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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 13/05/2020 14:22

You are obviously not on the wrong for wanting to buy your son something.

I would be livid if my husband thought he had ultimate authority to cancel an order I had placed. I also do not accept being shouted at, "if you can not treat me with respect, please do not speak to me at until you can"

If you are in a situation and have the means to order another pram, I would do so.

Sadly, I think once someone reacts so badly, it will be hard to educate him in why he is being ridiculous, I would however make it very clear your son can play with whatever toy either of you choose and he doesn't have a monopoly on that.

LouHotel · 13/05/2020 14:23

Actually this is more heartbreaking because your about to have a baby. Your little one will be watching you look after the baby and will want to emulate.

Does cuntish DH change nappies and do feeds? Will he stop his son copying HIS behaviour?

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 14:24

I don't think your main problem is that "you can't buy what you like", it's that you're married to a man of very little brain.

SallyWD · 13/05/2020 14:24

Your husband is being ridiculous. Why on earth does he feel such anger and anxiety over this? Sounds like he's one of those dad's who can't accept his boy playing with anything remotely "girly". My DS was obsessed with his little toy (pink!) pushchair when he was a toddler. Whenever we walked to collect DD from school he'd take the pushchair with his teddy in. I have such happy memories of him pushing it along. To be honest it would have looked silly to have been pushing a wheelbarrow along instead!

ASandwichNamedKevin · 13/05/2020 14:25

@SeeWhoRustsFirst Not all men are like this. If yours can't change, find another one.

Not all men are like this. If yours can't change, ditch him. Don't rush to find another one until you've honed your dickhead alert radar.

MrsBennettsSister · 13/05/2020 14:25

Tell him you'll stick three bags of shopping underneath and two on the handle, then it's a weight training session. Mine are older now but loads of the boys loved playing with the pushchairs and the kitchens in nursery.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/05/2020 14:26

I'm most concerned that he thinks it's ok to constantly yell and berate his heavily pregnant partner.

I hope you can get yourself somewhere safe.

OliviaPopeRules · 13/05/2020 14:27

Your DH is a controlling cunt, if he can do this on something so minor I would be very surprised if he isn't controlling lots of other parts of your life.

Aliiiii · 13/05/2020 14:27

I had this with my ex
My sister bought my son one and he went mad, refusing to go out with us with him using it! In my opinion it says more about your partner than you! One of the many many many reasons he is my ex!!

daisyjgrey · 13/05/2020 14:28

He is a prick.

An insecure, misogynistic one at that.

Silab · 13/05/2020 14:29

My sons pushchair and doll were fast favourites for a while as were trains at one point.
My daughter had trucks and dinosaurs.
They got what they liked to play with and shared.
Your partner is being a knob

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 13/05/2020 14:30

@ASandwichNamedKevin yes good point. To be fair I didn't mean literally that second!

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 13/05/2020 14:30

I still have access to our bank account, the question was do I have access to money that he can't access, and the answer to that is no. Because we have a shared bank account.

Yes- exactly. An account he can empty into his own personal account in seconds. And leave you with nothing.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 13/05/2020 14:30

And more to the point, open another amazon account in your name. Do not have a joint account

timeisnotaline · 13/05/2020 14:30

This is unacceptable. I hope you have the strength to say he can come back in when he’s given me the password for the amazon account and is willing to talk. If he doesnt trust you to buy a toy for your child he clearly thinks you are a bad influence and best you parent separately from here on. In the meantime, he can find somewhere to stay and you should open your own amazon account anyway and also your own bank account.

Tootletum · 13/05/2020 14:30

So much to unpack here. He seems incredibly insecure. my DSs are 6 and 4, they love all boys toys but DS1 also enjoys dressing himself up in tight black thermals and accessorising with a gold belt and my heels. So what.

Velvian · 13/05/2020 14:30

He owes you a massive apology and needs some counselling for such an overreaction!

QueenOfPain · 13/05/2020 14:31

Your DH is a fucking prize prick.

What’s he scared of? That your son will grow up to be a father?

SallyWD · 13/05/2020 14:31

By the way, when my DS was pushing along his little pink pushchair my DH had no problem with it. We both thought it was very sweet. I would have been appalled and shocked if DH had an issue with it. It makes you wonder how your DH will be as your son grows up. Will he only want him to do manly sports - football, boxing etc? Is he going to try and toughen him up all the time? Will he tell him "boys don't cry"? Is he always going to impose his will over what you and your children want?

OldLace · 13/05/2020 14:31

He is simply wrong about the child's toy.
Additionally, he shouts at you, cancels an order and locks you out of an Amazon account? Whilst you are 8m pregnant? Red flags there, sorry.

bee222 · 13/05/2020 14:32

Tell him 'everyone on Mumsnet agrees with me'

I get the feeling that this is not the type of man that thinks women’s opinions matter.

CrystalTipped · 13/05/2020 14:32

Well he might grow up to want to be - a good father. The horror!!

As a society we still seem to only give a shit about fathers when it's in the context of a relationship break up and what he's "entitled to".

It's very telling that only little girls are encouraged to role play being parents, and that when boys express the same natural interest they're looked at with suspicion. It's where the rot starts.

lunar1 · 13/05/2020 14:33

I'd be seriously be questioning my marriage right now. His behaviour is awful and controlling.

Ds2 spent a year pushing his cars around in a little pink pushchair that DH got him at smyths. He saw it as they were walking round and according to DH there was no getting out of there without it.

ChaToilLeam · 13/05/2020 14:35

Your DH is a bullying arsehole. Get your own Amazon account - and your own bank account - ASAP. I doubt this is the only instance of his behaving in a controlling way.

hammeringinmyhead · 13/05/2020 14:36

Well, not to stereotype, but if I asked my mechanic cousin's male colleagues and DH's cousin's car salesman colleagues then I can well imagine them "agreeing" that he shouldn't have a so-called girls' toy.

Is he that pathetic that he thinks his mates will laugh at him and/or DS? If he is he needs a new social circle. What a dick. I think this may actually be a dealbreaker for me.