Too fat for sex

[lindsay2900]

Does anyone feel like this if you're over 18st? I was 16st in December, now 19st I find sex so difficult now being this size, feel fat and sometimes claustrophobic when on my back. When I was 16st, I was fine. Could easily move around.

This is ridiculous. The op claims that sex is impossible now because of their size. What advice can people give, if it isn't to lose weight?

If you re-read you'll see that the OP didn't ask for advice! All she was asking was if anyone else has the same experience. Jeez.

OP, I can relate. I'm carrying more weight than I should, and as well as sex being uncomfortable (DH is overweight as well) my body confidence has taken a hit. No doubt the fat police will be along any time to shout at me and offer unsolicited advice, but they needn't bother as I am in the process of losing weight and so is DH. And even if we weren't, strangers on the internet have no right to judge other people's body sizes.

At a time like this it's coming to something when there are people getting this worked up because they think someone they don't even know should be judged on how much space they take up in the world. Sheesh.

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow

How do you mean wrong? Incorrect or inappropriate?

No "fat police" is shouting. Seriously.🙄

Some people here need to take a chill pill

@Floatyboat inappropriate. No way should that be put on a public forum unless he wants it there

I am that weight and so is my husband. I also have severe back problems. All of this combined means we can't have sex anymore. Yes there are other things we could do apart from penetration but with self esteem and confidence at zero I just never want to.
When we were still having sex I found it very uncomfortable. I felt like he was crushing me and like I couldn't breathe. I also find it very hard to hold my legs up. Then the next day I would be in pain with my muscles. Not worth it for me

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow

She doesn't need to name him! Surely that information is fundamental to issue at hand.

No "fat police" is shouting. Seriously.🙄

I beg to differ.

The endorphins released by exercise are more effective than any anti-depressants, and the best form of exercise is dancing because then you get the double hit of music which also has extraordinary effects on brain chemistry. I recommend Physical by Dua Lipa. You're welcome.

@MillennialPink so all someone who is clinically depressed has to do is have a little dance and they won't be depressed any more? Just wow.

Floatyboat

Should she report on the shape and size of her genitals too? Because that might have as much bearing on the situation as the size of his penis.

@hearhooves

You'll have to explain that one. I'm just presuming she has a vagina that doesn't protrude from her body?

Sounds like a good motivation reason to try and reduce your weight so that you can comfortably resume relations.

The endorphins released by exercise are more effective than any anti-depressants, and the best form of exercise is dancing because then you get the double hit of music which also has extraordinary effects on brain chemistry. I recommend Physical by Dua Lipa. You're welcome.

@MillennialPink so all someone who is clinically depressed has to do is have a little dance and they won't be depressed any more? Just wow.

@bringincrazyback. Yes. Wow is absolutely right. But it's not sufficient to just "have a little dance" as you put it. You'd really need to dance for at least 20 minutes, 5 times a week and to upbeat music that you personally love to start experiencing the full mood-lifting effects. There are some chord progressions that can trigger an almost euphoric effect. Bodies were made to move and music has a primal effect. Try it. Seriously.

I used to be over 18 stone. DH is extremely fit, and strong luckily, but I was so embarrassed of my body I couldn’t relax and had no energy anyway. I also have a back problem and would ache all over from trying to contort myself into position. ‘Girl on top’ was a pretty uncomfortable position for DH, bless him, and he’d need time to recover afterwards.

I’ve lost almost 5 stone of that, mainly through lots of exercise as it made me want to eat better, and even though I’m still overweight, our sex life has gone from a couple of times a month to nearly every night and it’s amazing. I’m much more energetic, if we had a chandelier I’d try to swing from it! Need lockdown to end soon so we can get rid of the DC and actually make some noise doing it though .

Spot on Millenial about music, exercise and depression. I could literally dance down the street with a big smile on my face sometimes while I’m out fast walking my 10km with my ear pods in blasting dance music. I only stop myself due to the looks I’d get if someone passed by. It took a few weeks to get to this stage but it definitely helps with mood. I’d normally go to the gym but walking and an exercise video is better than nothing at the moment. I prefer Dirty Talk by Wynter Gordon though!

ilovetea I can’t imagine why anyone would just give up on something as fundamental and enjoyable as having sex with their partner because it seems too much effort to lose weight. It absolutely is as simple as ‘eat less and move more’. I’m a prime example and it did seem like it would be much too hard until I actually started doing it.

I'd like to ask those who are claiming that dancing is an effective treatment for depression whether they have ever been diagnosed as clinically depressed themselves? Because although I quite agree music and dancing can have uplifting effects that might be sufficient to correct the mood if someone is just feeling a bit miz, I think it's a bit simplistic and frankly irresponsible to claim that the endorphins released are 'more effective than any anti-depressants'. @MillennialPink Are you citing actual scientific research here (in which case I'd be interested to see it) or merely stating an opinion?

I was clinically diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, as well as being obese with hypothyroidism, high blood pressure and lumbar spondylosis. I was on a lot of meds and can concur that exercise is much more effective, not only for depression and anxiety but also for pain relief and blood pressure. I’m only on hypothyroid meds now.

There are loads of articles on it.

Just one:

www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/exercise-is-an-all-natural-treatment-to-fight-depression

I'm another who has suffered with severe bouts of depression although it isn't easy to muster the energy, when I do the benefit is amazing. It helps me maintain a balance my depressive symptoms decreased massively with daily exercise.

I get very sweaty now I'm fat which I don't like. And I miss being thrown around. But doggy is good at any size