AIBU to say I'm doing nothing now, for DH and Step Kids

[BeeBonet]

Basically I'm a skivvy.

I've been furloughed and this means I'm doing everything, although I was doing everything before anyway so it's made no difference apart from given H even more of an excuse to leave it all to be.

The thing that really boils my piss though is that I also do practically everything for his kids when they are here too. I've been looking after them in the day whilst he's been working, I make their meals, wash their clothes, get them washed and teeth brushed etc, do all the shopping, I'm the only one who actually does anything remotely fun with them. They often tell me I'm more fun than him which I find really sad tbh.

I've just been to do a big grocery shop and got home with a mountain of bags to unpack. I got to the door and shouted in 'can you come help you with these please'. He moodily came and helped me unpack and when I asked what the problem was he sarcastically said 'nothing, not like I was enjoying a nap after working all week or anything'.

He's literally sat on his arse all day, I've taken the kids out on a walk, I've been shop, I've made us all dinner, I've washed up etc... Whilst he's been sat there watching TV because he's been working all week. His kids even asked him to come on a walk with us but he wouldn't because he was tired. He literally never does anything with them so I do in order to try and make their time here fun.

I've just blown up after he said 'its alright you just enjoy your whole week off next week' and I've said thats it.

I'm not doing anything for him now. I was helping with his business in the week (so not sat doing nothing) but I'm not doing that now. I was having his kids in the day whilst he worked but that's not happening either.

I've said he can sort tea out himself and do something for his own kids for once and I'm now sat upstairs raging.

I feel bad because ultimately it's the kids that will suffer but I refuse to pick up his slack with his own kids anymore. AIBU to stop everything so he actually fucking realises what I do for him and his children?

He thinks because he's working and I'm not right n that it excuses him doing absolutely nothing. Even helping me put some shopping away. And as I said, I did it all before even when I was working full time. Apparently that was because he worked more hours than me.

I've just had enough. I was taking his kids to school on his days so it wouldn't affect his work, making their packed lunches in the evening because he was too tired etc.. I honestly feel like never doing anything like that again.

I think you do right. He's so used to everything been done for him that he thinks it's just normal
Now.
Time for him to step up.
If your going to do it though you need to stand firm. No giving in.
Don't be hard on the kids but direct them to the dad if they need anything. X

It speaks volumes that it's me they come to when they want anything doesn't it.

It's always Bee, I'm hungry. Bee, what's for tea. Bee, can I play this? Bee, can we go here? etc...

Agree with others. Go somewhere if you can. And leave him to it. If he’s adamant you do nothing anyway....

Don't be hard on the kids

I wouldn't ever. And tbh I think this is the part that's going to make it the hardest to stick too because I end up just wanting them to have a nice time and breaking because it's not their fault.

Leave him to it. It's for their sake too, so they can actually spend time with their dad, and not have him force them off on his convenient nanny/babysitter/cleaner/maid/chef.

YouJustDoYou your username is very apt

I might just go down and make my own tea. Is that too petty? 😂

Parents are having this argument even when both kids are theirs. It really is not fair when the work falls on one parent, while the other blithely does their own thing. The deal should be shared parenting, you may need to write out a list of chores rather than expect him to guess what to do.

Is this your third thread about this?

Is this your third thread about this?

No? Maybe there's just more than one useless husband about this evening.

Thing is, those kids have a right to their actual parent's time. And he has a responsibility to them, that he should not be abdicating to you. He is the one with the parental responsibilities, and that doesn't change whether he is working or not working, nor whether you are working or not working.

* I might just go down and make my own tea*

I’d make mine and the children’s but not his

I’d make mine and the children’s

But this is exactly the problem. I'm the one who yet again has to make tea for the kids because he cba. I want him to do it for them for once.

He won't leave them hungry. He'll huff about it but he'll do it.

Seriously leave him to it. If the kids ask just say things like ‘oh don’t worry you’re dad will sort it’, or ‘ask your dad’.
I’d get myself nice and comfy in bed with a film to watch for the night, he can sort the kids out.

I'd text him and tell him that I will be fixing food for myself tonight, and he needs to sort himself and the kids out. Because otherwise he's just going to assume you'll do it, and they'll go hungry.

Maybe I'll order myself a pizza to eat in bed whilst watching a film

I told him already when I stormed off upstairs. Said you can't sort your kids out for once.

I agree with @Sodamncold. Make dinner for yourself and dc and leave him to it.

I had to go on strike once with dh. Tbf, it did the trick because when I stopped doing everything, and he had to do all his own food, washing, kids food, kids uniforms, sorting out pets etc, he realised how much I actually do. I think he was just oblivious to how hard and time consuming it is. He’s much better now but would still revert back to his old self if I let him!

He needs to step up massively and look after him own children.

After your recent update, sold it. Order pizza for yourself and watch a movie in bed

He'll huff about feeding his own children? Wow, what a man?
Why do you feel you've accepted the role of nanny come skivvy so easily?
Do you believe you'll stick to your guns about leaving him to it, or give in pretty quickly because of the atmosphere he'll create and the badgering he'll encourage the kids to do to make you feel guilty?

*sod it

Tbh I think me just going and making tea for the DC is going against the point I'm trying to make which is that I want him to start looking after his own children.

How long was he on his own before you moved in together? Has he ever had to parent his kids himself?

You’re right to be raging and you’ve done the right thing getting it out instead of silently seething.

I know what you’re saying
But the children in this scenario shouldn’t suffer.

So if they were mine - I know that I couldn’t not cook for them if i was cooking for myself. I know he might rustle up something - but if they are hungry, no way would I not cook if I’m cooking for myself.
As for him - he can do whatever
Or if you don’t want to cook, get a pizza for you and them.

You seem to be having a close loving relationship with the children. I would see that as an entirely separate entity to the problems with your other half.
If you have always done this, then unfair to just... stop. On them. Not on the twat.