To ask how many feel they’ve “settled” and who feels there’re with their “soul mate”

[butterflytree7]

I think I may have settled. So I’m just curious about who feels they’ve settled in a relationship and who actually feels they are with their soul mate?

Honestly, I don't know and then it makes me feel a bit sad when I read how confidently other people can state soul mates (even if they don't quite agree with the term which I get). My DH is a good man; good morals, good dad, wants to do well by the kids and cares a lot, about their wellbeing, works hard, at least 50% housework with no complaint. We share a sense of humour but I don't think we fully get each other tbh. I'm very emotional, an overthinker, love to talk about things at length and he's introverted, unemotional and I think he finds me a bit much sometimes. He has a lot higher sex drive than me and I often think he's disappointed by me in that respect. I think his idea of connection is one dimensional and shallow.
I am a child of divorced parents and am so so resolutely determined not to have the same for my children that I feel I would accept the "settling" elements as he is not a bad man. I think we could be together long term and it will be fine, ups and downs of life and all, but I wonder if we would have been happier with other people more suited to us if we had made other choices.

It completely depends when you ask me tbh. Just after he brings me tea in bed (soulmate) or when the kitchen needs tidying (settled, for now, but it is definitely under review).

Seriously, soulmates are bollocks. Relationships need to be worked at and the best ones are a product of shared experience and care.

Yes, shared experience

We started as a summer fling

Much better to start with low expectations

I think the idea about “the one” is bollocks

But you can be a good match and work on the relationship and then you become soulmates

What an interesting thread.

I am really very happy after nearly 25 years with my dh, but I would not see us as soulmates, I'm not even sure why.

Settled. I'm not in love with my husband. No butterflies, don't think there ever has been. I was bullied alot when younger and made to feel ugly. He was the first person to show an interest so I went along with it. I'm 38 now with 3 kids and the thought that I have to put up with this is depressing

Shared experience is so important in a long relationship. DH and I have been together for 25 years, we have grown and built a life together. If he or I dropped dead tomorrow then if we met someone else the relationship, however good, would not be the same because there would be no children, no travelling round the world establishing our careers. He is not my 'soul mate', we constantly challenge each other and our differences are important in our relationship.

I do believe I am with mine. We are both very very very similar and where we do differ we balance each other out. For example we both love history but my interest are more medieval or older where as he prefers modern history so we share our ideas and are learning all the time same on bigger subjects such as politics or the way the world is. We complement each other

Soulmate. I had settled with my kids Dad until I met him. Didnt cheat on the ex with him but when my marriage came to an end I saw him pretty soon after and been with him 14 years this time.

Soul mate but wish we could go back to less complicated times before kids and drudge.

I am 100% with my soulmate. We love and respect each other, try to always be kind and thoughtful. We also have a good laugh together and know how to get the best from one another. I realise this is very lucky.

I don't believe in soulmates but I've defo settled. Lockdown is forcing all the issues to the fore now and I just keep thinking but what I'm missing out on if I was with someone better suited.

I have settled for my husband. But I also believe he is a 'soul mate'. I don't just consider romantic relationships to be 'soul mates' though. I have a small group of friends who we all consider to be each others 'soul mates' in a way, we just get each other.

You could go on searching and searching for the next best thing forever so at some point you do 'settle'. There could be 1000's of people out there who could potentially be a soul mate to you. But realistically you cant date everyone of them.

I love my DH intensely. He is the only person with whom I feel I can truly be me.

I occasionally have nightmares where I didn’t choose him and they are awful.

I definitely haven't settled. My DH is the most incredible man I have ever met. I honestly cannot believe how lucky I am to be married to him. He is perfect for me and absolutely my soul mate. I look at him and can't get over how gorgeous he is, inside and outside !

It took 40 odd years to find him tho

I settled. I’d had a run of really volatile dramatic relationships and I settled for an uncomplicated guy who was nice to me. He was and still is very much my intellectual inferior (and I know how awful that makes me sound), we don’t share the same humour, don’t have any similar interests, he’s never been interested in romance. These days, after 16 years being together and 11 years of marriage we’re not even nice to each other. I stay with him because we now have a little boy and I am determined that he will not end up being carted back and forth and used for bargaining between divorced parents like I was.

Settled!

@GrizzlebumsMum having a very similar childhood to you I understand what you mean and wanting to protect your child. Just make sure your son knows that not all relationships are like that and that he should not settle once he finanlly marries

Somewhere in the middle I think. I definitely haven't settled. We're happy. I feel lucky. We are best friends. We have a good sex life. we don't argue. When I met him there was never any angst, we just enjoyed each other right from the off. I often think that if anything happened to him I wouldn't want to be with anyone else and yet, I've never had an intense you are my soulmate sort of feeling. Maybe I'm just not a person who would have that sort of feeling.

He's my lobster. We're exact opposite when it comes to personalities, I'm very high strung and he's laid back, but out interests are the same..... Lying on the sofa watching movies and eating popcorn. Neither of us like to socialise but when we have a rare night out we're the life and soul of the party. We got together when I was in my teens (there was a lot of drama in the early years I won't lie) but I feel lucky that has we have matured we've grown together instead of apart.

Even after 13 years together my heart flutters when I see him walking towards me and he's still the most gorgeous man I ever laid eyes on.

@Spamellahamella sounds very much like me and fiancé and I consider him mine. The fact that you said you would not want to pursue another relationship after him indicates that you probably are. To me what you describe is a soul mate rather then that overly passionate and in my eye volatile unhealthy obsession that are depicted as 'romantic' in movies or books.