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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
Inkpaperstars · 03/05/2020 16:42

It's going to work for the purposes intended which is physical support for some of those that need. It's not for socialising. It's also not compulsory so if it's not relevant or suitable for your situation, don't do it

The trouble with that is if the idea of a ten person bubble is out there, people will do whether or not they need it, and they will get the whole thing muddled and misused. Much better to give more specific guidelines so that those who live alone or are in need can widen their support.

RuthW · 03/05/2020 16:43

Works for me. Me and adult dd will join in with my partner. If we can add another household then it will be my parents but I'm seeing them lots anyway as I'm sorting out their food and meds.

Rosebel · 03/05/2020 16:44

It's not just 10 people though is,it? It's 1 or 2 households. So even if just my sister went to see my parents I still couldn't go because that would be 3" households and if my husband had seen his mum and so had his sister it would mean 5 households could infect one another. I don't see how it would work.
So as I said we'll just have to carry on, even though I really want to see my mum and dad.

GrimmsFairytales · 03/05/2020 16:44

but it clearly isn't as several posters on here have misunderstood

I think a lot who have interpreted it incorrectly actually do understand, they're just claiming not to so they can meet up with more people.

Original poster
justasking111 · 03/05/2020 16:44

What makes it more complicated is the children going back to school, parents going back to work, grand parents within the bubble doing school runs etc. as they did before the virus. So if I pick one family = 8 four of those people are going to be at school/work.

It is going to be such a headache.

OP posts:
BlueLadybird · 03/05/2020 16:45

For those thinking it really wouldn’t work: If you’d been told 3 months ago that the schools and childcare would shut, almost everyone would WFH, the only open shops would be supermarkets, you couldn’t see anyone outside those you live with etc... would you have thought that would work? I certainly wouldn’t but somehow or other we have muddled through 6 weeks now.

It would be difficult to decide and to police but for lots of people it would be nice to expand their bubble from beyond their household. If that’s too tough, just stay as you are, no one will force you to see anyone else.

And I expect this will come with travel restrictions so anyone with family living outside of their local area will likely be out of luck. The government won’t want people taking their germs around the country.

thecatsthecats · 03/05/2020 16:50

I think ten feels like a very off target to me. I think frequency of socialising surely makes more or at least as much sense as volume?

I can easily not leave the house for ten days, and if I could then go see my parents and no one else, I'd feel a thousand times better. I could then happily stay in for another ten days when I returned.

I think my parents would be happy to do the same if it meant that after another isolation period, they could see my sister and her family. My in laws similarly would be OK seeing us infrequently, and we're all able to isolate well inbetween.

For households where they have to move about frequently for care or support reasons, they could be more limited as they'd be seeing people more frequently.

imsooverthisdrama · 03/05/2020 17:01

I don't think there should be a number per say it should be you can mix with 1 or 2 max households so your parents say .
If you give people a figure people take it literally, like oh I can meet with Julie from Zumba when there is no need .
I'm sure we all have lots of people we are missing but it's a handful of people we are desperate to see .

GrimmsFairytales · 03/05/2020 17:07

If you give people a figure people take it literally,

Exactly it becomes a target. Instead of meeting up with just one set of grandparents, or a family member who lives alone. Some people will add extra fiends / family just to reach the magic number 10.

DinosApple · 03/05/2020 17:16

2 households could work for us. It would be us (family of 4) and BIL (single). DH and BIL work together anyway.

Mil is very unwell in a care home at the moment. BIL and DH visited today (separate cars). DH spoke through the window to her, and staff got BIL got PPE'd up and he went in. From a compassionate point of view, combining our households would be sensible. Unless MIL turns a corner soon we'll be needing to plan a funeral. It makes me sick to think we can't be there, together, holding her hand.

My mum and dad live an hour away, so it would be pointless. But Dbro is living there so they're not on their own. I miss them dreadfully, but we can still Skype.

Perhaps the household thing would be staggered, 2 households first, give it two months, add another household to the bubble, and so on.

Headbangersandmash · 03/05/2020 17:27

As someone else said I suspect that stage 1 will be people being allowed to meet another household outdoors with social distancing. So you could have a picnic if each household has their own blankets 2m away and only eat their own food and not touch/hug etc.

Inkpaperstars · 03/05/2020 17:40

Have the government actually suggested this?

Ghostlyglow · 03/05/2020 17:50

If you think about it, it just doesn't make sense. How do you know the people you want in your 10 would pick you? And if only some in a household are in your 10 and the others in a household aren't in your 10 then what about the 10 they are meeting with etc etc 🤯

Itwasntme1 · 03/05/2020 17:58

I can see it working if it’s limited to two households.

Single person able to visit another household. Two families with kids able to let children play while adults share meal. It is in effect already happening with Separated parents moving children between two houses.

But people can’t or won’t understand the rules. People will bounce from house to house. People will want more people in their bubble, people will cheat. Grandparents will move around several houses, people will see their in-laws as well as their parents and siblings. Bubbles will expand and overlap.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 18:00

Ghostlyglow - it makes complete sense, the suggestion is that you mix with 1 or 2 households mix together and only them, none of you see anyone else. So eg there are 4 in my house and we could see my parents. DH wouldn't be able to see his family and my parents could only see us. This could work well if for instance my parents were usually our childcare and we had to work from home. 10 people is a red herring, the number 10 I think is to say they don't want a family of 6 mixing with another family of 6 as then the bubble is too large.

As you can see on here, the reason it won't work is that people are insistent that they will not follow the rules!

CoffeeIsMyOnlyJoy · 03/05/2020 18:07

It would work fairly well for us. It's not perfect, but I'd guess this is a stepping stone to less restrictive measures in 3-4 weeks. It allows most people to be somewhat less isolated while keeping parties and large groups illegal.

But in all honesty, aren't we choosey beggars right now? I'd love to see my family.

imsooverthisdrama · 03/05/2020 18:10

It's people who live on their own I feel sorry for . I have a couple of friends who live alone who are feeling very lonely now . For them that would be brilliant.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 03/05/2020 18:22

It just won't work. i'd rather leave things as they are

Is a supremely selfish view. There are those of us who haven't seen their partner for weeks and are desperate to do,so. People who live alone who are struggling with their mental health. Parents who haven't seen their child.

Just because some people are so popular that they would struggle to just find one or two households to mix with doesn't mean that this wouldn't be a lifeline for other people.

BelieveInPeople · 03/05/2020 18:26

It would work for us - I live with my child, his dad lives alone and has our child two nights a week. The handover is done in a socially distancing way. His dad is really struggling with isolation so joining our two households would mean that he could come round to see our son between access, have a cup of tea and a chat with me, go out for a walk all together. It would definitely help his mental health. Accepting that we’re quite amicable and this wouldn’t be for everyone - this concept of two families mixing when someone is living alone would mitigate against some of the negative impacts of isolation.

Itwasntme1 · 03/05/2020 18:29

@beleive I think in your situation, given you son is already moving regularly between the two households there isn’t much added risk of you have a cup of coffee or a walk with your ex. Balanced against the mental health benefits I think it’s worth the risk.

maria860 · 03/05/2020 18:33

Don't even know ten people I like much 😂

pigsDOfly · 03/05/2020 18:46

@lyralalala The basketball court I talking about is pretty much at the other end of the country from the English/Scottish boarder. So no it wasn't your household I saw.

TigerQueenie · 03/05/2020 18:50

It sounds like lunacy.

Can't wait for our families to get all offended when we say we don't want to see anybody whilst the risk is still prominent, regardless of bubbles or lists.

Writerandreader · 03/05/2020 19:10

It really won't happen. In other countries they are already moving towards looser arrangements by later in May where you can meet friends if you social distance.

People have become naturally very frightened over the past months but we need to understand thst we are moving into a period of managed risk and it won't be policed. That will be hard for the snitches to cope with but we will all have to manage our own risk levels in the coming months.

Missteebeee · 03/05/2020 19:17

@Changeofname79......no I’m not working at the moment as the family I nanny for have temporarily rented a country house and I’m not prepared to drive 100+ miles away in lockdown

My children want to see their dad

My 21 year old wants to see her boyfriend. She is also a nanny (mum, dad and three children)

How does it work?

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