Too fat for sex

[lindsay2900]

Does anyone feel like this if you're over 18st? I was 16st in December, now 19st I find sex so difficult now being this size, feel fat and sometimes claustrophobic when on my back. When I was 16st, I was fine. Could easily move around.

To the po faced types

Sex is excellent exercise

So give the op some ideas to help her now. She will get exercise, and feel better and happier, which in turn might make more of a mindset to lose more. Virtuous circle.

So. Sex tips for op is what you need to give if you generally want to help.

Coolname,

Lovely, constructive post and has made me think a bit. I would be one of the people thinking that losing weight is the obvious solution, and not for a second would I be trying to be unkind, or even think it’s such an insulting thing to suggest. I am the type of person struggling dieters envy, eat whatever I like and stay at 8 stone - so have never had to try dieting, therefore it seems I have a warped sense of how easy (or successful) it would be. I just wanted to post this as I read all the previous stuff and genuinely could not see what was so insulting. Not everyone who suggests losing weight is doing it out of meanness, or fat shaming.

What position are you comfortable in then? I assume you sleep on your side if being on your back feels bad so maybe just lay on your side and let your partner have at it from behind spooning style.

@Coolname If you want a diet that works, ditch the lettuce and try the No-Carb /Low Carb threads right here on Mumsnet. The weight will literally fall off you. Meanwhile, have a look at photos from the 1930s, 1940s, 1950s or 1960s. I defy you to find anyone who weighs 19 stone. Are you saying people didn't experience stress, peer pressure, beauty norms, hardship during those decades? Of course they did, but they didn't sit around on their fat arses eating Dominos and takeaway every night and drinking Prosecco and moaning on Mumsnet about how fucking anxious they are. Have you ever considered the idea that obesity isn't caused by mental anguish, but the other way around. That obesity is the cause of mental health problems and low self esteem? The endorphins released by exercise are more effective than any anti-depressants, and the best form of exercise is dancing because then you get the double hit of music which also has extraordinary effects on brain chemistry. I recommend Physical by Dua Lipa. You're welcome.

Well erm. Corsetry. Women having ribs removed. Being overweight was in fashion when food was scarce in the past as it showed you had money. Eating disorders have always existed. Plenty of women were overweight in the 60s. Maybe slightly older women, they are invisible to a lot of people though. I defy you to find an overweight woman from the 60s! Challenge accepted. Hattie Jacques.

Any sex tips for the op, as she actually wants? Guessing not.

If you read the op though she says she feels fat, claustrophobic on her back and that moving around is difficult and that sex is difficult. It's not easy to suggest positions that accommodate all of those issues is it? We tried spooning when I was pregnant and it was impossible - I'm not sure that's as easy or guaranteed to work as some are portraying it on here. It also relies on your partner being slim enough to get very close up to you.

Agree with ditching lettuce because it's just nutritionally useless, but low carb is not particularly amazing for many either. Imho, people shouldn't be taking off whole food groups as it is really difficult to keep for ever. People shouldn't diet. Diets don't work long term. They should be changing lifestyle.

@Beetrootrocks Well done. You managed to find ONE overweight woman who existed in a time frame of 40 years. As I'm sure you are aware, Hattie Jacques died of a heart attack aged 58 and was also suffering from kidney failure at the time. But sure, lets persist in the fantasy that it's perfectly OK to be 19 stone because Society Is To Blame. As for @CoolName's idea that OP should get a sex swing, what do you suggest she hang it from exactly?

Where there’s a willy there’s a way.

This is better than tv tonight!

What would you hang a swing from though? A roof joist or something?

I'm about 10st but still feel fat in sex. I have a bit of a tummy and muffin top and my arse is pretty horrible with cellulite. Plus my thighs are also revolting. I have sex with the lights off which makes me feel better.

I don't think size is an issue though if you are toned. I am not, I look revolting naked. This is probably not helpful but just letting you know you're not alone

'Meanwhile, have a look at photos from the 1930s, 1940s, 1950s or 1960s. I defy you to find anyone who weighs 19 stone'

I found one with 2 secs thought! If you think she was the only overweight person in all those decades you are deluded. Oh here's another one that just popped into my mind. Winston Churchill.

Still no sex tips for op, you just seem to be up for a fight.

Name one you said. There's two.

So. You asked a question. I said here you go. So you're wrong. That's what happens when stuff threads with hyperbole.

I have a friend who has her swing in the loft attached to the floor, her hubby is very handy. They open the hatch and lower it down. I'd honestly love to try it.
Back to the debate.
You clearly didn't understand when I said I had lost the weight.
I found what worked for me.
The point is that she isn't asking for your weight loss tips.
It's dick she's after not weight Watchers.
I should get that on a T shirt.

It occurs to me that the idea of bigger women being desirable might be what's upsetting these diet enthusiasts.
Just chatting with DH and he said he didn't care when I was all roly-poly.
I jumping off now, before I go I wish many orgasms upon you xxx

I'm in healthy weight range by the way so the nasty jabs won't hurt me. I read them and I just think, well you're a deeply nasty person, I mean that's just obvious to anyone reading. Maybe take a look at yourself before you slag others off.

I'm not bothered by, or surprised by, fat people having sex or other people finding them desirable. If the human race is proof of anything it's that humans just love to fuck. My point is that if OP has reached the stage where sex is uncomfortable / impossible, then this is definitely not going to be the only area of her life in which being 19 stone will be limiting her horizons and causing her problems. And yes, you're right. I am a deeply nasty person. Although I do agree with you that Beetroot does in fact rock.

I don't care about size, shape or anything else.

I just can't see how anyone can give practical advice when why can be done is limited by physical constraints.

It's dick she's after not weight Watchers
I should get that on a T shirt*
You really should it is a cracking slogan. Imagine the shocked look on a passersby.
OK positions ladys for OP. The scissors might work?
I'm in a similar position to @BeetrootRocks
My man is big talk rugby build with belly.

Jeez, some people! I was 18 stone a couple of weeks ago & have lost 4lb this week. I have self esteem issues, particularly around Sex-have always had them but always somewhat overweight. Alcohol always helps loosen me up 😬

Someone mentioned starting to lose weight. I've struggled since having dc but not working now so aiming for Drinking much less & doing 10k steps a day. The first few weeks of lockdown I drank more & comfort ate more. If I can lose a stone then maybe I can do better exercise. Changing habits is the hardest thing so I just aimed to achieve one week. Am taking it day by day & hoping for a loss, however long it takes