Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

Dh proposed by passing me a ring box and saying " you better put that on then" no on one knee,no soppyness.

Thanks Fungal that's kind. It's not your fault you don't have bigger problems.

If you can't change the disappointing ring set with five huge diamonds, chuck it my way. I'd gladly pawn it and buy a small house

He proposed at the sewage works I think this mumsnetter wins the thread.

fungal you'd think someone was issuing medals for Virtue Signaller of the week. In solid gold.

My DHs proposal was a complete flop with next to no effort but at the end of the day the proposal is just one small part of it. At the time it really stung, so I completely understand how you feel but its not something that bothers me anymore or a think about. Give it time. Once you start planning the wedding you'll get that excited buzz. Plus I do think with lockdown you probably have more time to chew it over than you otherwise would have, so try looking at some wedding stuff to take your mind off it and to get yourself excited. Congratulations x

I've had some awful proposals. My husband, the only one I married did it properly. You get what you settle for.

Pseudo 🤣 . I doubt that was a joke but it's unintentionally hilarious 😆

it was not the moment I've dreamed of. He wanted it at home as it's low key and unexpected but I would have loved to be somewhere amazing -not somewhere public or fancy but just a lovely walk or we've been on 3 holidays in the past 6 months. He didn't go down on one knee or say any speech or anything.

Sorry love, you're living in a fairy tale if that is what you want....

Haven't RTFT, but if he treats you with respect, makes you feel good and is a good 'un, that's what counts.

On the other hand, don't wait for a man to take you on holiday...
(when this is all over).

Have you made any decisions yet whether to discuss with him? It must be difficult to make a decision if you can’t try the ring on because it’s too small. Sounds like it will have to go back to the jeweller anyway so that may be a chance to ask to try one in the correct size and see what you think. Do you have a photo?

When I meet my husband we just knew we were going to get married so don't remember having a proper proposal. We went together to choose my engagement ring but he couldn't afford the one I wanted. I very much regret not offering to pay the extra. i think of my ring as being like a christmas cracker ring although it isn't,

My husband asked me when I wanted to make an honest man of him. We were watching a rom com in bed, I told him I was happy as we were but he was keen on the formality of it and pulled out a ring that had belonged to a beloved auntie of his, and not something I'd go for but I think it's a precious thing to wear because of the love between him and his late aunt. We were engaged for a year and got married just the two of us, as I never wanted a wedding day/white dress situation and all the hassle that goes with it. I appreciate that it's important to a lot of people and makes them happy, but it's not me.

I never had a particular dream situation in mind, I was just happy he loves me enough to commit to a life long pain in the arse like me :)

Any proposal is special in its own way, it can even be special in it's awfulness :P

There's nothing wrong with feeling deflated: we often build these things up in our head via fantasy and daydream and that's completely normal.

I wanted an Eiffel Tower proposal but we didn't have the money so we went to Paris for a short break as our honeymoon and had dinner on the Eiffel Tower .... it was just as good.

I agree with PP: just say you feel like Covid has taken the shine off things a bit so why don't we do something special to mark the occasion when all this is over.

As for the ring, that's trickier. Just tell him how much you love him and how excited you are but you're not wild about the ring and would he mind if you changed it? If he's confused because you like your friends ring just laugh a little to take the sting out and say "oh you know how us women are changing our minds all the time, lucky you to have a lifetime of it eh?" And make a joke out of it.

Do some careful digging 1st as the ring may have been bought due to cost, in which case just pick a jazzy wedding ring.

@ginsparkles that’s a really thoughtful comment and something I’d have not thought possible so thanks for sharing 😊

I mentioned the ring price not to be superior, but to show it's not about the cost and materials of a ring that's important... It's the sentiment.

Is he a get down on one knee type of person? Or if being honest ... He's a normal bloke who said ... Here's a ring, will you marry me?

....
To the others who tagged me
I spupose I jumped cos being a man, a lot of pressure is on us.

Us men hear these complaints all the time ... He didn't do this, he didn't do it that way, he didn't say this or that.
What a cheap looking ring, how much did he really spend, I wanted a large show off ring.
Does he really love me if he didn't do ????????? Whatever you decide we didn't do or say.

My point, is that, if the OH loves you, a big fancy ring, or a performance isn't necessary, no need for a sonett or a prose or poem.

From the heart is all that's needed.

@M2B19 pleasure, we make all of our engagement rings for our customers so we can usually find away of helping in situations like these.

Honestly I think you are more in love with the idea of marriage and big proposal that the man you plan to marry.
Maybe this is your subconscious telling you that you shouldn’t marry him.
Find someone you love so much he could give you a plastic ring and you wouldn’t care.

It’s the genuine thought that counts. Perhaps he was too nervous to propose in front of an audience? Most men never get it right the first time. The fact that he loves you and has actually done it should matter the most. Like you, I had always dreamed of a big romantic proposal and huge diamond but what actually happened was this.... after a week of being together (we had seen each other everyday for two months) he proposed to me on his parents sofa. No audience and no ring, at all. I was 19 and he was 20. I was over the moon because I loved him and knew he was the one no matter what. We got married 12 years and two boys later. It’s our 5th wedding anniversary this year and 17 years in total. I haven’t looked back, ever. As long as you love the man behind the ring and proposal, you already have everything.

Mine was - 'oh, pregnant - shall we get married then?'
I can't even remember which of us suggested the marriage - 22 years and 4 children later...it really doesn't matter about the proposal, but man I'd be pissed off if the ring was shite...

5 HUGE Diamonds! - PHOTO PLEASE

I was proposed to, in bed, drinking tea. It was around about the 3rd anniversary of us being together & he kept asking me if I wanted to go out to dinner. Even though I was expecting the proposal, as we'd always talked about getting married, I just hadn't twigged why. It was the really hot summer we had a couple of years back and I didn't think it was fair to leave our pets locked in (as evenings were the only time we could get cooler air through) any longer than we needed to so kept saying no 😂

SonnyRobes, I agree with what you said, but men do want their partners to be happy, or at least most do, don't they? I wouldn't use the word 'grateful', but I think appreciating that your fella has made an effort, is a nice thing to do. Even if it doesn't seem like much, it still could mean a lot to him. I suppose it's more about caring for his feelings as well as your own, and expressing that, rather than being 'grateful'.
Being disappointed isn't wrong, it's a natural human response that we sometimes have in lots of situations. I think it's important to be sensitive in how you might approach the matter with your partner, but also I think that a few years down the line it will probably be much less of an issue for you, and if it still is, you can always get it changed or wear another ring instead, that he might get you as a birthday or anniversary gift perhaps.

but some women seem to be under the delusion that a crap, thoughtless proposal is actually preferable or more genuine confused Their main evidence for this seems to be the fact they’ve so far steered clear of divorce.

Twisted logic, and that last sentence is just nasty IMO.

Many of us had an unromantic proposal (A) and are still happily married decades later (B). We are not claiming that B is a result of A. Rather that in the fullness of time it doesn't matter a jot that we didn't get the Insta Moment.

Each to their own

I changed my rings a few years in and am delighted I did.

Mine was in a car with a plastic ring 😆 still married 13 years later, e
He knew i don't believe in spending money on jewellery I'd rather invest it or buy something practical. I didbtease him for not proposing a few weeks before on a weekend break at the most lovely beach and honestly he said that hadn't even occurred to him...🤷🧔

Anyway put it behind you get a wedding ring you really like and don't wear engagement one of you don't want to after that. And enjoy planning the wedding albeit in uncertain times!

This made me smile. My DH proposed to me every time he got drunk (a couple of times a year), & I turned him down. Eventually I said yes when we were sat in bed on Xmas morning with 3 children, I opened the little box with a ring in it and he just said 'im not drunk so'?

The ring? Well he tried, so I'm still wearing it 20 years later!