What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

[Pika09]

What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

(Lighthearted obviously)

1. Never answer the phone if it's a number that you don't recognise or is withheld.

1. Never answer the door if somebody hasn't pre-booked an appointment and definitely not after 7pm, even if it is somebody like the police (see 1.)

1. Under no circumstances must you communicate with your neighbours except by passive aggressive notes about their legal parking.

Anyone got any others?

1. Constantly report anyone and anything to 101.
2. Never take in anyone else's parcels etc
3. That having a baby means that you can be as precious and difficult as you like.

1. That Americans are mostly thick, ignorant barbarians
2. That the US government plays no role in providing health care for over 100 million people
3. That all Americans are alike and have the same views and opinions

You had a glass of wine today? You'll be a derelict wreck reeking of meths in the gutter tomorrow.

Oooh I love this...

1- An invite is not a summons
2- Men are rarely to be trusted
3- The only offence greater than a child abandoned at a birthday party is turning up with non invited siblings.
4- Anyone reliant on, or in receipt of benefits is an irresponsible CF.
5- Anyone not reliant on, or in receipt of benefits is a millionaire with no right to have problems.
6- DP/DH’s sound harder work than the kids but women stay for no noted reason.

1. a huge amount of people live rurally, down a dirt track, miles from other humans. These people often have several small children, cannot drive a car, and are terrified of sudden noises.
2. the police care about your neighbours having a household Bbq and playing ‘loud’ music at 8.45pm, and should always be informed of such activities immediately And 3) you shouldn’t have a child unless you’ve a Large secret savings stash, enough money for private school and a DP you have run an in-depth background check on. Even then, you should WAIT until you’ve been together 20 years, even if this makes you 50 years old.

1. Boys are evil predators. Apparently a little 6 year old boy wants to look at a 50 year old woman in the changing rooms because he’s a predator.

2. Children shouldn’t be allowed to read aloud in their back garden.

3. Stepchildren must always come before your own children.

That asking ”did you mean to be so rude?” with a tilted head and a tinkly laugh after is THE MOST witty and effective response to knobbish behaviour and will instantly reprimand the knob and have them scurrying away with their tail between their legs whilst mentally evaluating their poor behaviour and swearing to never be knobbish again

I think if I were to say that where I live, the response would be ‘yes, now fuck off!’

Oh and waiting till your late 30s to have DC is smart and no you would not have any infertility problems.

Things I learned on MN:

1. Everyone on MN hates me bc I'm American
2. Everyone on MN hates my kid's names
3. I was one of the early ones worried about CV on the CV threads and MN made me feel like an idiot and like I was panicking about nothing

That there are a surprising number of adults who are really childish and demanding about how their birthdays are marked.

THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

That far too many people are fucking neurotic about toilets.

That some people think that if you're at work, you should only ever pee in the toilet and you should only ever do a poo at home, and if you poo at work then it's disgusting and disrespectful. These people think their views are normal, and are too deluded to realise that most people think they're ridiculous.

That there are people who claim to be out of the house for 10-12 hours a day and never once use a loo, not even for a pee. I'm still not sure how many of these people are really telling the truth about that, but there sure are a lot of claims.

That everybody has ducks... But before you leave they must be in a row

That common sense isn't common on here

Everybody except me lives rurally

If you say you haven't read a particular Great Book, heard of an author or heard about a particular historical event, you are deliberately showing off because you think ignorance is cool . If the OP writes a post about one of these things then it's assumed to be universal knowledge. Absolutely everyone has the same taste in literature, and if you don't like the same books as the OP then it means you're proud of being uneducated

If you believe your husband can have a platonic friendship with a female you are both naieve and a 'cool wife' (not a compliment).

That Ham is as carcinogenic as smoking 40 a day

That two tangerines are as terrible a snack for a child as a bucket full of Haribo

That getting married does not provide financial security. That comes from the divorce. But only if there was any money to start (and end) with.

In the event there isn’t and wasn’t any money, then you remain financial insecure, less the cost of a wedding and divorce.

MILs are worth their weight in blame.

Nothing is ever mildly disagreeable, it is VILE.

People RAGE and LOSE THEIR SHIT over the smallest perceived offence.

If you are not NC with at least one member of your family you are a doormat.

Some people will be absolutely FUMING that this post contains more than three.

Lookee lookee, we all know it’s spelled fumming.
See also discusted.
That the education system isn’t doing a great job in terms of literacy.
And that everyone has a hidden SEN and it’s impolite to cringe or call the grammer police.
That all this used to be fields.

People RAGE and LOSE THEIR SHIT over the smallest perceived offence

Unless it's MIL, then you need to go NUCLEAR

That there are a lot of mean spirited, judgmental, raging people around. That women aged between 20 and 50 are always in the right, people in every other demographic category are selfish and narcissistic. The only exception is step mothers/second wives who are evil bitches.

What’s this “counting to 3” joke?!

@JimmyTheWeed (great name!) Read the title of the thread

1. How you position your AIBU is everything.

Scenario 1: I'm a parent struggling with a new born and 25 kids. My parents live next door, are very fit and healthy, babysit for the entire street and family WIBU to ask them to babysit once every 2.5 years
Mumsnet: WHY DID YOU HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU CAN'T LOOK AFTER THEM? YABU

Scenario 2: I'm a parent struggling with a new born and 25 kids. I work FT 36 hours a day, do everything in the house and I'm at the end of my rope
Mumsnet: Oh dear, have you got parents near that could help out? (+ Spa day + possible you shouldn't have kids of you can't look after them)

1. You should never actually want anything, you grabby cow

1. Children are probably entitled, you probably are too

1. Get a job/move house.

1. OP asking for advice on hugely tricky life situation, useless OH left, babies, pregnant etc. 20% of posters will see this as the time to helpfully explain how they would never have gotten in this situation in the first place.

1. Mumsnet hates certain words and phrases. Poster: My side hustle cake business has just been sold for 2 billion but my partner has ....etc

Mumsnet: SIDE HUSTLE!! WTAF. YABU. GET OFF HERE NOW.

1. Amid the noise, posters sticking the boot in, arguments there are funny posters and also wise. So many posts where emotional abuse is explained, boundaries etc etc. Brilliant.

1. That you're not allowed to be on Mumsnet if you're not a mother or TTC.

That if you have somewhere to go there SURELY MUST BE SOMEONE who can babysit, and if not, everyone should be able to pay someone.

That there are people who would just not go to a close family members wedding because it involves a bit of effort because "it's an invitation not a summons" and also not give a reason because "no is a complete sentence" while still expecting to have decent family relations afterwards.

That no matter what you do as a woman, you're to blame somehow.

1. Most people would be so much happier if we were all exactly the same (as them)

1. Most people seem to have mental health / anger issues.

1. Most people need CONSTANT reassurance that they are right / cleverer / richer / poorer / prettier / better parent than other people they know.

Men are never to be trusted
Accidental pregnancies are rife
Don’t let meter readers in