What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

[Pika09]

What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

(Lighthearted obviously)

1. Never answer the phone if it's a number that you don't recognise or is withheld.

1. Never answer the door if somebody hasn't pre-booked an appointment and definitely not after 7pm, even if it is somebody like the police (see 1.)

1. Under no circumstances must you communicate with your neighbours except by passive aggressive notes about their legal parking.

Anyone got any others?

1. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you will be judged.

1. You cannot complain about parking without a diagram. Carry around an A3 flipchat just for this purpose in real life

1. You earn a lot of money. Even if you don't, you still live in a naice area, In a big house and between you and your DH you can comfortably get by on your combined income of £83k.

1. Everyone's husband is cheating with someone from the office, except mine, who is amazing around the house and does everything for the kids.

That if you even breathe near a parent child parking space and you don’t have a kid with you, you deserve to be dragged to hell immediately.

People are bonkers about washing towels.

If you post on a what have you eaten today thread and it’s more than one slice of cucumber and a quarter of a cracker you are a greedy pig.

To be FUMIN' at the smallest slight.

To not want to read and run, instead write a load of useless waffle in the same time.

That loads of women put up with useless men.

Your husband wants to fuck everything going and can’t be trusted.

That no is a complete sentence 😂

Apparently you are not allowed to be friends with colleagues at work

An invite is not a summons

Now if I get invited absolutely anywhere this is all I hear in my head

That everyone's DH watches porn and if you say they don't you're labelled as in denial.

That people have absolutely no initiative or drive

98% of the population have bona fide diagnosed anxiety issues

A MIL can't possibly be nice

Washing can get darked on and touched by spiders willies

How nasty some people are

How stupid some people are

How utterly miserable some people's lives are

The only good weddings are those that all the guests can walk to within 5 minutes, is very very very low key (any effort is pathetic) and has amazing food and plenty of drinks but only costs £100, anything else is a waste. The bride is wearing her old prom dress and the dress code is just jeans or whatever.

@TeddyIsaHe

Haha re p&c parking spaces, although I would say it's the opposite on here. It's more

"If you dare to suggest you have DCs and need a P&C space, you deserve to be dragged to hell immediately (as it could be occupied by someone with a hidden disability/ no one has the right to them) "

Some boring Jane is always judging you because she has a very dull life

Nobody is ever just a little pissed off/annoyed, they are always FUMING

Most people on here don’t know what a Narcissist is, it is the most over used word on the relationship threads

People think their shyness/lack of confidence, poor communication and socialising skills is 'having anxiety'.

The grammer squad police most posts.

You will be judged if you talk to your kids in a cafe, you will also be judged if you don't talk to your kids whilst in a cafe.

Phone 101 for any unusual trivial activity.

How to develop boundaries! I always think "don't JADE - justify, argue, defend or explain" when I'm in tricky situations at work.

That some people are living on a knife edge and are constantly annoyed.

That some people are giving up their one and only life handing it over to their 'D'H's convenience.

Do not have a child before you're married, unless you have a BETTER and more secure job than the man you're having a child with.

PLENTY of women will judge single mothers for being on benefits even though they couldn't fund a household and work and pay for childcare and pay pills on their own either.

that all men are either evil violent bastards or weak useless pathetic lumps. Or both at the same time.

That common sense really is't so fucking common.

that anyone who has a different opinion as yours is a RED FLAG in real life, or a lier/troll on this forum.

1.You must ring 101 for every misdemeanor.

1. Your dh will have a 2nd hidden phone.
2. Your comfy new ankle boots will likely be classed as "mum boots".

1. That everybody except me has a cleaner
2. That there's such a thing as a penis beaker
3. That everyone had 2 month old babies that could recite the alphabet backwards and had written a best selling novel before their second birthday.