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Original poster

To ask how many feel they’ve “settled” and who feels there’re with their “soul mate”

195 replies

butterflytree7 · 07/05/2020 15:27

I think I may have settled. So I’m just curious about who feels they’ve settled in a relationship and who actually feels they are with their soul mate?

OP posts:
Original poster
butterflytree7 · 08/05/2020 13:23

@ravenmum Such an interesting listen. Thank you for the link :)

If this was the 1950’s then I would be in the perfect partnership. But this isn’t the 1950’s and I’m a very emotional person (In the sense that I’m emotionally intelligent or so I like to think rather than emotionally needy) and someone meeting my emotional needs is more important to me than meeting my practical needs. I’ve always been very independent so I feel I can meet those needs myself and I did so alone before I fell pregnant with our DS (who is 1). I don’t think I’m asking for much, I’m not looking for someone to complete me, just someone that compliments me on a deeper level.

I’ve read countless threads on here from women who feel trapped and can’t leave because of financial reasons and I don’t want to end up like that. He wants to get married, but I know I would be doing it for the wrong reasons because he would provide financial security, a beautiful life (on the outside) and because he treats me well but not because I’m deeply in love with him.

I feel bit by bit I’m loosing more of myself staying in this relationship. My heart sinks when I hear his keys in the door or when I hear him coming up to bed. Leaving is harder because of DS #1 and #2 because he treats me so well.

OP posts:
Hedgehog44 · 08/05/2020 13:30

Definitely soul mate but second time around and this time I knew exactly what I wanted.

terrigrey · 08/05/2020 13:41

I don't really believe in one 'soul at' but I definitely settled Sad

ravenmum · 08/05/2020 13:42

Have you felt like this long, OP? How does he feel; if you say you want to break up, do you think he'll be shocked?

SheepSocks · 08/05/2020 13:46

I absolutely do not believe in soul mates. I believe that you can love someone and put time and effort into a relationship and reel the rewards.

I love my husband a lot, he is not just by husband but one of my best friends. I annoy him, he annoys me but we work on things together because we want to be together.

Many of my friends are astonished by my views. I stand by them.

ravenmum · 08/05/2020 14:01

@SheepSocks A couple of years into my relationship with my exh, I said that I thought we should break up, after some petty argument or another. He said that relationships took effort, and we should work on it. I was impressed by this, partly as I thought maybe that's what his parents had done - mine had divorced early on. Maybe his way was the right way, I thought. But tbh, looking back I wish I hadn't let him persuade me. Relationships do take time and effort, but a belief that your partner is really special - especially suitable for you - really does help, too.

SheepSocks · 08/05/2020 14:05

@ravenmum I feel I should mention that he is special for me, he understands the sense of humour that I share with my parents. Most people would have run for the hills, but he just joins in!

ravenmum · 08/05/2020 14:10

I was guessing as much, SheepSocks :)
I just think I placed to much emphasis on not believing in soulmates - went too far down the line of "you have to work on it". I still don't believe in The One, but now I do believe in Not Any Old One :)

WeAllHaveWings · 08/05/2020 14:13

All this talk of soul mates, wanting deeper connections and someone who compliments me on a deeper level is just a twee way of saying you are not happy in your relationship and you are wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere.

Either work on it, everyone makes compromises in their relationships even those who profess to having a soul mate, or leave and try and find someone better.

amy85 · 08/05/2020 14:15

I settled it was miserable wasted nearly ten years of my life....been single three and a half years now and been much happy

AnnofPeeves · 08/05/2020 14:21

I think the whole 'soulmate' idea is absolute nonsense. There are plenty of people in this world we could each be very happy with.

I'm with a man who makes me very happy, I love dearly, is supportive, kind, funny and I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

He might change, I might change, I'm a realist. I don't think so, but you never know. I definitely didn't settle though.

Rebelwithallthecause · 08/05/2020 14:22

I feel that first time married was settling.

Now I’m with my soul mate although I prefer twin flame as soul mates can just be friends

taraRoo · 08/05/2020 14:22

Everyone settles a bit! I'm sorry but soulmates are total garbage. You find someone and ultimately you make a decision that your life is way better with them than without. You also decide not to find out if anyone else rings your bell.

Bumpsadaisie · 08/05/2020 14:26

Mine is a soul mate.

He's my best friend.

Not plain sailing though. Often quite difficult!

Bumpsadaisie · 08/05/2020 14:27

I mean soulmate in the sens that we have grown up together so it does feel like we fit. How could it not, really?

Reginabambina · 08/05/2020 14:28

I think DH is my soul mate. I’ve never met anyone more like me. Very early on after meeting him I felt an overwhelming sense of peace like I’d found the thing that I didn’t know was troubling me in it’s absence all my life.

I could without a doubt married someone richer/younger/more ostensibly ‘successful’. I might have found someone better looking (although there aren’t that many men better looking that DH) or smarter (even fewer). DH could say the same form me. But I doubt anyone exists that would suit me better.

Mummadeeze · 08/05/2020 14:38

I have been thinking hard about this. I definitely didn’t and wouldn’t settle, but because I had low self esteem when I was younger due to my upbringing, I only chose partners who were extremely unsuitable or challenging. I am not with my soul mate, but I was very sexually attracted to him when we got together. I would prefer to be with someone less complicated who I could get along with easier but I am not sure even now whether my psyche would allow that. I have always rejected anyone nice and I have a horrible feeling I always will.

Alleycat1 · 08/05/2020 17:54

The man I am with is the best suited to me of anyone I have ever met. Despite this he is not the one I loved most but he will never know that.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 08/05/2020 18:00

Soulmate. (Yes, I accept that there are probably other people out there who I could have been very happy with, but the one I am with is the only one I have ever met.)

CountFosco · 08/05/2020 18:22

Don't believe in soul mates. But I have never met another man who I would have had children with. He isn't perfect but neither am I and we have a good life together.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 08/05/2020 18:23

Neither Smile

B1rdF33d3r · 08/05/2020 18:58

I've never settled, why would you ?

Better to be single, than unhappy

However, many other cultures have arranged marriages.

It depends on what country you live in

It depends what lifestyle you want

Fimofriend · 08/05/2020 22:17

Soul mate. We have been together more than 26 years.

214 · 08/05/2020 22:21

@DateandTime I agree, I don't like drama in my own life and having seen the fall out from many messy break-ups all around, I knew that wasn't for me. This does not stop me wondering sometimes, and having some fairly intense infatuations safe in the knowledge that they will never be acted upon.

FortunesFave · 08/05/2020 22:26

When I first met DH, he walked into the theatre I was working in...I felt immediately that I already knew him and the thought in my head was "Ah! Here he is!"

Which is weird because I'd never seen him before....had no idea who he was.

It was as thought I knew immediately that he was meant to be with me.

Lucky it worked out or I might have been a bit disappointed!

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