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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my Sister needs to get real

170 replies

jarhead123 · 04/05/2020 08:56

Video call with my Mum & sister on Saturday. Sister has very different life to me, works very hard in office job, as does her partner. No kids, plenty of money, big house etc.

We're doing OK, average house, 2 kids. (all just for background info!)

Anyway, during the call she says she thinks shops will be busy after 'all this' because everyone has so much money because we aren't going out/spending at the moment!

I was in shock. What about those people who have lost their jobs/are on furlough? She seems to think life is rosy because they have plenty of cash, but doesn't seem to realise a mile down the road we're all donating money to our school go fund me to help feed those vulnerable families etc.

Felt really irritated after the call!

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 04/05/2020 08:59

Why didn’t you say something to her at the time that other people are having a very different experience to her.

No need to be nasty about it, but maybe she didn’t think about how truly shit it is for many people

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/05/2020 09:00

Her life is different than yours, she is commenting based on her experience. No need to be irritated by it Confused

Gawdsake2020 · 04/05/2020 09:00

Why didn’t you just tell her that? Hmm

peoplewhoannoyyou · 04/05/2020 09:02

You have to remember a lot of people will be in her position, plenty of money saved up and will spend, spend, spend when the lockdown ends. The country actually needs this to happen to restart the economy.

LouiseTrees · 04/05/2020 09:02

Sadly people like this live in a bubble of 5k challenges and yoga to cope with lockdown. I know because I am in a similar type job (although currently on mat leave) and have been copied into such emails around the team. Luckily I also have those in my bubble like the local church and a neighbour who are collecting donations for the vulnerable and having come from a poorer background myself also always remember people struggle. Realistically you have two options 1. Try and send her links/send links out to everyone fundraising (danger of virtue signalling accusations) or 2. Ignore her.
But you are definitely right to be annoyed.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 04/05/2020 09:03

Well she’s right for some people, I’m still working but can’t spend what I normally do on days out etc so saving and I’ve friends that have been furloughed and are also better off because they’re saving the money they’d normally spend on the commute.

ThrowbackMagic · 04/05/2020 09:04

But she’s probably right as that will be the case for a lot of people - not everyone, but many - it doesn’t sound like she was being callous or indifferent, just imagining how different things might be affected.

YABU.

Does she just piss you off in general? Is there a rich seam of annoying comments predating this that have led you to take offence at this innocuous statement?

Smellbellina · 04/05/2020 09:06

I don’t know why you’d be mad with her for commenting upon the reality of her own life, and she’s right that there will be lots of other people in a similar situation.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2020 09:06

I’m not really sure about the donating money to school to feed families thing, but she is factually correct in that there is a pent up demand which will be released as restrictions lift.

Of course the longer this goes on, the higher the taxes and unemployment will be, it’s already been two months.

Are you maybe annoyed because she has the disposable cash and you don’t, and you feel maybe she was showing off?

BikeRunSki · 04/05/2020 09:06

Your sister is making the mistake of assuming that her experience is the same as everyone else’s. YANBU to be annoyed, but you could have stepped in to broaden her horizons.

ScarfLadysBag · 04/05/2020 09:09

Well she's right for a fair few people. There was a thread on here about financial situations during/post lockdown and a lot of people were either the same or better off because of saving money on commuting, childcare, socialising , etc. So I imagine the shops will be busy! That doesn't necessarily mean she's ignorant that it's not the case for everyone, though, surely? Just that the shops will be busy because of demand.

missyB1 · 04/05/2020 09:11

I yeah her world is clearly very small. Would she have been receptive to being corrected? My sister wouldn’t so I have to ignore instead.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 04/05/2020 09:13

She’s not wrong - that is what will happen and needs to happen for the economy to recover.

You’re also not wrong. There are people struggling who won’t be able to spend when shops reopen.

Nothing to be annoyed about.

You do seem like you resent her a bit. Her not having kids and you having them is neither here nor there.

Eskarina1 · 04/05/2020 09:13

I think we will be an economy of two halves - those in secure roles who have saved plenty, including those who've done a huge amount of overtime in supermarkets etc and those who are in financial difficulties. We do need the first group to spend to stimulate the economy. There will be a third group (that I hope to be in) who haven't suffered financially but came close and got a huge shock and will be much more cautious about spending.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2020 09:16

Your sister is making the mistake of assuming that her experience is the same as everyone else’s

Isn’t the op doing the same thing? They are both right, although again I’m not really understanding we all have to donate to schools to feed families thing, but some people will struggle financially others won’t. That’s always the way.

Comefromaway · 04/05/2020 09:22

There will be both kinds of people.

We’ve saved a lot. Average income. Both Dh and I are working from home. Dh has been working harder and longer hours but is no longer paying £75 per week train fayre and lunches at the coffee shop. We have not been going out for meals or to the theatre.

I worked out that even if we’d both been furloughed we are saving more than we would be losing.

MarshaBradyo · 04/05/2020 09:25

If you look at the how are you financially thread on here it is mixed. Some have more, others are struggling. It’s really sector dependent atm and with it a divide.

dontdisturbmenow · 04/05/2020 09:26

8 agréé with your sister. I think the shops will go mad just because people will need a reason to go out again but for a walk. People are addicted to shopping. You just have a see the queues at b&q as it reopened.

Some will have the money some will use their credit cards.

PorpentiaScamander · 04/05/2020 09:27

I'm definitely spending more than usual during lockdown.
Most of my family are spending less. They told me I must be doing something wrong Hmm

MarshaBradyo · 04/05/2020 09:28

Our food bill is huge but lots of other stuff has reduced so not much in it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/05/2020 09:29

God, I wish there had been a load of 'overtime in supermarkets'. Instead, most supermarkets took on university students/college students who'd been sent home and whose parents sent them out to work. They took a lot of the hours, and the rest of us faced the customers on NMW and limited hours.

Great for the students, earning whilst home from Uni, not so great for those of us putting right their mistakes (sweet chilli sauce is NOT the same as chilli fgs!).

Sorry, Rant over.

Meredithgrey1 · 04/05/2020 09:30

Neither of you are wrong, people will be in different situations. DH and I are both wfh, and DD's nursery isn't charging while they're shut. So we're over £1,000 a month better off, plus I'm not paying for tickets for my commute. We've also moved in with ILs so they can help us look after DD while we work, and despite strong protests on our part they are totally refusing to accept any money from us for food or bills, so even though I try to make sure I'm the one who goes to the shop when I can, so we are contributing some, we are saving a lot on food and bills (they will get a large thak you present from us when this is over!)

SliAnCroix · 04/05/2020 09:33

There WILL be people who have money they haven't had a chance to spend though, so she's right.

My wages are very modest but I guess for the first time in ages I'm finding that I'm not spending it all before the next pay day! Which is nice.

This is a first for me though. Throughout my life up til now I've been the last in first out one, or the one on a zero hours contract.
So I am so grateful to have job security finally, but yet, i still don't 100% trust it. The government could try to get civil servants to give up their jobs. They have had measures like that before.

SliAnCroix · 04/05/2020 09:34

So, nobody can be 100% sure that they have job security I feel. The world is just changing around us and who knows.

saraclara · 04/05/2020 09:34

I know quite a few people saying this. And I'm one of the lucky ones in that position.
I'm sure she knows that other people are in financial peril. She just said something on the spur of the moment that she didn't really think through.

It's okay to be irritated, but you could have just reminded her that not everyone's in the same boat.
I think we're all of us particularly stuck in our bubbles at the moment, simply because we don't get out to see and talk to people in different situations.
It was a thoughtless comment, but forgivable. If she says anything like it again, simply say (pleasantly) that of course there are many many people who won't be able to spend anything because they've lost their jobs.