Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

sorry to hear you don’t like your engagement ring . I chose mine when we went to the jewellers with my husband to be, he proposed in our back garden lol, I really didn’t care where he proposed I was over the moon, still together and happily married

Disappointment with the ring is one thing, if it's not to your style and taste. Disappointment with the form of the proposal is quite another. It's normal to find couples with different superficial tastes. But if you like the grand romantic gesture and he's not interested, then there could be differences that are more fundamental about your general expectations of life.

My DH simply does not 'do' the down on one knee sort of thing. We got engaged in the garden at a friend's party, both sloshed, laughing helplessly and each of us not even sure the other one of us was serious. We had to reaffirm our commitment when we'd sobered up, and were hungover!

We are now coming up to 18 years later and he encourages me in my career and doesn't place his in importance above mine, does his fair share of any housework or household projects, and absolutely takes a 50/50% interest and input into the upbringing of our DC. And he still makes me laugh. Personally I'd rather have these things than a romantic or demonstrative proposal. But people are different.

You seem to have been lumbered with his choice. Your intended is either a selfish control freak or a mummy's boy

Eh? How did you come to that conclusion? Op said he picked a ring that was similar to one she had admired. It's more likely that he chose something he thought she'd like and followed the (albeit slightly old fashioned) tradition of surprising her.
Where does his mummy come into it?

I learnt that being disappointed in life was due to pictures I had conjured up of how it was meant to be. Don't conjure up images, and you won't be let down.

You seem to have been lumbered with his choice. Your intended is either a selfish control freak or a mummy's boy
Wow. Nasty, spiteful post with no actual logic behind it at all.

I felt let down by my DH's proposal at the time. He got down on one knee in a park whilst we walked the dogs, with a group of "youths" hanging around drinking nearby. But that was ten years ago, and I loved our wedding day. Proposal feels irrelevant now!

I would gently ask to change the ring if I were you. If he gets really upset then he is oversensitive IMO. But forget the proposal - unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

LEAVE THE OP ALONE! Ffs where's all the be kind attitude? A lot of you are just making complete shut up that she has not said

Op close the thread down......not worth the mindfuck. I still totally get what your were saying.....and I agree with you x take care

Just to give you a little perspective; I have been married for 16 years and thought about the moment I was proposed to about four times, most of those prompted by my children asking. What comes afterwards is far more significant! Do you think it's the wider context of lockdown that is amplifying things for you? You can have a big celebration when this is over; people renew wedding vows so don't see why he can't renew an engagement proposal. These sorts of purchases can be a minefield for men and if you commented positively on a similar ring then he probably thought he had got it right. If you think you can tell him tactfully that you would prefer another ring then I would do so otherwise it will be a constant reminder of your disappointment.

Thank you @fuuuuuuck that's very kind.

I have a thick skin so I'm not too bothered by the comments - although I didn't anticipate feeling like I needed to defend my understanding of marriage or my future husband being called controlling / mummy's boy..!

Anyway, thank you again :)

No need to thank.......you'll always come off worse by posting anything that's upset you on here!!!! Sign off, enjoy the rest of weekend x

I learnt that being disappointed in life was due to pictures I had conjured up of how it was meant to be. Don't conjure up images, and you won't be let down. I've always put it down to men (well mine) not having read the script of a Hollywood romance. It's not much to ask is it?

OP at least it was more romantic than a couple I know. They were going abroad on holiday, let's say Paris (it wasn't) so she tells him she wants him to surprise her with a proposal while in Paris, she also stipulates where, so something like top of the Eiffel Tower or on the steps of Notre Dame. She also picked out the ring he had to surprise her with.

They came home and she told all her friends about the wonderful romantic proposal. He told all his mates about the plan and they told their partners/wives/girlfriends. Everybody found it quite hilarious if a little baffling.

At least he read the script.

@SallyB392 This made me smile. My DH proposed to me every time he got drunk (a couple of times a year), & I turned him down. Eventually I said yes when we were sat in bed on Xmas morning with 3 children, I opened the little box with a ring in it and he just said 'im not drunk so'?

The ring? Well he tried, so I'm still wearing it 20 years later!

Don't know if it is just me but that sounds very romantic to me. It made me smile.

I bet that came as a big surprise to here alright, 1forsorrow 🤣
Planning your own surprise has got to be the dopiest thing I've ever heard. Poor thing.

Hilarious isn't it, although not for him. I think he has discovered she really is that controlling. I did wonder if she knew what a surprise was.

I didn't get a proposal but so far I've had 8 years of a ridiculously happy marriage. It's the marriage bit that's important.

I was the same as sparkling brook, We went To choose mine, we were living together it was hidden behind the fruit bowl and a Cook meal to celebrate, a bit like Lockdown then and that was in 2005. I was over the moon 💙 22 Years later I have never lost it and didn’t spend a fortune on it either😄🌈 xx

Sorry 14 Years later 😄💙

The proposal involved a conversation in the bathroom my partner saying - on Feb 29 - is there something you want to ask me?

Me: No. What you are on about?

Him: Something women traditionally just ask on this day.

Me: I still haven't a clue what you mean.

Him: Women sometimes ask men this question when it's a Leap Yar.

Me: You're suggesting I say why don't we get married?

I don't wear a ring. I've never felt comfortable with them on my finger.

I think it was a perfectly satisfactory way to go about getting married myself....

I think it's just that some people never got the memo about a proposal being a 'thing', an event in itself. To them it is actually what it says, a proposal of marriage. It seems your fiance falls into that category.
As for the ring, if you really don't like it I'd suggest you tactfully suggest changing it for one you pick out together. Save him wasting his money.

OP I think you need to speak to him about the ring. If you wear gold then platinum isn't going to fit in with your style and other jewellery. It's an important and expensive piece of jewellery you will wear forever so I do think it needs to be right regardless of cost. Just talk to him about it.

My husband proposed on the sofa at home, completely unromantic. I don't really care as I don't like fuss but I would've perhaps liked him to go on one knee just for a bit of tradition/romance, so I do understand, it's horses for courses. But it really is what comes after and it won't always be so important.

Out of interest, how would you all feel if you have your partner a present and they turned round and said they didn't like it?

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras if it was a present your partner was supposed to then wear EVERY DAY and prominently for the rest of his life, I think I’d be fine with him saying he would like something different to the one I’d chosen!

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I have thought about this - if it was something small , let's say a jumper - I'd rather he changed it than it sat in his wardrobe unworn.

But I wouldn't buy him something very expensive and personal that I'd expect him to wear every day without being 100000% sure he loved it. It would be like me going out and buying him a Rolex without checking he'd totally love it and that was the one he wanted. To me, that would be madness but it seems to be common with e rings because they have more meaning behind them.

So, did you tell him this beforehand op? You know, in a general conversation about getting engaged, that if it ever happened you wanted to choose your own ring?

What will you do if you tell him you don't like it and want to exchange it but the jewellers won't do it?

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras it's custom made so we could get it reset using just one diamond, or just reset it in gold and keep the style.

I need to get it resized anyway.

I hadn't said I wanted us to choose together but I had told him what I wanted so either I just seemed verrrry keen on the ring I fake complimented or he had other reasons but I haven't brought it up yet.