a friend. You know that they think about themselves only and they are willing to hurt those that they love more than anyone else (apparently). Why would I trust someone willing to do that? There's always another way, you don't have to cheat. A bad relationship isn't an excuse, and it's hardly going to help the situation if found out. Leave, you don't cheat. This guy has ruined his life because he thought about himself only. And he has hurt those who thought he never would so badly they will be unlikely to trust people again fully.

They are both scum and I hope his wife divorced him.
Disgusting that he now has nothing to do with the child.
My sympathy lies with the children whose lives have been ripped apart by their father. The man that isn't supposed to hurt them or upset them.
This is the problem with affairs your ruining childrens lives too.

Hideous woman.

And hideous man but that goes without saying.

Oh yes.
When dd3 was small she had a friend at nursery and I got talking to her mum as you do. She said quite a lot of stuff that painted her as a victim. Took me several months to work out that she shagged a married bloke she worked with. Got pregnant. Then basically set about ruining his life (obviously I have to say that it was his fault too). His wife stayed with him ( 2 young children). She moved house so that her child would go to the same school as his other children (nothing special about the school at all). Complained bitterly at every occasion about him and how he had nothing to do with the child.
I judged totally and utterly. The "affair" didn't shock me. Her getting pregnant was a risk he took, getting found out was a risk he took. What an arse. But the way she tried to insert herself into his families life was piss poor and pretty undignified.

I would think they were both equally foolish.

But the man wouldn’t stray if he was happy. If it hadn’t been this woman, it would’ve been someone else.

Erm yes of course!

Yes, absolutely. Selfish and irresponsible.

I'm married and if I was "pursued" by another man I'd completely ignore. If he persisted I'd tell him I'm married and to back off. If he STILL persisted I'd call the police and report him for harassment. So this whole "brazen woman relentlessly targets married man until silly man reluctantly gives in" is farcical.

I would judge her for using a married man to get her pregnant (if that's truly what she wanted). Couldn't she find a single man to shag, if she only wanted a baby?

He could have and should have used condoms, although he shouldn't have been with her in the first place. Did she lie and say she was on contraception?

No, but I would judge him.

I would put it all on him. Her biological clock was ticking and she just wanted a baby. He was the one who put Seed in her for his own personal gratification and he was the one in the position of power in our sexist hierarchy.

They are both slimeballs - the married man and the woman setting out to get pregnant by a married man. They deserve each other.

Poor wife.

Lol, is this about Carrie and Bojo??

I’m afraid I judge anyone who KNOWINGLY has a relationship with a married man/woman.

He was married, sleeping with two women and chose not to wear a condom, putting his wife's health and fertility at risk.

As I am the product of a married man and his "mistress" I am not sure how I am supposed to judge my parents. I was born in the 70's while Dad was still married to his first wife. I have half-siblings who I love and have had a good relationship with. My Dad divorced his first wife and married my mother. There were definitely tensions and mum was subjected to some abuse from Dad's relatives. Oddly her relationship with dad's first wife and my older siblings has been pretty good considering. All the adults involved were awkward, difficult people and made choices that hurt the people around them, but they were not monsters.

I think I’d judge the married man most of all.

@CJsGoldfish yes totally. In my opinion they are both dirty slimeballs. I'm just so shocked with the people saying 'it's all on him' like she didn't set out to commit a heinous act in the first place. If one married man knocked her back another sleazeball would take his place. They're both just as bad as each other.

@suckingdowndarjeeling

But what makes you think she's only going after married men? If someone was desperate for a baby anyone willing would do surely? Obviously for CM purposes it's a good idea if they have a job etc but they wouldn't necessarily need to be married.

It would be either hypocritical or self-hating, if I said I wish I didn't exist because it is always wrong to bring children into the world who are born out of an affair.

So I am not sorry I was born or my younger siblings and I love my older siblings as well. We are bystanders in our parents lives. Our parents mucked us up and loved us in pretty equal measure and we love, hate, understand and are infuriated by them in turn. Dad died a long time ago he was fucked up by his parents and did his best and worst in his life as a result. We would be all much happier if we spent less time calculating the exact level of judgement to pass on peoples actions and more time loving.

Easy for me to say as the red headed step child bastard but I have never seen rehabilitation come from harsh words and judgement, only shame and resentment. Understanding and cooperation meant that my generation of the family have let go of a lot of past hurt.

Depends how she goes about it afterwards. Everyone makes mistakes and I would be shocked if she is not ashamed of herself.

A woman I know openly told me and a group of people that she had sex with a married man who's wife had just had a baby as if she was proud or something, I absolutely judged her.

Well the woman sounds awful I'd judge but not really for the married man bit. The man however not only cheated but didn't use protection that's just awful. They sound well suited. Poor poor children