To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

[WolfInSlutsClothing]

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

So sorry that you're married to a knob.
Hope he changes because I don't know how you're going to have a happy life with such a misogynistic, chauvinist pig.

Your husband is absolutely ridiculous!! My ds has a pram which he uses to push his dinosaurs and teddies. He also has a doll (shock, horror!!) although, admittedly, he rarely plays with it.

YANBU and these are massive red flags from your bullying husband. Do you trust him to be a good parent to your son? What if your son ends up being gay - will your husband love and support him, or will he bully and reject him?

This would be the beginning of the end for me.

Stop trying to instill your personal values onto your child?

What?

he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

That's really bad. I wouldn't stay with someone like that.

(I’m not suggesting that pushing a pram means your son will be gay btw - just that if your husband’s masculinity is so fragile he thinks it’s wrong for your son to have certain toys, I wouldn’t trust him to be a tolerant person generally)

Is he able to articulate exactly why it bothers him? I can’t imagine anything excusing his stance on this but just curious as to the thinking behind it.

Wow he sounds like a cunt. Yanbu!

That’s just sad. My son loved his toy pushchair and toy hoover.

His behaviour is awful - and very controlling.

Is this the first time he's behaved so badly?

My ex husband freaked out when I bought my now 18 year old son a pushchair when he was about 2. He absolutely loved ramming it against things, with all his cars and Thomas engines in it. I subsequently kicked him out 10 years later when he threatened to kill me in front of my kids, he was and is a controlling abusive twat.

Your DH is being ridiculous. A pushchair isn't a girls toy, firstly there isn't such a thing as girls or boys toys. Second, even if you think there is, there are "boys" toy pushchairs. I just went shopping for this very toy for my son and at the shop they had a two colours - pink with unicorn design or blue with a monster design.

Is he worried that when your son grows up he will want to be.... an involved father?

Is he able to articulate exactly why it bothers him?

At the moment he can't articulate anything without shouting, so after telling him to stop shouting at me 20 times I hung up and haven't spoke to him since. He says he just doesn't want him to have it, that he's asked loads of people in work and they all agree with him. And despite me telling him that the people in work have abseloutley no say in how I raise my son, he refuses to listen and it's clearly his way or the highway at this point.

Im honestly considering telling him not to come home.

My little brother had baby dolls when he was a kid. I had remote control car. We all played with Lego and building toys likes sticklebricks. We’re all well-adjusted adults and, not that it matters, heterosexual. The toys you have as a kid don’t affect your sexual orientation. But they can help your development and learning as you grow. Stopping a child playing with something is more likely to create a problem than prevent it.

People rarely suddenly become enormous dicks out of the blue- does your DH normally shout at you over minor things?

And yet.... you’re having another child with this backward homophobic controlling man.

This would make me so mad! When my ds was about 18 months he used to love emptying out my makeup bag and putting all the make up back in the bag again. I got him his own little makeup bag and fake makeup set so he could play safely (and to protect my makeup!). I would have been furious if my dh had tried to stop me! Sounds like your dh thinks your son playing with non-gender conforming toys will make him less of a boy or gay somehow, which is obviously totally ridiculous.

Telling him not to come home would probably be for the best as he clearly can't control himself.

He's a knob
Is this the first example of his homophobic sexist behaviour?

As you say, your son hasn't asked for much yet, using sentences. Yet presumably from birth he has conveyed that he is hungry, wants a cuddle, is in pain, hot, cold, needs a nappy change, tired, or wants to hold something. You presumably use a sort of trial and error system, like the rest of us, if he isn't entirely clear. Your husband is hiding his issue around choice. If you buy the pram, you can't force your son to play with it. Once you have both calmed down try to find out why this has touched a nerve with your h, prompting this controlling behaviour.

OP I fear I already know the answer to this but do you have access to your own money that he can’t touch?

And yet.... you’re having another child with this backward homophobic controlling man

Oh sorry, what is it exactly you expect me to do at 8 months pregnant? I'm not exactly in the early stages? I appreciate advice and critism, but I don't appreciate you insinuating that I'm somehow wrong for being heavily pregnant with his child. This happened today not 9 months ago.

I hope you have a daughter and your DS plays with all her 'girls' toys.

Wonder if he would react if you ordered a girl a football or a car to play with.

He sounds like a nasty bastard.

NRTFT
There are bigger issues around the sexist attitudes in your DH's head here, but apart from that you can really tell him to calm down. Little children love pushing things around, that's all.
When my daughter was that age those little pushchairs were every child's favourite at stay-and-plays, friends, nursery etc. And lots of little boys had them at home, too, and not just those with liberal usual suspect parents (like me ;)). It's not an unusual toy for a boy that age, it really isn't.