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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

466 replies

calpolatdawn · 12/05/2020 18:58

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

OP posts:
Schoenes · 13/05/2020 20:02

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Itstime1 · 13/05/2020 20:02

OP i agree with you. 100% it is wrong to make a child feel bad for a food issue that potentially have no control over. I am the 'picky' eater and always have been, my parents tried me with every variety of food they could and always tried but there's something there that means I just can't eat it. I have 'safe' foods that I can and always will be able to eat but there is no logic to what is 'safe and what isnt! I can't even explain it sometimes.

I eat so much fruit and vegetables as my dad was a greengrocer growing up so it wasn't like I wasn't given choices. But I know what I like and what I hate. Thats ok too.

Even as an adult you're made to feel bad for it but I have learnt not to care, those who know me well enough will always make sure there's something 'safe' on a menu for me to eat! They don't judge me for my reaction if it comes out with added extras (literally the worst thing that can happen and i can't eat it) or if it comes out wrong and I a. just can't eat it and b. no longer want food.

My husband is a very fussy eater but that is 100% due to his parents not providing variety growing up. He was 21 before he tried corn on the cob (my all time favourite treat on a tea). He now loves it! My Dad is a big help with him as obviously he brought me up and just makes him try everything at least once so I know there are different types of 'picky; but I agree, let them like what they like as long as they have tried! 100% they shouldn't be made to feel bad or they WILL associate it with naughty and food and this can (from experience due to insensitive teachers) lead to other food related problems.

thelastteacake · 13/05/2020 20:03

@ChilliCheese123 but what you describe is a dish with different possible toppings. What people have tried to explain is that when someone will only eat a few dishes or food groups it either restricts what everyone else eats or forces them to cook multiple options which can be really irritating and inconvenient.

KKSlider · 13/05/2020 20:05

Schoenes you seem to have a poor understanding if the issues surrounding restricted diets, particularly conditions such as autism, ARFID, and SPD. There is a wealth of information available about them on Google.

MouthBreathingRage · 13/05/2020 20:06

Fussy people are dead annoying,

Well that explains a lot. This is what happens when parents get lazy on the home education front. Their immature teens start using Mumsnet...

thelastteacake · 13/05/2020 20:10

@bookmum08 it’s not like in your wine example. Disliking wine doesn’t dictate what everyone drinks whereas food fussiness can.

I sympathise with those who can’t help being fussy but why is nobody else allowed to be irritated by it? Can’t you accept that they might be?

KKSlider · 13/05/2020 20:15

*I sympathise with those who can’t help being fussy but why is nobody else allowed to be irritated by it? Can’t you accept that they might be?

Because being irritated with someone for food issues related to autism, SPD, or ARFID is about as pointless as being irritated with someone for having brown hair or being tall. Do other disabilities irritate you or only the ones that affect eating?

Theeighthelephant · 13/05/2020 20:18

There is a wealth of information available about them on Google.

I doubt they're interested.

Schoenes · 13/05/2020 20:27

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Booboodisney · 13/05/2020 20:28

@schoenes you’re so funny . You’re apparently ‘slim’ then. And you eat absolutely everything ? And so do your kids ? Good for you. Bet they have their own downfalls though, and I’m sure they and you do things that are ‘dead annoying’.

Booboodisney · 13/05/2020 20:29

I’d rather take the way I eat and be a size 8 by the way than be a Labrador that Hoover’s everything up, moans about picky eaters and then cries because they look fat. Jokes on them.

RapunzelsBuzzcut · 13/05/2020 20:35

Seems like desperate attention seeking.

Yeah, you do.

bookmum08 · 13/05/2020 20:37

theladtteacake I never dictate what other people can eat. I would never say they can't eat something just because I don't like it. Why would I do that?

rayoflightboy · 13/05/2020 20:47

Because being irritated with someone for food issues related to autism, SPD, or ARFID is about as pointless as being irritated with someone for having brown hair or being tall. Do other disabilities irritate you or only the ones that affect eating?
For the 100th time,tthats not what this threads about

june2007 · 13/05/2020 20:51

It,s not just about the eating it,s how you manage it, for instance you don,t do what my oh did when we had salad for tea at my mums and say "Rabbit food".Not a good way to connect with ones in laws.

MouthBreathingRage · 13/05/2020 20:56

I've reported this thread more than once over the use of a ablelist language, yet it's my post that gets deleted for using the word twat, even though it wasn't directed at one poster in particular? The sense of this site at times...

KKSlider · 13/05/2020 21:10

@rayoflightboy I was replying to a poster who had said they sympathise with people who can't help it but why aren't they allowed to be irritated by it.

KKSlider · 13/05/2020 21:10

I was pointing out how pointless it is to be irritated with people for something they can't help.

YourVagesty · 13/05/2020 21:22

I was a picky eater but my mum continually fed me things that I later found out I was allergic too. Didn't find out until I was 16 that i had those allergies but suddenly the list of things i'd sat at the table (bawling my eyes out btw) rejecting, made a lot of sense.

My body knew what was good for it and what was damaging to it. I wasn't just being 'fussy'.

Purpleartichoke · 13/05/2020 21:31

@Schoenes. Yes, my poor child is forced to deal with medical exams to try to keep her alive and mental health support because of the stress of dealing with people who think the world should only support the healthy and neuro-typical.

Yet somehow, I suspect your comment was not about her bad luck, but about my parenting. You can’t have it both ways. Declaring that picky eaters need a psychiatrist and then criticizing when we actually take them to one.

CamdenRd · 13/05/2020 21:55

Uh this thread is about fussy eaters. Why is it being dominated by discussion of eating disorders, special needs, food intolerances and allergies? Obviously no-one could begrudge someone with a condition or specific needs from eating a restrictive diet. That goes without saying for me.

But fussy eaters who are fussy for no other reason that being fusspots? They are a PITA.

Theeighthelephant · 13/05/2020 22:43

The OP mentioned ASD, and there seem to be plenty on this thread who would begrudge someone.

DeRigueurMortis · 13/05/2020 22:54

Exactly Camden

Most posters have made clear that people not being to able certain foods due to medical, religious or ethical reasons do not fall into the bracket of "picky".

Unfortunately there's the odd goady poster that some people are responding to in this regard.

The reality is there is a cohort of people that do not fall into any of the categories above that simply refuse to eat food that isn't their first preference nor even try new foods to develop their palate.

They are selfish because they do impact the food choices of those around them - from what's cooked at home (either their food or making 2 meals), to which restaurants you go to, visiting friends for dinner (or not because people are fed up with their attitude) to repeating the cycle with their own kids because if Daddy will only eat 10 foods why should their children eat a wide variety of foods.

MiL isn't remotely interested in food. It's just fuel and as such she's never enjoyed cooking.

When I met DH I was surprised how limited his diet was - but he simply hadn't ever been exposed to a wide range of foods (or taught to cook) and was wary of buying a restaurant meal of something he'd never tasted.

I love cooking and fair play he got stuck in and ate what I cooked and discovered just how many things he does really like (even if he thought he wouldn't).

He's a very adventurous eater now and will try pretty much anything once.

Tbh if his attitude had been otherwise we wouldn't be married as the idea of living with someone who eats a limited menu by choice is my idea of hell.

Sewingbea · 13/05/2020 23:01

Obviously no-one could begrudge someone with a condition or specific needs from eating a restrictive diet. That goes without saying for me. Which is appreciated but many people don't pause for a second to think that there might be a deeper issue behind the perceived "picky eating" and instead make free with their unpleasant comments.

Purpleartichoke · 13/05/2020 23:15

You would be surprised what might be causing a picky eater to be picky. You aren’t always privy to a person’s diagnosis. Many people with certain conditions don’t really act that differently than the mainstream. People hear ASD and they picture a kid rocking in the corner who will need lifelong care. They don’t realize that there are many adults going about their lives with only their spouse and doctor privy to their personal condition.