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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like the only woman left who doesn't shave her pubes? 😂

542 replies

phoebemakesnoise · 05/05/2020 13:47

During a group WhatsApp with friends last night, conversation (somehow!) turned to pubes. It would seem I am the only one who doesn't shave the whole lot off. I've done it a couple of times in the past but it itched when growing back and I actually feel sexier with a bit of a muff! Does anyone else not shave these days or am I a vile ogre?

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 06/05/2020 10:06

I'm in my mid 50s, not in a relationship and not had sex for 3 or 4 years. Of course I don't shave my pubes. I occasionally shave my armpits but I'm not very hairy. I have shaved it in the past - it felt quite clean - but it's a maintenance issue I don't need. Post menopause I don't have periods and don't get that sweaty or hairy. And I'm not being judged naked by anyone. So why on earth would I bother.

I understand the question about why we regard some natural things like body hair as ugly and question the pressures on women to look a certain way and whether porn has influenced that (most certainly - but it is now an established fashion like shaving off eyebrows in the 1920s). I also know that young men are all going hairless too on chests and pubes so recognise the pressures are not all one way.

I am a feminist and proud of it. But that is not an excuse to beat up on other women and their choices. For me it means freedom of choice and I'd rather rail against the societal commodification of looks and appearance than pick on women who choose to shave.

sunflowery · 06/05/2020 10:07

All off for me (I’m 27). Occasionally I think oh I’ll just let it grow but it always starts to bother me so I shave it off again. I prefer it, it makes me feel cleaner and more comfortable. I don’t look childlike - my big bum, big hips and tits see to that.

Just told DH that according to MN he must be very indecent not to insist I grow a bush. He just chuckled and said ‘MN is full of shite, it’s your vag!’

It’s ironic that so many posters on here waffle on about how society and porn make women feel bad about their bodies yet think it’s ok to come on here and make such savage comments.

Mikki2019 · 06/05/2020 10:08

Never shave

Always have a Hollywood wax

DIY currently Grin

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 06/05/2020 10:09

most certainly - but it is now an established fashion like shaving off eyebrows in the 1920s)
Whaaat😱 I had no idea!

GladAllOver · 06/05/2020 10:09

I shaved once in my teens. Hated the bare look and the scratching when it grew back. Now I only trim ends that might creep out of a costume.
Partners have never complained.

Mistymonday · 06/05/2020 10:10

37, full bush here! I genuinely love it, find it soft, it softens the area, feels cleaner and is to me aesthetically pleasing. Whilst I tried a landing strip in my 20s once or twice, I hated stubble in such a sensitive area and the ingrowing hair and rash was ugly. Not a fan and yes, it made me think of myself aged 11, which felt a bit weird tbh. I trim or pluck the hairs that stick out the swimsuit but currently trying the Lumea as I do get a few ingrowing hairs doing that (less so with plucking).

I can’t bear men with shaven or no pubes, it would really put me off a guy! I would feel that he is vain and his genitals resemble a Deli counter! I also like hairy chests though. Clean, soft, well tended pubes are a delight.

cologne4711 · 06/05/2020 10:15

I do my bikini line because of swimming but since the pools were closed I haven't been bothering at all.

tentative3 · 06/05/2020 10:39

@NoMorePoliticsPlease that is quite an alarming conclusion. Really, you think 'the only possible explanation is to look pre pubescent'? What about people who prefer oral without pubes? Or being touched other than oral? What if people find it a turn on to be able to see everything clearly? I don't have any problem with a full bush, to be clear, but I'll say again that those of you whose first thought when seeing someone who is bare is to think of kids are the weird ones.

Lockheart · 06/05/2020 11:25

It also betrays deep internalised misogyny when people start saying female genitalia without hair are disgusting and look like "a coin slot on an ironing board", "the last turkey on the shelf" etc.

People have been removing or not removing hair for millennia. It's not a recent issue attributable entirely to certain fads in some lines of modern porn, although that no doubt has an influence.

MarieQueenofScots · 06/05/2020 13:13

It’s funny, those patting themselves on the back over their “decent DH”

If I had a bloke whose first thought on seeing an adult woman with no pubic hair was “childlike” I would be taking a long look into his browsing history, because that’s not a normal train of thought and suggests some rather unsavoury personality traits.

sunflowery · 06/05/2020 14:07

Agree with @MarieQueenOfScots. I’d be quite creeped out by a DH like that!

Godzillasonice · 06/05/2020 14:11

I used to but I've been single for 3 years and wear a swimming costume with built in shorts for swimming so now I have a bit of a forest going on. I'm planning on staying single for good so guess it's going to stay.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 06/05/2020 14:15

I don't fully understand this single/in relationship not shaved/shaved. Do what makes you happy and what works for you🤷🏻 Don't do something just because you are taken/single.
It's your crotch.
It's your choice.
Take back control!

Mary46 · 06/05/2020 14:22

Feel much cleaner after waxing. Diy job now as salons closed. Notice swimwear is cut high now so just feel more conscious. My hair v dark though

The80sweregreat · 06/05/2020 14:55

I hate wearing swimming costumes at the best of times but worrying about bikini lines makes it even worse. I envy the high leg / bikini wearing women with smooth skin and no worries about the odd pube peeking out.
I'm too much of a wuss to get a wax and my own attempts are a bit pitiful! I am really hairy and it's dark too. I'm sure some women have much less hair than me but Ive never asked them! My leg hair grows like grass too! :(

Leflic · 06/05/2020 15:26

I do think we are going backwards in objectifying women. In the 80’s you’d trim of the sides of pubes , short but massive hair on your head and going topless was sophisticated ( French, you know) not sexual.

Now we are back to barefoot and pregnant long haired and porn star hairless below. Topless is uncool but wearing bikini bottoms coyly showing masses of arse ( without the nerve of being a g string) is in fashion.And preferably loads of make up at all times.

WeveGottaGetTherouxThis · 06/05/2020 15:33

I normally get a Hollywood wax; impressed by those of you doing a DIY job during lockdown. I once tried to wax myself and ended up bruising my poor nether regions as a consequence. Never again!

Currently trimming with scissors, but it’s no comparison. Unfortunately I have very dark hair, so whilst I’m not overly hairy, it is very obvious against my pale skin.

I shaved a couple of times in my younger years, but the unsightly & painful regrowth (combined with how quickly it returned post-shave) mean that is definitely not an option I’d consider now.

Mary46 · 06/05/2020 15:48

The Veet left me quite blotchy. Just as well I am covered up lol.

stackthecats · 06/05/2020 16:24

I think the people complaining that they shave and don't look like children because they have big breasts and so on are missing the point. The whole shaved aesthetic comes precisely from a porn aesthetic where women's bodies look as close to those of very very young women as possible down below, except with giant (normally fake) breasts on top (or surgically enhanced behinds).

When men talk about attractive "pussies" (ugh) in porn etc. you KNOW they don't mean the vulva of an adult woman, with some large red or dark purple frilly or wrinkly labia minora protruding, and the usual normal range of bumpy skin, episiotomy or tearing scars, crinkles, micropapules and skin tags that adult women's genitals actually have, especially post-childbirth Grin They mean pale and neat with neat small labia minora that are just a bit pink and smooth skin with a neat clitoral hood. And the time that most women's genitals look like that is only when they are young or very young women.

That's why when someone says, oh I don't care what others do but I just find shaving is "cleaner, neater and fresher", the whole point is that that comes exactly from the porn aesthetic that that's what women's bodies should be - clean and neat and not at all looking or smelling like actual adult genitalia. In general, it's only the vulvas of very young women or pre-pubescent children that could be said to be "clean and neat". That's exactly the internalising of that specific aesthetic about young women's bodies that people here are objecting to. (God knows nature doesn't intend any adults' genitals generally to be "clean, neat and fresh", just like bumholes don't come naturally bleached.)

I've got quite a "neat" vulva at the front , but one of the reasons I found the shaved aesthetic weird was that at work we have a full length mirror opposite the ladies' loo, and I did find it very odd to get a flash of my labia minora every time I was just minding my business wiping my bum. It's definitely not a good look post-baby, I have to say. That's probably why it's fashionable for young women, not just because the over-40s grew up without it.

Just because I'm feeling a bit punchy today Grin, as an (admittedly former) lesbian I have to say, the "oral sex feels better shaved" thing is also quite funny! Ladies, if he's licking the bit where the hair should be, you gotta give him better directions. Grin

TheGoogleMum · 06/05/2020 16:26

I am just too lazy and DH doesn't mind too much. I know he prefers it shaved if it was up to him so I do it occasionally as a treat :p

MarieQueenofScots · 06/05/2020 16:27

I think the people complaining that they shave and don't look like children because they have big breasts and so on are missing the point

I’m not missing the point. I have NO CHOICE. So to say that “decent men” should not be wanting to have sex with me is frankly insulting, and again I suspect deflecting from PP’s concerns about the proclivities of their own partners.

Peapod29 · 06/05/2020 16:43

Stackthecats I agree with everything you say. The current trend that vulvas must be ‘neat and tidy’ is undoubtably down to porn. I even know a woman a little younger than me who had surgery to lop her labia off as she was so self conscious about it.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 06/05/2020 16:59

Better to be influenced by porn into neat and tidy crotch than by Britney into that nickers over jeans thing fashion😂
The former, no issue. The latter, I am bit ashamed off.

silentpool · 06/05/2020 17:42

I got an Ocado delivery Grin

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 06/05/2020 17:44

I got an Ocado delivery grin

anything tasty?

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