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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
CarlaH · 03/05/2020 15:50

I can see this causing ructions in our house. We have seen nobody since lockdown commenced but my OH is a very sociable person.

If OH thought that we could form a bubble with some of our near neighbours that would make him very happy.

I would prefer just to stick to the two of us. I don't want to be exposed or have him exposed to any extra risk.

I just think we would end up arguing about it because he has a very different idea of the risks involved.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 15:52

@Missteebeee your children cant just pick friends and other family to see FGS. You could have a small group between 1 or 2 households and you can see no one else. Re your work, are you actually working in another families house right now?

Mascotte · 03/05/2020 15:53

I don't really get the mentality that it shouldn't happen/is a stupid idea just because it wouldn't work for some people.

It's meant to help with social isolation and loneliness: how can that be a bad thing?

Don't do it if you don't want to or it wouldn't be possible for you 🤷‍♀️

EmpressLangClegInChair · 03/05/2020 15:54

Wtf? You LIVE WITH PEOPLE. Try not speaking to another human being for two months and tell me how “fine” it is then.

Exactly. Admittedly I’ve had one or two distant chats with neighbours & I actively prefer living alone. But I really, really want to see friends in person, not on a screen.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 15:54

You dont HAVE to have a bubble of people. It is only if really necessary and would be very limited.

Let's just hope it doesnt happen, shame for those who desperately need it but after seeing this thread it terrifies me to be honest. And congratulations to the poster who is happily out and about mixing with other households, very big and clever.

Writerandreader · 03/05/2020 15:55

This won't happen. It's too complicated. In other European coubtries including Ireland the plan is to allow mixing outdoors or at 2m distance in small groups.

It's also nonsense to say close family rather than friends. Many people want to be able to let their children play with friends or link up for childcare with other families. Single parents are desperate for support.

It doesn't seem very appealing to me to be able to see my mum as its not helpful for my kids going several weeks without friends to okay with.

I want them to relax the rules so that we can have meetings in parks where risk if transmission is zero anyway

And let teenagers use basketball courts etc

Writerandreader · 03/05/2020 15:57

Changeofname are you aware that the lockdown has to end at some point? There seems to be a misunderstanding thst it was going to go on for months.

Leading scientists have constantly stated that outdoor transmission is almost zero. For public and mental health we need to allow socialising in small numbers in parks and outdoors. This can't go on for much longer.

BruceAndNosh · 03/05/2020 15:59

Mr Bruce and I will be a bubble of 2 cos we are antisocial sods

BeyondMyWits · 03/05/2020 16:05

Those of us who work in close proximity to others already have a bit of a bubble thing going on . (workers should be 2m apart "where possible" - it is just not possible)

We have a central bubble of workers - there are 9 of us.

Each of us has family at home and we do not socialise outside of that family.

4 of us have partners still working - 2 of which work in close proximity with their colleagues. 1 of them is my DH - who has 3 close colleagues, the other one I do not know, anyhow all those colleagues have family - some of which may work in close contact with others... and we have no idea on their socialising proclivities.

There is already a lot of mixing going on

So to get to my point... what is the point?

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 16:08

@Writerandreader I haven't disputed that, opening parks for outdoor socialising is likely to be a nearly step of lifting restrictions. Not sure why you have named me to be honest in your post as I havent suggested lockdown will not end.

I am all for restrictions being lifted if with scientific advice and in the right way. By people thinking they can see 10 people at their houses and those 10 people can see 10 people each isn't going to be within that advice surely?

If you look at Italy's plan it lays out the various phases and how it will work. Seems relatively sensible to open things a bit at a time. Parks are on the first or second phase in next couple of weeks there I believe. Close indoor socialising is much later after that, as expected.

shinynewapple2020 · 03/05/2020 16:09

@StatisticallyChallenged if nobody in your family is going out to work or otherwise mixing with other people I would say go and visit your MIL . You are allowed visits to older family members in terms of giving care, and even if she doesn't need physical care I think you could argue that this would be a reasonable excuse'.

bettybattenburg · 03/05/2020 16:09

10 seems like a sensible number to me, it's quite a few people, you just need to be selective if you know a lot of people. There's not much point in complaining about it, nearly everybody is in the same boat and if we don't accept it then it'll never be allowed anyway.

Fortunately my bubble is only 1 person (excluding who I live with) anyway even ignoring the lock down so it's not going to be an issue here.

CarlaH · 03/05/2020 16:10

'You dont HAVE to have a bubble of people. It is only if really necessary and would be very limited.'

I do get that this would really help people who have been on their own and are lonely.

My worry is the argument that will kick off in this house if the opportunity is there for us to socialise with another small group and I don't want to and he does.

So personally I would rather it didn't get proposed at all.

Still for the lonely ones I will suck it up if it happens.

shinynewapple2020 · 03/05/2020 16:18

@Writerandreader I agree with the point about meeting up outdoors. My plan will be to start seeing the odd friend/ family member but to do this sitting outside with the 2m space maintained.

I wouldn't visit my mum who is in a care home, and much as I love DS he is working in an environment where people are not maintaining the distancing but I would love for him to come round for a drink and chat in the garden.

TrickyD · 03/05/2020 16:22

Social bubble of ten or less Angry

FEWER

Cheeseismymiddlename · 03/05/2020 16:23

Can I ask do the bubbles have to be exclusive? I mean , I make contact with family and they don’t make contact with anyone not in our bubble? Otherwise by making contacting with one or two may actually be a chain of dozens? Where does it end?
I’m confused about the concept.

bettybattenburg · 03/05/2020 16:24

I do get that this would really help people who have been on their own and are lonely.

They are most likely to already have a bubble of less than 10.

Stellamboscha · 03/05/2020 16:25

Totally ridiculous idea! Whoever came is on glue. Can't think of z more divisive situation. I will see anyone I want to who wants to see me.

lyralalala · 03/05/2020 16:26

However, given that I saw a group yesterday, consisting of one adult and approximately ten kids of various ages, playing a ball game on a basketball court, it would appear that some people have already selected their ten.

At least one of the kids kept calling the adult 'mum' but I somehow doubt they were all from one household.

If by weird co-incidence that was in a small town near the England/Scotland border we are all from the one household. We were on a half basketball court though so just a random co-incidence I think

That plan wouldn't work for us at all. We're a household of 12 atm. Our 9 who live here and 3 who joined when schools closed. We have 1 at uni who is itching to visit/come home, but the journey isn't safe/doable. Also the 3 who've been here since the schools closed have a Mum who is working in ICU, but itching to see her kids and their Grandma who normally sees them every day.

We're currently trying to work out a plan for the kids to see their Mum, but in the way that puts us all at the least risk.

thedancingbear · 03/05/2020 16:30

It's a bollocks idea.

One of the first rules of law-making is that you don't pass laws that you've absolutely no prospect of policing or enforcing. They're pointless and undermine the validity of the laws that do work.

EmpressLangClegInChair · 03/05/2020 16:30

Can I ask do the bubbles have to be exclusive? I mean , I make contact with family and they don’t make contact with anyone not in our bubble?

Yes, it would have to be a closed group of 10 max - otherwise it wouldn't be worth doing.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 03/05/2020 16:36

Works for me - sister.

I suppose she might want to see her brother as well, and he is married.
Maybe her ex-MIL.
Neither of us will want to see our brother.

StatisticallyChallenged · 03/05/2020 16:38

@shinynewapple2020 that's basically our situation, dh has popped round with shopping but otherwise we've stayed away. I ended up in hospital last weekend so will need to give it another week or so anyway to make sure I'm OK but otherwise I'm exclusively wfh, dh business is closed so we're seeing nobody. And whilst mil is 70, she's got no underlying health conditions. See what Thursday brings...

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 16:39

The press have a lot to answer for, all this speculation and their headlines don't help, why start to guess what the government will do, the press should be waiting for official announcements as some people already think this is 100% happening. The headlines have said things like you can choose 10 friends or family to socialise with or something along those lines which is completely misleading.

Personally I thought the concept was pretty easy to understand but it clearly isn't as several posters on here have misunderstood so this shows if something like this is introduced it needs to be very carefully worded.

dogsdinnerlady · 03/05/2020 16:40

It hasn't happened yet and already people are arguing about it.