What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

[Pika09]

What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

(Lighthearted obviously)

1. Never answer the phone if it's a number that you don't recognise or is withheld.

1. Never answer the door if somebody hasn't pre-booked an appointment and definitely not after 7pm, even if it is somebody like the police (see 1.)

1. Under no circumstances must you communicate with your neighbours except by passive aggressive notes about their legal parking.

Anyone got any others?

[EngagedAgain]

Sorry the paragraphs disappeared for some reason.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Haha that is hilarious, what's wrong with waiting your turn for the bathroom?!

(Sorry for derailing thread)

[EngagedAgain]

'We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me'.

This bit is quite funny. All very organised me thinks!

It should be right at the top of the search, sara something, highlighted in a teal blue colour.

Yes sorry for derailing!

[BirdieFriendReturns]

If you have more than one slice of pizza you are a giant fatty.

It’s okay to “literally shake and sob” at the slightest fear.

If you go to a supermarket to buy non-essentials you are a murderer.

[insideoutsider]

• If your partner wants sex with you, they're a pervert and they should sort themselves out
• Your sex-starved partner is not allowed to leave you
• Your sex-starved partner is not allowed to have an affair or find anyone else attractive

[Summerofloaf]

don't JADE - justify, argue, defend or explain" when I'm in tricky situations at work.

What are you supposed to do?

[Lobsterquadrille2]

If your household income suddenly falls, taking in your neighbours' ironing will rectify this immediately.

[TroysMammy]

That I'm glad I don't know any of the evil people on here who delight in being nasty for the sake of it because something is definitely lacking in their sad little lives.

That people don't read and ask questions that have been addressed previously eg opening post "I'm a mother of three children aged 10, 7 & 3....." Next post " How many children do you have and what are their ages? "

That as a Doctor's Receptionist I am one of the most hated workers in the country and I wish people could just see how difficult our jobs can be but because of patient confidentiality there will never be a fly on the wall tv programme.

[Triggahippy]

That no mater how reasonable you are, someone will always find you unreasonable
That in the world of mumsnet it’s positively child abuse to have more than one child per bedroom
That you must always have your ducks in a row and prepare the ltb at every marital challenge

[Knittedfairies]

That school, the police, Interpol, and MI5 must all be involved if your neighbour has only 1.85m between them and the postman while chatting over the fence.

[Cheaperbythetriple]

a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me
How messy is your sex that you have to go to the bathroom to clean up? We just use tissues! I really don’t understand why a man would need to dunk his penis in water after sex.
Also if you’re very intent on using the bathroom to clean up, why not use the bathroom at the same time?

[Moonshinemisses]

1 :Children shouldn't be left alone untill they are 25 and know what to do in the event of your house blowing up or zombie apocalypse.

2 : Even though they shouldn't be left alone once they reach 10yrs old dont do anything for them, cooking, cleaning, lifts etc.

3 : If you use you garden for more than 10 mins and do anything except sit in silence your neighbours will hate you.

[bridgetreilly]

That a lot of people have the internet that comes with no google.

[Neron]

1. That I need to up my game in relation to MIL. I don't hate her, she doesn't have 'form, I've not set any boundaries that she ignores. She puts pictures on SM and I don't mind, in fact, I adore her

1. That any slight annoyance from DH means 'He has shown me who he really is' and I need to LTB

1. That I'm doing life wrong. Want more money - get a better job. Got neighbour issues - move to a detached house (ideally rural)

[JimmyTheWeed]

1. That everyone has a cleaner.
   
2. That it's considered to be a crime if you don't drive.
   
3. That all nasty,shitty behaviour is because the person either has dementia or mental health problems. It's never because they are just a nasty person.

[crispysausagerolls]

People genuinely think two adults should
Share a box
Room so their child can have the double. Otherwise how will the child cope!

What’s this “counting to 3” joke?!

[JimmyTheWeed]

Can I add a fourth one?! That if you're short of money,the solution is always to either take in ironing or get a job stacking shelves in your local supermarket.

[pussycatinboots]

1. My DH should have a penis beaker.
2. I shouldn't answer the door to a delivery man and shout "tall man" at him.
3. Spiders will drag their willies across my laundry if I don't bring it in at night and it consequently becomes "darked on".

Thank you, Mumsnet. You have been informative and educational.

[shiningstar2]

The sisterhood is not consistent :
Every woman who wants/needs to should be able to go out to work and that having a child does not mean you should be expected to forego your career to do childcare if this is not your forte.
But ...granny's should WANT to childcare regardless of whether they have fulfilling careers or whether or not childcare is their forte.

If granny isn't obliging in doing all day every day childcare, she need not expect even so much as help with the shopping when she becomes old and infirm, regardless of all the care she gave her own children growing up.

If mil does the childcare she must abide by every rule set by daughter in law and understand that being allowed to look after the grandchildren at all is a huge favour given to her by dil.

In any event grannies should see it as a huge favour to be allowed to wipe up sticky mess, change nappies, deal with tantrums and take the kids out alone in all weathers while mum and dad interact with adults all day in the office.

As said activities are huge favours given to grandparents they must never expect a thank you let alone the odd bunch of tulips as said gps are only doing their duty

[Ravenclawgirl]

1. If you don't earn at least £100K a year you're a failure
   
2. All MIL's are evil witches
   
3. If a happy meal has ever passed your child's lips you are an unfit mother

[SoftBlocks]

That there are a surprising number of adults who are really childish and demanding about how their birthdays are marked.

[Mummadeeze]

I know this is meant to be a lighthearted thread but I have mainly learnt I need to have more self esteem and this has been very helpful. So thanks Mumsnet!

[Desiringonlychild]

1. a garden is a human right if you have children.
2. Having 1 child is 'ok if thats what you want'. 2 children is ideal. if you have 3 children, make sure you can afford it and not rely on benefits.
3. your DH is likely to cheat on you. And you are likely to find out about it from reading his messages

[Imapotato]

I have another one.

• if you want to buy a kitten on gumtree or similar and don’t want to pay £16373884939939292993 for it, you are clearly an unfit pet owner who won’t give that kitten a loving home, oh no, you only want it as dog bait.