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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
Rosebel · 04/05/2020 14:28

I don't think people will follow the rules anyway or people will.bend them to fit the situation. Look at the amount of people on here in lockdown going can I still do this, can I do that? Not just on here either, loads of people breaking the rules.
Obviously lockdown has to be lifted at some point but I think people will just do as they want especially if they lift it a,day before the bank holiday

OJZJ · 04/05/2020 17:38

Lucky you! It had me in tears that if you could extend who you see in lockdown myself and my far more importantly my seven year old son would have.... no one! He has no aunts, no uncles, no cousins, no grandparents and as I adopted as a single parent no siblings or second parent
All our friends are lucky enough to have this so would obviously, automatically choose THEIR family to see leaving my seven year old as isolated as he is now and possibly damaging his long term mental health even further.

ddl1 · 04/05/2020 17:45

I don't think a specific number is enforceable. I think it's more that that there may be a period of time when social distancing is still required, but the ban on mixing households is somewhat relaxed, so that people can visit their parents again, for example.

FoodologistGirl · 04/05/2020 17:48

We’ve been doing this anyway it’s about being sensible. My MIL is extremely vulnerable and has dementia so need 24 hr care. We decided between our 2 families to full time care for her ourselves as we couldn’t expect a carer to not see their on family for 2 weeks at a time. Plus We’re all furloughed or WFH. We take it in turns to totally isolate with her for 2 weeks making sure to totally isolate 7-10 before we go in. It means we only have 3-4 days of freedom a month to do shopping etc. But it keeps her safe. We also order fresh food shopping while in. We started doing this weeks before lockdown otherwise I’m sure she would have caught it from the carers as they didn’t have masks and gloves back then. My sister in NZ where they’ve already doing the bubble says it works well. You just have to be sensible.

BunsyGirl · 04/05/2020 17:53

It will mean that my children can see their grandad who (up to now) they saw almost every day of their lives - he actually lived with us for 18 months when DS1 was a toddler and DS2 was a baby. There is no good reason for us not to see each other (none of us leave our homes apart from exercise) but he is scared of breaking the rules. We therefore need a rule change.

Poetryinaction · 04/05/2020 17:57

My extended family live far. There's no one near who particularly wan to see me.

Nsky · 04/05/2020 18:04

If only mine are in lincoln, italy and spain

Tomasinabombadil · 04/05/2020 18:21

I almost wish that I had the need to choose which family members that I could see or not.
I live on my own and don't have any family at all. Feeling a bit sad atm.Sad

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 04/05/2020 18:32

The bubble for us will be no different to lockdown...me, DH and 8DC - 10 people; job done!

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 04/05/2020 18:40

No wonder the police have said they won’t be able to enforce looser social distancing. He country is full of stupid, selfish idiots.

I wish Boris et al would just lay down the law and stop relying on all people to have an ounce of common sense. Starting to think Spain and France has the right ideas.

LovelyIssues · 04/05/2020 18:49

No one other then who you live with

LovelyIssues · 04/05/2020 18:50

@BunsyGirl there is a good reason not to see him. Grandparents are vulnerable. You stee only supposed to be with people who live in your home

Rosebel · 04/05/2020 18:51

Well it sounds like lockdown is continuing in Scotland for now so wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the UK follow.

LovelyIssues · 04/05/2020 18:53

@Home42 it's hard for everyone. But you and your kids will be at ok. It's not a punishment. You're at home and safe , you are lucky. Protect your parents and protect the NHS . STAY AWAY

BunsyGirl · 04/05/2020 18:59

@lovelyissues All grandparents are vulnerable are they?!!! Every single one of them? Even the ones in their 40’s and 50’s?!!!

BunsyGirl · 04/05/2020 19:07

@lovelyissues...you didn’t even bother to read my post. None of us mix with anyone else. We haven’t left our homes apart from exercise since before lockdown. Our only risk of putting pressure on the NHS is due to our mental health which is deteriorating by the day. You have become so fixated with not getting the virus that you can’t see the wood from the trees.

LovelyIssues · 04/05/2020 19:12

I have read your post. You want the rules changed so your DC can see their Grandson and you think there is no good reason you cannot see each other. Confused you're baffling.

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 04/05/2020 20:33

Id love the Canadian idea, 2 households, I'm terrified for when DP goes back to work after paternity and i have 2 under 2 if i can't have any external assitance AND can't leave the house for more than one walk a day

Mascotte · 04/05/2020 21:00

@Bubblesbubblesmybubbles unless you're in Wales there's no once a day exercise rule.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 04/05/2020 21:14

In Australia here. Rule is two people with children visiting two people. No dilemma

MacBlank · 04/05/2020 22:10

It's called alternative weekends, or months... Whatever your time period.

Same with Easter, new year's, crumbs etc.. each one alternatively.

I think you're making a fuss over nothing, and something some people don't get the opportunity to have a dilemma! Some people never had kids, or kids that don't want, didn't have, or can't have kids (grand kids).

So long as you treat each the same, it's not even an issue or something to make a fuss over.

No favourites... Simples.

Of.coursemif.you love a lot closer to one than the other you may see them more, but so long as none are TREATED differently, it won't cause a problem.

Don't go spending loads on one family n nothing on the other.

Rainbow · 04/05/2020 22:55

Feel your pain. I want to see my DParents, DSis etc
Me plus 4DS = 5
DSis BIL 2DN = 4
DN, DP, DGN = 3
Dsis = 1

Lovely13 · 04/05/2020 23:00

Well that bubble wasn’t working in our local park yesterday. Unless you include the bubble of smoke coming off all the weed-smoking, non-distancing parties. And they weren’t young!

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 07:07

@Mascotte I don't understand your comment. The government website very clearly states you can leave the house fro one form of exercise a day (running, walking, cycling). You can twist that into something else if you try but it does say once a day which is why the other poster has said that.

Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 07:17

I think the policy makers should read this thread and see it won’t work.

As a single person who is is really feeling the loneliness I am a bit taken aback by how many people want more than ten in their bubble, with four or five households.

They have clearly totally missed the point, and therefore the policy should be two households only. People are too greedy for ten people, it gives then the impression they can hope between multiple households.