What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

[Pika09]

What 3 things has mumsnet taught you about life?

(Lighthearted obviously)

1. Never answer the phone if it's a number that you don't recognise or is withheld.

1. Never answer the door if somebody hasn't pre-booked an appointment and definitely not after 7pm, even if it is somebody like the police (see 1.)

1. Under no circumstances must you communicate with your neighbours except by passive aggressive notes about their legal parking.

Anyone got any others?

[beeinmygarden]

1. It is completely beyond the pale for children to behave like children in public.

1. People who post on mumsnet are not looking for empathy or understanding but simplistic solutions to their complex life problems.

Therefore if they don't instantly follow the advice they are time- wasting scum and deserve to be told as much.

1. Anyone who wants to be kind to someone in distress is to be treated with contempt and told to fuck off to Nethuns.

[Realladyoflondon]

As soon as your kids are old enough to walk to school alone (and that should be as young as possible!), you should do absolutely nothing for them and do them absolutely no favours. They should be emotionally and financially stable at 18 and should not rely on you for anything at all.

Your kids should not be invited to go on holiday with you past the age of 15 unless they’re paying

Stay at home mothers are bad influences on their children who will grow up with a bad work ethic

[Baseline2815]

That some people think when you walk into a cafe you should sit down, and others think it is criminal for any of your party to sit down before you have ordered at the counter.

That people put up with an awful lot of horridness from partners, and it's really difficult to break away from that.

To be more compassionate and understanding about the circumstances and motivations of people who live, think and believe differently.

[MagnificentMillie]

@Biffsboys

As soon as your child turns 18 you must never do anything for them . They are adults 🙄

One of the worst I think, usually said by parents of toddlers. You are also not allowed to call them your children either I think once beyond 18? Even though they are your children.

Maybe you should refer to them as your adults?

[MulticolourMophead]

That you will be judged for having a toilet brush.

That you will be judged for leaving washing out at night.

OTOH, you can get some great support when leaving an abusive ex.

[BadApe]

Ghosts are 100% real and if you don’t believe in them then you just haven’t experienced them yet

Unless your husband or partner both works and does all of the housework he is lazy and worthless. If he ever does anything you disagree with or speaks to you in anything but loving, quiet, hushed tones he is abusing you and you must LTB immediately. He has also cheated on you, or will, or would.

If you don’t flush the toilet on the hour, every hour as well as once in the morning, last thing at night and twice after you use it then you are DISGUSTING and absolutely GRIM.

[Cheaperbythetriple]

You can’t possibly have raised children properly if you have a close relationship with them.
It’s normal for your kids to hate you or say they hate you. It’s just teenage hormones

[herecomesgeralt]

1)
That you cannot just sign up to Mumsnet and make the dreaded 'first post'. Some busybody will take it upon themselves to scout you out and scathingly respond with one of the following:

'Interesting first post OP '
'This seems an odd thing to post about when you've never posted before '
'Did you just make an account to post about this then?'

2)
If a man gets inheritance, he should share it with his wife. If a woman gets inheritance, she should keep it all to herself.

3)
Practically everyone is a narcissist.

[MagnificentMillie]

The obsessive advanced search brigade, lots of upset when that was offline. Then I saw someone say that there was always google .

I think most of us name change at least weekly now though 🙋🏻‍♀️.

[DollyDoneMore]

Cat shit that gets shat all over your lawn comes from lovable freedom-loving fur babies who are nicer than most people and their cat freedom to shit everywhere is more important than your human freedom not to have cat shit across your garden.

A man who sends or receives a text from a woman at work wants to fuck her, or is fucking her already or “it’s only a matter of time.”

Anyone who experiences life differently to me must by lying about it on Mumsnet. No-one could possibly earn over £100k or under £10k or have never argued with their partner or had a happy childhood. They are all lying.

[EngagedAgain]

The mention of the penis beaker, make me feel just a bit queasy 🤢 urgh!

[FrothyB]

If your Husband moves, breathes or blinks you should LTB.

Your Husbands family are unimportant and should be disregarded as soon as the children are born. A womans third cousin who she's never met can fly in from Ulaan Batar and come and stay the day after the babys born if she so wishes, but your Husbands mother should respect your boundaries and stay away for at least 6 months, but preferably life.

If your life is different in any way to another poster, you're doing it all wrong and their way is obviously the best.

[Davespecifico]

if you say something near the mark to friends and colleagues, they’ll laugh or sympathise. if you say it here, you’ll get short shrift and a 🍩 doughnut.

Ham is a class issue.

Info on gas lighting, the script etc (all very useful).

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

@engagedagain someone needs to fill me in on the penis beaker, I think it predates me joining the site. Although I'm sure I can use my imagination.

[Kerryismystyleicon]

If you have a tattoo (or heaven forbid more than one) you are a complete chav who has ruined their future employment options.

[flipflopdreams]

Every man you have an issue with is abusive

[Imapotato]

Mumsnet has taught me....

• Step parents are always the devil incarnate
• having children under the age of 35 is irresponsible
• if you earn under 100k per year you are poor

[EngagedAgain]

chocolatesaltyballs22
Mm slightly appropriate username you have! 😂
From what I can remember - a posters OH kept a beaker with water in, in the bedroom, to dip his willy after sex, to save going to the bathroom for a clean up 😬😬

[EngagedAgain]

If you put in a search for 'penis beaker' you will find it.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Thanks....it's a South Park reference in case you didn't know....

Off to search that now but DEAR GOD that sounds rank!!

[Kerryismystyleicon]

I also can't count to 3 I blame my tattoo

[Dialdownthedrama]

@chocolatesaltyballs22 It was a possible troll (or not) who started a thread about how they and their DP had a little area on the bedside table with tissues, a bin and a beaker of water for him to clean his penis with after sex while she was cleaning up in the bathroom.

It wasn't particularly funny to many but became a MN 'thing'.

[EngagedAgain]

chocolatesaltyballs22

Sorry about that I couldn't resist! No I didn't know that.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Haha no probs.

Can anyone remember the 'penis beaker' thread title? Desperate to read it now and when you just search for penis beaker it brings up bazillions of results!

[EngagedAgain]

chocolate, this was the OP, and beneath a part of a PP, which I thought funny, as was many.

I considered name changing for this, but, fuck it. We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me. Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing. Does everyone else just lay there in a sticky post coital glow until morning? Really?

That must be sexy. You do it then spring apart, you rush to the bathroom and he plunges his knob into a bucket.