What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

[Pika09]

What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

(Lighthearted obviously)

1. Never answer the phone if it's a number that you don't recognise or is withheld.

1. Never answer the door if somebody hasn't pre-booked an appointment and definitely not after 7pm, even if it is somebody like the police (see 1.)

1. Under no circumstances must you communicate with your neighbours except by passive aggressive notes about their legal parking.

Anyone got any others?

I've learned about narcissists and that what I thought was a pretty good relationship with my DP is actually quite controlling on his part 😐

1. That my (skinny) 7 year old eats the same amount as MN 3 teenagers

1. That everyone is with their soulmate and has amazing sex (despite this being patently untrue in RL)

1. That fuck loads of people have husbands with a six figure salary and even have one themselves despite having the time to fritter away on MN talking bollocks.

Why shouldn’t you be with a cyclist? I am and met him cycling and very happy - but then I’m also a bit bike obsessed....

My 3:

1. I’m not the only one to have a nightmare (now ex) MIL, and OH ex-wife
2. Most MNers have perfect children
3. That MNers are keeping the wine/gin/vodka industries in huge profits

You must never, ever allow grandparents to provide childcare even when not in a pandemic. Even if they have been begging to do so since you were TTC. You must pay your entire salary for strangers to care for them, and under no circumstances state that this makes paying the mortgage tricky.

Oh forgot the other two.

That everyone can afford to buy a larger house, it’s just a case of giving up takeaways.

People who choose to bottle feed are committing an obscene act of child neglect.

1. Most people are adults and manage their money carefully. It inspired me to grow up and do likewise! Thank you MN.

1. Baby vests have envelope sleeves so you can pull them DOWN if there is a poonami. Revelation!

1. This, too, shall pass.

1. Some people think it's acceptable to call a child Ptolemy. They won't get bullied for that but will if they're called Eleanor as they will be nicknamed Smelly Ellie. Apparently.

2. A mumsnetter can smell me from several miles away, due to me not having showered/ steam cleaned/ sandblasted myself in the last few hours.

3. There is a condition to excuse every type of anti social behaviour. And you should assume that everyone has all of them.

That even long-term friends are entirely dispensable, and as soon as they show any character flaws or fallibility, they should be binned so you can go on and very easily acquire a whole host of new "real" (perfect) ones

1. That a lot of posters are passive aggressive racists/bigots/know-it-alls. Challenging said posters results in you being labelled as having "mental health issues". Sad so sad.

1. Posters who claim they're living in poverty/struggling to get by because they can only afford 4 foreign holidays this year and their cleaning lady now only comes 4 times a week.

1. That some posters are secretly Daily Mail journalists who lurk on threads ready to steal answers because they're too lazy to go do proper journalism.

That if you lose your job it’s always really easy to just go out and get another one.

That you can throw an under-performing man out of your life and he will stay there and won’t cause you any more problems

That AIBU is mainly used on Mumsnet as an opening for a random essay or an open ended question but the person is not literally asking “am I being unreasonable” and so mumsnetters need another phrase or category such as HWIT (“here’s what I think”) or WDYT (“what do you think?”) .

If a person literally asks if they are being unreasonable on mumsnet it is usually because they have been challenged or disagreed with by someone in their life because they are being unreasonable. They usually lack the emotional intelligence to work things out through discussion with DH, MIL, neighbour etc. and it’s sad and annoying that they need random anonymous mumsnetters to agree with them so they can feel like they are in the right rather than working out their issues with the people involved. Sometimes they are straight up narcissists. It’s the second letter “I” in AIBU that makes it all about them rather than the other people in the situation and that attracts the narcissists.

Women have filthy minds.

Men fantasize about sex, women fantasize about getting away with acting like absolute self-centred BEETCHES!...

...But remain obsessed with what other women think of them.

1. Wash your chickens
2. Take shoes off.
3. Do love bombing whatever that is.

Tory voters are scum
Brexit Leavers are thick as pig shit (as I was once described)
Some women have their relationship bar set so low it's resting on the ground and they will stay with any man rather than no man (so sad).
No 'isms' allowed on MN (eg racism, sexism) except for ageism which abounds unchecked. Can't wait for those people to get old, shame I won't be here to see it.

Oops that's four and obviously the first two are totally untrue.

That I'm glad I don't have kids.

If you are a MIL or SIL or DIL or a Step-Mother you are going to Hell.

If you don't already have savings enabling you to LTB you are foolish to not have magically predicted you would someday need it.

That the utter lack of affordable and easily available childcare is holding women back from careers, divorcing or financial freedom.

If I can throw in a 4th, that just because you and DP or DH had many conversations about you being a SAHP, that chores/finances/ time length of not working outside of the home, were discussed and it was absolutely jointly agreed, that decision will come back to haunt you. DP/H will have amnesia.

If you have a hot tub you are without doubt a swinger, with a STI & neighbourhood nuisance.
If you don’t agree with others opinions, your a troll, to be shouted down and all your previous posts be examined.
Every husband is having an affair, and the marriage should end immediately, regardless of evidence.