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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how many feel they’ve “settled” and who feels there’re with their “soul mate”

195 replies

butterflytree7 · 07/05/2020 15:27

I think I may have settled. So I’m just curious about who feels they’ve settled in a relationship and who actually feels they are with their soul mate?

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 07/05/2020 20:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

gingganggooleywotsit · 07/05/2020 20:22

I think you need to have a shit relationship first before you find your true soul mate. If you don't have a bad one first you have nothing to compare it to, and may not appreciate the good one. If that makes sense! Smile

Zzz1234 · 07/05/2020 20:23

I don’t know, my dh is totally different to me or any or the guys I dated before. I knew from the moment I might him he was the one. No fast cars, no drugs, no wild parties. He grounded me and got me to calm down. I think we are soulmates.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 07/05/2020 20:29

Settled here, in some ways because there was unlikely to ever be anyone else. We were a very good match and very compatible for the first few years, but then it turned out that life got in the way and he isn't entirely honest or committed to me. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It is what it is, and we have a child which is why I stay and we do get along most of the time at least, but the spark and fun has long gone.

quietheart · 07/05/2020 20:32

What is a soulmate? Then I can decide whether I’ve a soulmate or settled.

flyingspaghettimonster · 07/05/2020 20:35

I don't believe in soulmates. But I knew I wanted to marry my husband and have his children from the first week of knowing him. 21 years on and he is still my best friend. Not all roses and romance. But I don't think that stuff lasts forever anyway. We are happy enough and I have no regrets.

Crystal87 · 07/05/2020 20:46

I was with someone out of habit that I didn't want to be with for a few years. I was never fully happy or satisfied within the relationship but found it hard to leave and after a while you get an attachment that is hard to break. After I ended it I met my DH and everything is so much better. I now know what a good relationship should be like and I feel so lucky to have it after the ones I had in the past. Not that I don't deserve this relationship, but I've realised that this was hard to find.

lovinglavidaloca · 07/05/2020 20:49

100000% settled. Absolutely.

CherryPavlova · 07/05/2020 20:55

Definitely soulmate. We knew within hours of meeting each other but allowed ourselves time to grow up and decide who we were before marrying.
Definitely loving and cherishing, until death decides to part us.

NataliaOsipova · 07/05/2020 21:00

Another one who totally rejects the notion of soulmates. But I do struggle to believe that I could meet another man who’d match up to my DH.

Devlesko · 07/05/2020 21:00

My soulmate, even when it almost came to us splitting up years ago.
We can't be without each other, permanently.
Settled? No, my idea of settling would be the polar opposite to him.
Been together over 30 years, now.

Noconceptofnormal · 07/05/2020 21:28

I thought I had met my soul mate and married him, we were very much in love. But then subsequently a lot of shit has happened, he's let me down and I've let him down, we've both changed in opposing directions.

So now I don't believe in soulmates, I believe that I'm with my husband at the moment because we both choose to be but it may not always be the case, there's not some cosmic obligation tieing us to each other.

But I do have to admit that I am jealous of those who say they're still with their soul mate several decades later, I thought I was going to have that too.

Zenithbear · 07/05/2020 21:31

I didn't believe in soul mates until I met dp. Now I do.

MrsTumbletap · 07/05/2020 21:31

Don't believe in soulmates, what even is that? Someone destined to be with you? Something written in the stars? Nonsense.

I also feel some people are with perfectly fine partners but don't work at it and bail too quickly.

I love DH and he loves me, sometimes he pisses me off royally, and I do him. But he is a good person, he is kind and he makes me laugh. So somewhere between soulmates and settled.

Just normal, not make believe, not fake movie love. We are companions, parents, partners that's it.

panicstationsready · 07/05/2020 21:34

Settled the first time around and although he was a perfectly nice guy he wasn't 'Mr Right' but was certainly 'Mr Right now'. Lasted 9 years, then met my DH who is perfect for me (he’s got plenty of faults, but I can live with them). Married 25 years.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/05/2020 21:35

My DH was my soulmate. Being with him felt like coming home, he was my best friend, and we could talk about anything and even if we disagreed, it didn't alter our relationship. We had a really strong bond, trusted each other completely, and shared values. I doubt I will ever find that again, so have no intention of dating again. It would feel like being unfaithful.

corythatwas · 07/05/2020 22:05

Hardly a question of "settling" as I was 19 when I decided this was the man for me. Been together nearly 40 years, he definitely was the man for me. If I hadn't met him I think I could have seen myself staying single and focusing on my career. Had long enough to think about it as we weren't actually able to move in together for the first 10 years.

peachgreen · 07/05/2020 22:08

Soulmate. I settled for 10 years before him. Knew instantly when I met now DH that was the one. It was like "oh, THERE you are, thank God for that" and has felt 100% right ever since. Thankfully he had the same experience!

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 07/05/2020 22:09

I don’t believe in soul mates but I am with a kind, lovely, handsome man who I choose every day.

PonderTweek · 07/05/2020 22:27

Totally married my soulmate and best friend. I didn't even believe in relationships when we met, but very early on I started to feel "complete" when I was with him, and still do, 12 years on. I love him to bits and I know that he adores me too and I feel very lucky. I don't have many close people in this world but I am glad I have one really close one. Grin

ChasingRainbows19 · 07/05/2020 22:28

Don't really believe in soul mates but I met my partner at the right time. When I read about bad relationships on here. I thank my lucky stars for him. Didn't settle

Actionhasmagic · 07/05/2020 22:28

Soulmate for sure but I know a few of my friends settled and are deeply unhappy

Dowser · 07/05/2020 22:32

Soul mate here

Nixee2231 · 07/05/2020 22:49

I absolutely feel I've married my soul mate and best friend but that doesn't mean every day is rainbows and butterflies. We had very difficult times just like most couples who have been together a long time but we both put in a ton of work to learn and grow from it instead of giving up. Now we are closer than ever but it is the result of years of learning to communicate and work better as a couple.

I suspect a lot of people (in my life) who feel like they have "settled" were actually genuinenly in love but stopped trying when things got difficult. I'm not saying that is what the OP or anyone else in this post will have done! Every marriage is different, especially behind closed doors.

Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2020 22:53

I don’t believe in soulmates but I definitely didn’t settle and feel like we’re a near perfect match. We’ve been together for 15 years.