To desperately want one more child that I can’t afford?

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I posted recently about our financial situation. Sorry, I’m not sure how to link the other thread.

I have two lovely DC which I am so grateful for. They are 6 and almost 4. I am 31.

Just to summarise, we have £1,500 credit card debt. A £15,000 loan which was mainly to purchase a car (we need 7 seats for reasons which are pretty outing). We have £1,400 in savings (some in a help to buy ISA, the rest in an instant access savings account).
I have just completed my studies and was hoping to find a job soon which is now unlikely. We don’t own our own home.

The thing is, I so desperately want to have another child. I know there are many people who could only dream of having 2 children so I do feel very selfish for feeling this way. I just know I have that love to give to another child, and a happy home which I wasn’t fortunate enough to have myself growing up.

I know I probably am BU, but has anyone else felt this way/been in this position?

Get your career underway and then if you still want another DC in a few years time you will get maternity leave and benefits. You are still young. I'd look to pay off the credit card debt with your savings, your savings will only be making a few percent (at best) in interest but the CC debt rolls up at around 26% per year. Why get a loan for such an expensive 7 seater ? buy a cheaper second hand one, lots at around 8k that have plenty of years in them and will be reliable.

Having a 3rd child is your decision, no one else's.

Doesn't her husband/partner get a say?

I only had one child because that was all I could afford. Sorry, but having three children sounds like a very silly idea in your circumstances.

Get a job, go back to work, repay debts, become financially stable and then see how you feel. You have plenty of time. That is what I did. Hence there is an 8 year gap between second and third child, eldest is ten years older than youngest. I desparatly wanted. A third child. Dh was happy with two or three. I went back to work, saved up hard, paid off credit cards, got a nest egg and then had much wanted third child. All DC grown up now but I have never regretted my decision. I got broody again and decided to become a foster parent. I love it and have fantastic forth child to bring up. I just love taking child to lots of weekday and weekend activities and seeing them progress from being withdrawn and troubled into confident and outgoing. Now thinking of fostering second dc.

Didn't you post this a few days ago? 15k on a car is madness. You could clear your debts, wait a few years then have another

You are young so why not wait 1-2 years when you have your job and then hopefully you will be in a much better place financially.

I’m 22 and we have a 1 year old (not planned). I would really like another child as I want my son to grow up with a sibling. Nevertheless, I don’t want my son to miss out on a family home and financial stability (which we’re working towards). I’ve had to accept that we can’t afford 2 children and we will have to wait quite a long time before we have another.
You could wait until you’re in a better financial position, you’re 31 so you have some time yet. Maybe set a 5 year plan to work towards being in a position for another baby. I have a checklist of things that need to be completed before we have another one. If you were 40 then my advice would be different, but I still think that existing children should always be a priority.

Put your emotions on hold and engage brain.

Pay off your debts first. £15k for a car? Seriously? That's a huge amount of money!

You're only 31. You have plenty of time.

Yours are only little and cute. Just think about them as teens. Their needs are greater. You need bigger everything. They eat like horses, their shoes are massive and expensive. If you wish for them to do an activity like karate o piano forget it as it will be too expensive.
To go on holiday will be so much harder.
Think about their needs and concentrate on getting a deposit for a home. Security for all of you should be paramount.

If we waited until we could afford them, nobody would have children.
besides, you never know what's round the corner. You could afford it now, be rolling in money, have a baby and disaster fall like losing your job.

YABU if you have another child you can’t afford. You need to think about your exsiting children.

Yes. This myth that no one can really afford to have children is just nonsense. Loads of people wait until they are financially comfortable before they have children.

So only people with highly paid jobs can have children then. Most people don’t have highly paid jobs so what are they supposed to do?

Why on earth do you have money in an instant access account whilst you have credit card debt? You need to learn how to manage finances and debt as a priority because you are flushing money away at the moment - money that might then allow you to consider another child in future as you have plenty of time on your side. There is absolutely no point in having savings if you have money on a credit card costing you a fortune. You don't need "savings for emergencies" if you have a credit card - because that is when you should use the credit card, when there is no other option!

I felt like this. I stuck with the two and now they are teenagers I'm so glad I did.

You can afford another child you just have to make sacrifices. Eat cheaper cuts of meat etc.

And it makes me laugh when people on low incomes with two children act all holier than thou and say they can’t afford to have a third. But yet they claim child benefit and tax credits for their existing two. Surely if that’s the case they couldn’t afford the first two?

Why do you need the people carrier?

I wanted a second but I grew up poor. It was rubbish. I gave my son the opportunities I struggled to have. It was the best decision for me.

Yabu. I would have loved three (still would a decade on despite being a LP and menopausal) but finances, health and common sense made me stop at two.

@ZaraW I understand this, I want an only too so i can pay full childcare, live in an expensive london neighbourhood and possibly send to private school. But maybe this isn't OP's priorities. maybe she doesn't need al this.

two is enough for any family

WTF?

It is ok to want more children, but you shouldn't right now.
Focus on enjoying what you got and resolve your financial issues. If you want to expand your family that much, I am sure you will do whatever sacrifices you need to make to improve your financial issues.

On another angle, we have a climate crisis going on, resources will reduce in their life time, future is uncertain.

@funinthesun19 yes its utterly ridiculous. if you have a low income and want a second child, MN would jump up and suggest ways to afford a second child, as a sibling for the first, like the second child is some sort of teddy bear for the first. But if you want a third, people are all, 2 is enough. First baby already has playmate, vagina please close shop?! makes no sense to me.

If you can't afford a 3rd what is the plan for who is going to feed and clothe it?

Desiringonlychild my son didn't go to private school it's not something I would have considered but I was able to put him through university.