Too fat for sex

[lindsay2900]

Does anyone feel like this if you're over 18st? I was 16st in December, now 19st I find sex so difficult now being this size, feel fat and sometimes claustrophobic when on my back. When I was 16st, I was fine. Could easily move around.

No!
At my biggest 11 stone (I know that isn’t a lot but I’m very small height wise so it was) it was a lot easier to have sex to now when I’m 6 stone (physically wise it’s hard as My bones stick out and hurt)
Don’t be put off by the thought of your body images in your head I’m sure your all beautiful.

You will know this already but three stone is a huge amount to put on in four months. Are you able to pin point why your weight gain has accelerated in this way? It could be because of medical reasons, it could be psychological but I would think it would be worth getting to the root cause of this very rapid gain if you're not happy as you are (which I presume from your post, you're not) and don't want it to continue

@Saucy99 is right. If you can't do it and you feel uncomfortable you have to lose weight. No it won't happen over night but chip away chip away and it will happen. It's not going to get better until you do something about it. This isn't something that cannot possibly be changed. So change it.

SHE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING WEIGHT. ALL FAT PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW THIS. Stop patronising her.

How is suggesting a healthier lifestyle patronising?

@ChipotleBlessing so why would she post? Fat people hate people agreeing that they are fat and suggesting that the solution is to lose weight rather than whinge about being fat.

I am fat and am working on being less fat so I don’t have to moan about being fat

My husband and I went on diets because our bellies slapped together making comedy noises.

If you find yourself writing a sentence on MN which starts with the words "why don't you just..." you should read it back before you hit send and think about whether you're genuinely being helpful or being an asshole.

Reiterating what others have said...

Fat people are aware they are fat.
We do not need people to point it out.
We know what we have to do.
It is not instant surprisingly.
Wind your fucking neck in.
Address the original point.

@saucy99 Because her post wasn't about weight loss. She wanted to discuss an aspect of being heavy. She didn't ask 'what can I do about this'. That, and the fact that she 100% knows that weight loss is a thing, makes your response patronising at best and a disguised dig at worst. Just keep your unsolicited advice to yourself, or if you are desperate to dish it out, find a relevant post where people actually ask.

Thank you @CloudyVanilla

And best of luck OP

No advice from me but I'm sorry you're feeling this way. There are ways and means which don't involve lying on your back and, remember, some men find big women very sexy.

(A lot of people will have put on weight during lockdown. I know I have, keep thinking about food when I'm not eating it.)

@CrazyToast
He op said I struggle making love because I am overweight. So my suggestion was don't be overweight. Not sure how that is patronising or disgusting 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well losing weight isn’t going to help her with having sex this afternoon, is it? And as if she hadn’t already thought of that idea

😂

@Saucy99 so your suggestion is that OP doesn't have sec until she looses weight...

Sorry OP

You don’t think responding to someone who says ‘I am overweight’ with ‘why don’t you not be?’ is patronising? She knows she’s overweight, it’s in the fucking OP. It is not necessary to suggest losing weight every time an overweight person starts a conversation.

@CaptainCabinets her OP literally says why she is posting. She’s not denying being fat. As she is capable of typing a sentence, she is likely to be aware that the solution to being fat is to lose weight.

I abhor people simplifying fat people problems to just losing some weight

OP, I'm 5'4" and weigh just over 18st. Partner is 5'10" and is over 22st.

We didn't have a super active sex life, but I wanted to feel wanted and needed in that way.

We now haven't been intimate since about 9 months ago. He suffocates me on top, because primarily of my weight. It's also hard to find his penis. I can't manage on top for more than a moment.

I now can't do anything til I've had surgery on my spine.

It's not as easy as just losing weight for me; I'm disabled and my mobility is atrocious. I need to be able to be active to lose weight, it's not just about my diet.

Easier for my partner, and I wish he would go back to the gym (when lockdown ends), I miss his giant mancalves. He's put on over four stone since we met.

I used to be a really sexual person. I miss it.

The comments on this thread are a cesspit of fat phobia. But I'd expect nothing less on mumsnet. Op might want to lose weight, she might not, or might not be able to. Why are people replying about her weigh gain or how to lose weight.

She knows she’s overweight, it’s in the fucking OP. It is not necessary to suggest losing weight every time an overweight person starts a conversation.

Its the mentality of some. And when that doesn't work the comments get nastier. And people get called unhealthy, unnatractive, a drain on the NHS and so on. Because they are determined that you will listen to them. I remember a lovely thread on here about looking fabulous and fat, and where to buy nice clothes. Its wasn't long before the arseholes rocked up, desperate to point out all of the above to people. How dare fat people be happy instead of ashamed after all....

I can imagine it would impact some positions if either partner was very large. Some of the Kama sutra could be impossible if you are very heavy. Also just a basic legs up and over him in a standard missionary if very fat might be a bit more awkward. Depends how adventurous you want to be.
If you are unhappy with sex due to weight you could if you want to attempt to lose some weight? More importantly, for health reasons it would be a good idea to have a look at what you eat and how much you exercise.

If you are unhappy with sex due to weight you could if you want to attempt to lose some weight? More importantly, for health reasons it would be a good idea to have a look at what you eat and how much you exercise.

And boom. Here we go....
Next!

Well what are people meant to say? Did op just want people to commiserate with her?

Well what are people meant to say? Did op just want people to commiserate with her?

Oh FFS! Some posters NEVER miss a chance for a good bit of fatphobia.

Well, we don't know what OP wanted from this post 🤷🏻
No matter how aggressively someone shouts, it all does really boil down to "If you want it to change you need to lose weight". Some posters should take the chip off their shoulder tbh. And I say that as 20+stone woman.