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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
PickUpAPickUpAPenguin · 13/05/2020 14:36

Based on your title I thought it was going to be something expensive like a MacBook Air so I was going to say that's a negotiation purchase but yes you should be able to buy him a toy buggy.

Cancelling the buggy, changing the password etc is ridiculous. Next time I was doing the weekly shop I would pick one up at a big supermarket. He's not going to turn gay pushing a buggy - even if it's pink.

pooopypants · 13/05/2020 14:37

My DS3 pushes his pink unicorn around in a pram. The same unicorn that he will not sleep without and would happily carry around all day, everywhere.

Maybe he'll 'catch the gay' quicker because of this. Maybe he'll grow up to be an excellent pram pusher. As long as he grows up to be a decent human, I couldn't give a flying fuck.

Your 'D'H is a prick, and a homophobic, controlling, abusive prick at that.

I'd hazard a guess and assume that he works in an industry which is 'typically male dominated' and that's why he's apparently received so much backup. That doesn't excuse his behaviour, perhaps explains it though.

If he reacts this way about a toy, how would he react to something actually important? If I were you I'd be seriously considering what I want from life - and if that life includes this 'prize' of a man.

Snowpatrolling · 13/05/2020 14:39

Your husband sounds like a nasty piece of shit.
Is he normally like this with you?
I dealt with shit like this for 14 years, eventual left the twat.
He’s calling you controlling yet banning you from amazon?
What a bell end.

CrystalTipped · 13/05/2020 14:39

It makes you wonder how your DH will be as your son grows up. Will he only want him to do manly sports - football, boxing etc? Is he going to try and toughen him up all the time? Will he tell him "boys don't cry"? Is he always going to impose his will over what you and your children want?

Like the men I've encountered at my DC's school - a father who brought "the lads" to a sports day and left looking disgusted when his DS got overwhelmed and cried without even saying goodbye, and a man who seemed to be having a nice kickabout with his DS until we got closer and heard him saying things like "that toddler girl over there could kick better than you" and saw how miserable the boy looked. The kind of men who suck all the joy out of their son's childhoods trying to impose their fantasies of manhood on them.

IntermittentParps · 13/05/2020 14:39

DS1 also enjoys dressing himself up in tight black thermals and accessorising with a gold belt and my heels That sounds like a great look! Grin

Butterbeeeen · 13/05/2020 14:40

My Ds had a little blue dolls pushchair that he used to push a little Noddy toy around in. He took it everywhere. He has grown up to be a perfectly stable 15 year old young man.

Pixiefringe · 13/05/2020 14:40

I dont necessarily see a pram as just a girls toy purely because dads push prams too. My nephew went through a doll phase practicing be a dad, it was adorable. I dont agree with trying to pretend theres no such thing as girls toys and boys toys though.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 13/05/2020 14:42

Your husband sounds awful... sorry.

My friends son loved trying to copy her when she was going the housework so she bought him a toy hoover. The dad went mad, threw out the hoover and bought a golf caddy thing so he could be like daddy. Child proceeded to push the golf caddy around making hoover noises!

The fact that your son is trying to play with his pushchair means he IS asking for a toy one!

Changing the password on the amazon account is incredibly controlling....

tiredanddangerous · 13/05/2020 14:44

Your husband is a massive twat.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 13/05/2020 14:45

He sounds a bit much, OP. Sorry.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 13/05/2020 14:46

My DS had a toy push chair at a similar age for pushing his teddies around. Loved it. So lovely to see him pushing them around and then stopping to feed them, pat them on the head, I think all this encourages them to have empathy, something your husband is clearly lacking in.

I think the massive red flag here is his behaviour in locking you out of the Amazon account, I’m sorry but that is the action of an arsehole (I’ve edited myself a bit there, I really want to call him a lot worse). Plus the shouting, in-front of his colleagues too? Controlling, financially abusive homophobe. Do you realise what an absolute shit he is?

Wiaa · 13/05/2020 14:47

That's a lovely man you've married! You do realise he's really saying that playing with 'girls' toys will make him 'gay' don't you? As in that's a bad thing. I'm just flabbergasted that your response to him locking you out of amazon is coming on here and not packing his bags. He's shown you what type of man he is, balls in your court now but what will you do if any of your dc don't conform to his stereotypes in the future

CorianderLord · 13/05/2020 14:48

I think if my husband ever dared to call and scream at me for buying my child a toy I'd rip his balls off.

How disrespectful. Also he's very clearly saying that he believes children and babies are 'women's work' and that he nor his son should have to look after their own children. This also implies he thinks women are lesser.

He's a misogynist and I wouldn't be doing anything for him for the foreseeable.

Queenoftheashes · 13/05/2020 14:50

He sounds awful. Super controlling and nasty. presumably you can just reset password or open your own amazon account and do your order again?

Soubriquet · 13/05/2020 14:50

Set up a new account, new password that he won’t know

Order pushchair, cot, high chair and a baby your son can dress

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/05/2020 14:50

This is awful. Not just his outdated sexist attitude but the way he speaks to you, the way he accuses YOU of being controlling, the hypocrisy in saying you can only buy things for your son that he has said he likes when he can't talk, you know he would like it, and none of his other toys have been asked for, the way his say is final, the way he has locked you out of a shared account, and the way he has spoken about you to his work colleagues and his complete over reaction and shouting. It's all just horrible and I dont even think there is anywhere to start advising you what to do about him, other than consider leaving

Windyatthebeach · 13/05/2020 14:50

My ds (who is gay) passed his ballet exam with flying colours at about 5/6 . Only 3 boys in the NE apparently-he was in the papers .. Exh cancelled his lessons.
He has no idea ds is gay and he is nearly 20.
He won't ever tell him sadly..
The xh who had a secret affair with my ll when I left him..
Ll being Keith...

Parker231 · 13/05/2020 14:52

There is no such a thing as a girls toy or a boys toy - they are just toys. It’s similar to the comments of their being pink clothes for a girl and blue for a boy - no they are just clothes.

Rosebel · 13/05/2020 14:53

My mum had this argument with my dad in the 1980s. In the end she just went and brought my brother a cheap pram. I'd rather hoped times had !over on since then.
I,would just set up another account and order the pram. Is your husband always sexist like this? He does sound awfully controlling and not very nice either.

Tiredmum100 · 13/05/2020 14:54

I would be tamping if I was you. What an idiot your not so 'd'h is ( and all his work colleagues). I just don't understand why a child can't have a pushchair to play with. So he's cancelled that and ordered a wheelbarrow? Question is, what do you want to do now?

nanbread · 13/05/2020 14:55

@Windyatthebeach can I just say, respect for handling 8 boys!

OscarWildesCat · 13/05/2020 14:56

My DS had a pushchair and a doll at that age as he loved playing with them at nursery. Hes 14 now and hes not suffered any I'll effects that I can see, he still remembers it and said he remembers walkng to the shops with his baby in the buggy and thinking it was great fun.
Your DH is an arse, buy him one elsewhere or set up your own Amazon account.

missperegrinespeculiar · 13/05/2020 14:56

awful, I could not be married to somebody like this, he cancelled your account? unbelievable

nanbread · 13/05/2020 14:57

OP you can open a new Amazon account using your email address and add the card details to it and buy it.

Although like others have said, this is not a pushchair problem, it's a DH problem.

Is he the boss where he works by any chance? Or maybe they agree because they don't feel they can disagree with an aggressive controlling person who flips over the tiniest thing

Likethebattle · 13/05/2020 14:58

The cutting your access off is ridiculous and abusive. I’d be making my own account.

Not that you should have to but a compromise would be a mini shopping trolley or is shopping also ‘wimmens work’, although you what you were buying sounded perfect. Tell your husband to fuck off and grow up.