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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
ASandwichNamedKevin · 13/05/2020 14:08

I'm so sorry you're in an abusive relationship with 1 toddler and 1 child on the way.
Do you have any kind of midwife appointment without him there.

This is an awful environment for you and your children. Better to grow up with a loving mum than with two parents if one is a twat. That seems obvious but many people stay with a controlling partner "for the children".

PS my cousin had cars, loved his scalextrix back in the day, played football but he caught The Gay anyway.

Daftodil · 13/05/2020 14:09

Your DH is ridiculous. My DS has dolls and a doll house and cars and trains and lots in between. Your DS doesn't need a big vocabulary to tell you whether or not he wants it. If your DS doesn't want to play with it, he won't.

Start selling old toys and clothes rather than giving things to charity. You need to start a secret fund just in case things deteriorate.

hellsbellsmelons · 13/05/2020 14:09

Sooooo OP.... You could go out now and withdraw some money from a cash point?
You currently have instant access when ever you want, without question, to joint money???

RandomMess · 13/05/2020 14:09

That whole situation is really sad for you and your DC Sad

mamaof2girls · 13/05/2020 14:10

My little one is a girl but am also due to have my second any day now hopefully! But I would argue also he's going to be a big brother soon my little one is the same age and loves her doll and pram etc we bought her at Christmas but it's also prepared her for being a big sister she puts the doll on the pram says night night and pushes her rocks the pram going shh she always cuddles her doll and give it a wee bottle we have even had the baby in the Moses basket and been saying aww baby sleeping shh and she has a wee peek in and goes shh and pretends to rock the Moses basket so am hoping with all that she will understand a little more when her little sister comes along! X

Original poster
WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 14:10

Daftodil I won't say exactly, but it's related to cars.

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 13/05/2020 14:10

I don't say this often but that was really cuntish behaviour.

SimonJT · 13/05/2020 14:11

Three completely different serious issues here.

  1. Controlling how you spend money, yes, it may have started with an Amazon account, what will he stop you using next?
  1. Being verbally aggressive. We all get pissed off, I understand that. But screaming at someone and being aggressive is not normal or acceptable behaviour.
  1. Controlling what your son does, he will grow up either beinf scared to do things in case his dad shouts at him, or he’ll admire his dad.

As an aside. As a child my favourite things were guns, fighting, destroying my sisters ‘girly’ toys and generally being a bugger. When I was a little older I moved on to rugby, boxing and xbox. When I was a little older I moved onto ‘playing’ with boys. So if you’re partner doesn’t want his son catching the gay he better stop your son doing the above too!

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?
MrsSwears2Much · 13/05/2020 14:11

My sons favourite thing at that age was his blue toy pushchair from ELC. He absolutely LOVED it. Pushed all his teddies around all day. It came with us everywhere too. Shops, grandparents the park.
Your husband is an ignorant arse!
Also, how dare he block your access to your amazon account! Nasty behaviour.

Windyatthebeach · 13/05/2020 14:11

I have 8 ds's. All had a buggy /pram.
1 is gay.
I don't expect the rest to follow suit just because they had a buggy....

hellhavenofury · 13/05/2020 14:13

OP cant you set up another Amazon account in your name that he doesnt know about and order it :D

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 13/05/2020 14:13

WRT the pram - your H is being a sexist arse. Children don't know what toys are marketed towards girls and which ones are 'for boys,' they just like what they like. I currently have a niece and a nephew a year apart in age. Nephew plays with the pram as much as she plays with the cars etc.

WRT the way you're being treated though, it is unacceptable. He doesn't get to shout so much that you stop talking. He doesn't get to set the rules. What happens if you now set up an amazon account and order a pram then tell him your DS is having one?
I'm assuming he is the only person allowed to 'put his foot down?'

I would be very tempted to send him elsewhere tbh and take some time to seriously consider if this is the way you want your dc brought up?

Alsohuman · 13/05/2020 14:13

he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now

This is the bit that worries me. If mine did this - he couldn’t because we have separate accounts - I’d inflict a serious injury on him. How dare he?

ScarletFever · 13/05/2020 14:14

well you know he is an arse - lets hope your DS doesnt want to be a hairdresser or a nurse eh? cos everyone knows only homosexuals do those jobs

Total and utter cunt!

Roselilly36 · 13/05/2020 14:15

My DS’ had a pram & a doll to go in it.

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 13/05/2020 14:15

Do you want your kids growing up realising that a) they can't play with whatever they want to play with it just because daddy doesn't approve and b) daddy's opinion is more important than mummy's?

You know this is wrong OP. To tell you not to buy it was awful - to cut off your access to the account was something else altogether. It's controlling, it's nasty, and I doubt he's never done anything like this before. Alarm bells!!

Not all men are like this. If yours can't change, find another one.

fairydustandpixies · 13/05/2020 14:15

My 2 DS both had dolls, prams, a play kitchen (which they absolutely adored), a toy vacuum cleaner, you name it. They're now both strapping 6ft plus men who know their way around a real kitchen!

If not already suggested, set up your own Amazon account and order the doll pushchair again. Perhaps in pink though?! Don't be pushed around by your DH - if you'll pardon the pun!

Shamoo · 13/05/2020 14:16

What an absolute prick he is. Both in terms of the pram and how he is treating you. I would be beyond furious and, once he has calmed down, if he doesn’t apologise and backtrack I would genuinely be considering whether I could be in that relationship.

mamasiz · 13/05/2020 14:16

Your DH is a tit. Like another poster had said - is his masculinity so fragile he thinks his little boy pushing a perfectly appropriate toy around will somehow lead to him coming out later in life? He needs to get a grip and while he’s at it, he needs to address his homophobia.

LouHotel · 13/05/2020 14:19

My nephews favourite toy at the moment is my daughters old baby doll carriage that's bright pink...he uses it to carry his Groot and rocket in.

He 100 per cent owes you an apology and I'm worried about how long the abuse went on for, is this honestly the first time he's reacted like this?

ASandwichNamedKevin · 13/05/2020 14:21

Thank you @SimonJT for the info on boys' and girls' toys.

@WolfInSlutsClothing you need to tell a trusted person what is going on, if he's at work make some calls, and if you feel the need to delete from your call history do so.
What is the plan for the birth?

GetTheSprinkles · 13/05/2020 14:21

Yanbu. Ridiculous and petty of your OH

Amimissingsomethinghere · 13/05/2020 14:22

Is this normal behaviour for him? Because it's really not acceptable.

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 13/05/2020 14:22

Maybe he's not afraid of his son 'getting the gay'. Maybe he's just scared that if his son keeps practicing these kinds of things he might grow up to be a better father than he is 🤷‍♀️. What a controlling weirdo. Tell him 'everyone on Mumsnet agrees with me'. That seems to be a good enough reason for him to make decisions.