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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours hate my autistic child

438 replies

Screechywah · 04/05/2020 17:58

I have a seven year old severely autistic child with sensory issues and severe developmental delays, he is non verbal and functions on an 18 month old level. Special school is closed as is his respite, sen groups, activities, parks etc.

He's really struggling to cope now after seven weeks at home. He's shouting lots, self harming (head banging), kicking, hitting and struggling to sleep. I take him out in the car regularly for a drive and we go for a couple of walks every day but even on these walks now, he's having meltdowns because the park is shut. He's physically strong and I now struggle to keep him from running when he reaches crisis point.

The one thing he loves is being outdoors but my neighbours on one side are moaning about his loud shouting the last week, bouncing on the trampoline and throwing balls over their fence. They refuse to throw any sensory balls back over and instead pop them which is frustrating as they cost so much. I've offered to raise the height of the boundary (their fence which is only five foot) and they refuse. Today he threw part of his toast over the fence and they went ballistic at me. I was with him m when he did it but he's just so fast that I had no opportunity to prevent him.

I'm really not sure what to do. I watch him constantly but obviously have to go to the loo, answer the door/phone, cook and he unfortunately doesn't grasp the concept of not throwing. I'm on my own with him and his special school are only taking key worker children due to staffing.

OP posts:
jackdawdawn · 08/05/2020 23:34

The neighbours have adult sons who seem to look out for them so I'm assuming they are not young people themselves.

Paintedmaypole · 09/05/2020 00:16

OP, I feel for you and think your neighbours are nasty and lack empathy. I wonder whether your local council has any form of mediation scheme. They are refusing any practical suggestions that could improve the situation. jackdawdawn I object to your generalisation about the elderly needing to be more forebearing. I am older and shielding at present. I would feel very sorry for OP if I was her neighbour and saw her struggling, so would many older people. I am surprised how much sympathy the neighbours have got on this thread. They are awkward twats but OP needs to be polite and business like about it. Unless they are 85+ or very frail they are unreasonable to send their sons round too.

Bluesrunthegame · 09/05/2020 00:34

I wanted to vote that you are not being unreasonable, you sound lovely and are doing a sterling job in a tough situation.

However, I pressed the wrong button. So count one vote against you as actually on your side.

ASD123ASD · 24/05/2022 23:01

Simply put Fuck them. And next time they pop your hart beats stuff call the cops.

Coffeepot72 · 25/05/2022 17:58

Drinking and posting don’t go well together …

bellabasset · 25/05/2022 18:24

This thread is 2 years old. Hopefully OP has had more support for her dc

Diverseopinions · 25/05/2022 19:19

I had this. I think the noise - they have to put up with. Over the fence is a tricky one. There is a danger that something big or heavy could go over, but I'm not saying I think you can reliably stop the behaviour. I wasn't able to with my son.

In the end, I found myself going to the park instead. The garden swing did keep my son occupied and he would tend to go straight to it and enjoy it very much, but when he stopped, I would be worried about the risk of a sudden throw.

I told my neighbours that keeping his balls is theft. I think I would ask a community police officer to speak with the neighbours and get straight the pyramid of priorities and what you should be avoiding, at all costs, and what is them being intolerant.

I have friends whom the council rehoused to a detached residence because noise and the neighbours reaction to it were problematic. I would like to think that Children's Services could offer some advice and help, relevant to whichever are your circumstances.

Coffeepot72 · 25/05/2022 19:38

I remember this from 2 years ago, I felt dreadfully sorry for the OP, and equally sorry for the neighbours

minutesturntohours · 25/05/2022 19:42

OMG who would pop a sensory ball!!

minutesturntohours · 25/05/2022 19:42

Oh whoops! got zombied!

samphiregarlic · 25/05/2022 20:11

You are NOT being unreasonable.
Only people who have personal experience of a loved one with SEN should be able to vote on this one. Sending you LOVE and STRENGTH.

Kris02 · 25/05/2022 20:24

lemonsandlimes123 · 04/05/2020 18:10

You will get lots of comments saying ignore them, fuck them etc etc. However it must be horrific for your neighbours to have to listen to. It is of course not patch on what you are having to deal with but he is your son and you love him, they don't have that love to mitigate the annoyance.
It may be worth dropping them a note that the sensory toys are likely to make things better if they throw them back over.

By letting him go in the garden you are making things better for you and worse for them, unsurprisingly they don't like it.

This is a very good post. I agree. The absolute worst thing you can do is become aggressive and confrontational. I don’t mean you should let people bully you. But aggression will just turn the whole lot of them against you, and that’s a miserable situation for you to be in.

You have to remember that most people live hard, stressful lives. Their home, and especially their garden, is a sanctuary. It’s where they recover from the noisy, chaotic world out there. To then have shouting and screaming next door tips people over the edge. Modern Britain is so crowded and stressful that our nerves are shredded by the end of the week. (Noisy neighbours are my worst nightmare. I can’t even bear the noisy cars that race up and down my road.)

I don’t mean to sound callous. I have nothing but respect for you. Raising an autistic child is incredibly hard, and you clearly do your best.

If you conduct yourself in a dignified way, and they can see that you love your child, you might be surprised. Even people who seem horrible often have a good heart. Don’t be too apologetic, but do try and explain - and do so in a calm and sensible way. Gradually, you’ll win them over.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 25/05/2022 21:10

I'm so sorry that this was allowed. When we look back I feel history will judge us harshly.

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