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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my Sister needs to get real

170 replies

jarhead123 · 04/05/2020 08:56

Video call with my Mum & sister on Saturday. Sister has very different life to me, works very hard in office job, as does her partner. No kids, plenty of money, big house etc.

We're doing OK, average house, 2 kids. (all just for background info!)

Anyway, during the call she says she thinks shops will be busy after 'all this' because everyone has so much money because we aren't going out/spending at the moment!

I was in shock. What about those people who have lost their jobs/are on furlough? She seems to think life is rosy because they have plenty of cash, but doesn't seem to realise a mile down the road we're all donating money to our school go fund me to help feed those vulnerable families etc.

Felt really irritated after the call!

OP posts:
Figgygal · 04/05/2020 11:08

She’s not wrong in a way if it wasn’t for the fact that my husband has been furloughed and I’ve taken a 10% cut we would be saving a fortune

RabidChinchilla · 04/05/2020 11:11

To be fair, I’ve spent peanuts whilst off and my company have topped up my wage so I get the full 80%. I can’t wait to get my hair cut and go shopping etc.

imsooverthisdrama · 04/05/2020 11:11

She's not wrong though is she ?
My mil said similar, they are retired and not going out 2-3 times a week for drinks / bingo etc with friends . Where me I only go out occasionally and I'm very aware that people have or will loose their jobs me included so I'm careful with money .

I suppose there are many people who have big disposable incomes. Like some of my colleagues they would daily go to McDonald's etc for lunch or eat out 3-4 times a week so they will have saved a fortune but they are young live at home .
Yanbu to be annoyed but perhaps you should of said something, but I suspect she's one of those that doesn't care about other people's situations.

thecatsthecats · 04/05/2020 11:17

Much like 'real women have curves', 'real people have financial difficulties' is a bit of a bore-and-chore expression.

I actually take great pride in the fact that in the two years since I took over financial management of my company, I've got us to a position where we're managing the brunt of this nicely, without affecting staff finances (though we're all struggling a bit in different ways personally).

So no, not everyone is struggling financially. Might change, but until now, we're doing ok - in fact, my credit card is in profit at the moment since my Jet2 refund came in.

(and yes, we're on a good income at the moment, but I've managed on very low incomes alone before, and have to roll my eyes at people telling me I don't know what it's like!)

Mittens030869 · 04/05/2020 11:19

It's certainly true for us. My DH hg as been WFH and we haven't spent money on going out for meals or even takeaways, as I haven't been well with COVID-19 symptoms and haven't been able to eat anything other than plain food. We're also not taking our DDs to do gymnastics or Guides, as these activities aren't happening now. And we're not taking them out for treats at weekends.

Obviously it's a completely different matter for people who are afraid of losing their jobs or self-employed people who aren't able to make any money.

Your sister is speaking from her own experience, and not able to see beyond that, but she isn't unusual in that way, especially as a lot of us are living in a bubble right now.

SharonasCorona · 04/05/2020 11:22

But plenty of people will have saved money?Confused

Why are you angry at facts, OP?

RabidChinchilla · 04/05/2020 11:22

Much like 'real women have curves', 'real people have financial difficulties' is a bit of a bore-and-chore expression.

I agree. Every single time I’ve heard that ‘real women’ expression used it was by somebody that looked more like an emperor penguin.

Ginfordinner · 04/05/2020 11:23

Because it will be true for a lot of people. It is true for her.

I am working from home and DH is semi retired. I am not commuting, I am only using the car for supermarket shopping - I haven't filled the car up for weeks, I am not eating out, I am not buying clothes, I am not going anywhere other than the supermarket and DD's last term's halls fees have been waived. Our outgoings are about half of our income at the moment.

Even people furloughed on 80% wages will be spending a lot less.

LouiseCollina · 04/05/2020 11:30

No offence OP but I think you both need to get real, just in two different ways. I was broke most of my adult life but found several years back, when I started making a relatively comfortable living, that I was on the receiving end of all sorts of side-eyes from women who'd made different decisions which had impacted on their earnings. Your sister needs to look across the fence and realise that not everybody will have money to spend when we get through this, and you need to realise that those who do haven't done anything to warrant resentment.

LouiseCollina · 04/05/2020 11:33

Every single time I’ve heard that ‘real women’ expression used it was by somebody that looked more like an emperor penguin.

Grin - harsh but true!

wheretonow123 · 04/05/2020 11:33

Absolutely agree with the responses here. The time to disagree and point out the reality was at the time.

If you didnt then you could always engineer a conversation at the next call in which you point out these issues.

Or forward her links to reports demonstrating your point.

But no need to get yourself irritated about it.

blue25 · 04/05/2020 11:36

Lots of people have got spare money left due to lockdown. Most of my friends/family have. It doesn’t mean everyone has, but I think we need to stop being so sensitive about everything.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/05/2020 11:43

We are in a similar situation to your sister, we spend any leftover money per month on things we aren't able to do now, and we had a full refund from a fully paid holiday so our savings account is looking healthy. I think it depends on your financial situation pre lockdown.

I'm also very aware of people who are struggling and like you, we do help as much as we can. I think your sister could be right, a few of our friends are itching to book holidays, eat out, get their kids out for days, but I don't think it would harm her to be a touch more socially aware of how she could help those not in her situation, which is maybe what you should tell her.

Fairyliz · 04/05/2020 11:49

I read somewhere that 20% of people will lose their jobs in the fallout from CV. But presumably that means 80% won’t which added to current pensioners means that the vast majority of people will be ok.
Obviously it’s still shit if you are struggling but not spending won’t help those people.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 04/05/2020 11:53

She was wrong to say "everyone" but "most people" would be pretty accurate.

Most people will have similar income levels than before lockdown.

Most people's spending will have dropped during lockdown.

Most people will have things they wanted/needed to buy in the last 6 weeks that they have been unable to pick up in the supermarket during their weekly shop and will go get them once lockdown is lifted.

That's not to say that those who will be worse off should be forgotten, but luckily they are likely to be in the minority and so helping should be within our abilities as a nation/society should we chose to do so.

MeganBacon · 04/05/2020 11:54

Many people are in a state of enforced saving. No gym, cleaners, going out, restaurants, commuting, petrol to drive kids to school, clothes, reduced school fees, etc. Supermarket spend is up, but that's pretty much the only thing.
Other people will have lost their jobs and it will have a huge impact, but the spend from people whose jobs are not lost will just be delayed, not lost.

Ginfordinner · 04/05/2020 11:55

I realise that I am fortunate, and make a point of buying for food banks as I know not everyone is as fortunate as me.

Potterspotter · 04/05/2020 12:02

More people will save a rainy day fund though - record levels of credit card debt repaid last month. We’ll see a spike in people getting things on their house done if they still aren’t allowed to travel but can buy in building works.

It’s a game of two halves, winners and losers from this.

papiermaches · 04/05/2020 12:02

She's right, for many people it's meant WFH, salary the same, costs down and refunds or cancelled holidays.
I'm not sure I would get the rage about it. It's why we need to come out of lockdown, before the economy tanks.

Firsttimedogowner · 04/05/2020 12:04

You sister is correct. There will be massive pent up demand and the shops will be packed. I don’t see why you’re annoyed at her because she didn’t caveat her response by saying ‘of course I know not everyone’. Obviously she knows this it’s all over the news the numbers who have lost jobs and been furloughed. But that doesn’t take away from how she is correct in what she says.

Honestly you sound bitter that she is better off than you.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 04/05/2020 12:04

Every single time I’ve heard that ‘real women’ expression used it was by somebody that looked more like an emperor penguin. - this is fabulous, thank you!

papiermaches · 04/05/2020 12:06

Are you struggling, is this why you're so upset about people who are having financial issues? How do you know your sister isn't giving to charity or donating to a local foodbank?

luckylavender · 04/05/2020 12:07

@MintyMabel - simple law of averages. There's a good percentage chunk of self employed people who have no income for example. And look at the figures of children who haven't got enough to eat since Lockdown.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 04/05/2020 12:10

I agree with your sister, I’m saving loads. Everyone I know is saving loads.

Frazzled2207 · 04/05/2020 12:13

I think it’s a wrong to think that people will be financially unaffected by this. You’re probably “safe” (albeit not from the virus, sadly) if you work in healthcare but otherwise who knows. My husband has a well paid job but with a recession almost inevitable there is no doubt that many in his company (large multinational) will lose their jobs within the next few months.
Neither of us will be spending any more than we need to for the forseeable. I run a business which is not currently able to do any business and may well cease trading completely unless the economy bounces back extremely quickly which I doubt.