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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
LovingLola · 13/05/2020 13:37

No
You’re not wrong

lastqueenofscotland · 13/05/2020 13:37

YANBU
Your husband is in the wrong.
Imagine your masculinity being so fragile your son can’t have a perfectly age appropriate toy

ShirleyPhallus · 13/05/2020 13:38

Is he worried he might catch The Gay?

Is he Ross from friends?

Theplotisgoneawayforever · 13/05/2020 13:39

I don't know which is worse, that a buggy is seen as exclusively for women and girls or that boys can't play with girls toys

QueenArseClangers · 13/05/2020 13:39

LTB

minniemoll · 13/05/2020 13:39

Has your husband never pushed your son in his pushchair?

Wilding · 13/05/2020 13:39

I'm so sorry - you are most definitely not in the wrong. It sounds like your husband is abusive, to be perfectly honest. Not wanting you to buy something is one thing but shouting at you like that is unacceptable.

amymel2016 · 13/05/2020 13:40

Eugh, I hate stuff like this. Prams and dolls aren’t just for girls!! Did your DH ever push your sons pram or change nappies etc? It’s just play and is preparing your son for the future when he may be a father.

What is your DH concerned about? What will having a pram do to your son?

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:40

Has your husband never pushed your son in his pushchair

I have argued this exact point, aparently it's not the same..

OP posts:
nanbread · 13/05/2020 13:40

Bloody hell.

What does your DH think is going to happen if you son plays with a pushchair? He's a controlling, sexist - not to mention stupid - prick. Does he never push your ds in the pushchair, incidentally?

Both my DS played with a pink pushchair I bought second hand when they were around that age.

They are now a bit older (4 and 7) and love playing with Lego and toy swords and nerf guns, and also with teddies and the toy kitchen and my make up and they wear pink sometimes.

minettechatouette · 13/05/2020 13:41

He sounds absolutely awful. I’m so sorry. You poor thing.

AgentJohnson · 13/05/2020 13:41

This probably not the first instance of him being a twat. Make your own Amazon account, using a card that is only controlled by you and then order what the hell you like!

NeutralJanet · 13/05/2020 13:41

Has your husband never pushed your son in his pushchair

Yeah, this. Is your husband generally a bit thick, he must have seen plenty of dads pushing buggies before.

monkeycats · 13/05/2020 13:42

Did your DH never push his son in his pushchair ever? Maybe he just bundled him into a wheelbarrow?

Point out to him the male medics who - shock horror - push all sorts of people in wheelchairs.

DuploTower · 13/05/2020 13:42

Oh god that's absolutely horrendous.

I'm so sorry OP

Kirschcherry · 13/05/2020 13:42

YANBU and your DH is truly pathetic. It is a perfect toy for an 18 month old child. I could not be with such an unreconstructed moron.

NeverHadANickname · 13/05/2020 13:43

YANBU he has pretty much asked for one by using his own.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 13/05/2020 13:43

BIG.RED.FLAG

Your 'd'h is controlling and abusive and clearly believes you can't be trusted with access to an amazon account!
He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 13/05/2020 13:43

I think you've got a bigger problem than a disagreement over what toys your DS should have here, OP. Your husband is displaying a very disturbing attitude here, the shouting, locking you out of your account and refusing to listen you is abusive and controlling.

I hate to say it, but instances of DV and abuse drastically increase once a woman gets pregnant. Only you will know if this is something you might need to consider, but please OP, give it a bit of thought.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 13/05/2020 13:43

Set up a new amazon account in your own name from your own account.

Tbh I’d have serious doubts about staying with someone who would shout at me let alone someone who would flip out over this and then lock me out if my own amazon account. That’s really controlling.

Thingsthatgo · 13/05/2020 13:44

But, What if your son grows up to be.....a dad?!

WindmillsofmyMind · 13/05/2020 13:44

What @RoryGillmoresEvilTwin said!

Ylvamoon · 13/05/2020 13:44

My DS was just like yors! He loved pushing a little dolls buggy around the house.

NeverHadANickname · 13/05/2020 13:44

Also, it annoys me so much that this attitude is still around 😡 I plan on buying my DS a doll and pushchair for his first birthday. I could never be with anyone with those views.

kimlo · 13/05/2020 13:44

no, you aren't wrong. Role play helps children to make sense of the world around them, and this is the start of that.

Personally I would be buying a pushcair and a doll and telling dh to grow up.

on another point ot sounds like he might be showing schematic behaviour if he's doing it alot. Thats repeted patterns of behaviour that helps them learn. If you google it then you can get ideas for different activities he might enjoy. It sounds like the transporting schema, so acitivites like putting objects in a bag and moving them around, like pretending to go shopping.

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