To think that 12 yr old DS should join in family pizza-and-film evening?

[Watchagotcha]

We don’t do this often, but since it’s Friday and our local pizza place reopened this week, DH and I thought we’d have a pizza-and-film night. DS 9yrs is up for it. DS 12yrs is not. He’s fine with the pizza but doesn’t want to watch the film. It’s a family friendly comedy, sequel to one he’s already enjoyed (though he said he thought it was meh). He would rather go and watch anime on his iPad, or play Minecraft with a friend that he often games with in the evening.

So whaddya reckon Mumsnet?

YABU Let him have his pizza then watch / do something else?

YANBU make him stay and join in the family “fun” ?

I'd be happy with him staying to eat the pizza and chat for a bit. If the film really isn't his thing I'd let him go play Minecraft. I find it so boring and a waste of an evening sitting watching a film I really have no interest in.

Let the kid play with his friend

10 yr old DS would rather game with his mates too. He'd only talk/moan through the film so I'd let him personally.

We stick the film on whilst eating the pizza and anyone not into it after that can leave. Don't see the issue.

Why make him? Enforced fun is not fun.

Can you not do something else as a family like a board game and then let him head off to his room while you watch the movie with the other son?

You are having a "treat" evening - don't turn it into a punishment for your child. Let him have his own fun evening.

Well it's not fun if you don't want to do it. I think right now, keeping in touch with friends is really important and more so than family time which is 24/7!

I resented my parents beyond measure for forcing me to join in Family Fun at that age. Don't do it!

I have 6 DC between 20 and 13. I used to get worked up when they went through the phase of not wanting to spend time with us, but rather than argue, we let them go upstairs and play xbox or whatever they got up to, and now the older ones come down and spend time with us because they want to. I don't think this would be the case of we hadn't let them have their space when they needed it in their early teens.

yeah I'd let him go and game after dinner tbh

Forced fun = the least fun ever. Let him join you for pizza then go and play Minecraft

Enjoy the pizza together. Laugh uproariously at the movie. See if he joins you. It's kind of how things go as they grow, but it makes it all the nicer when they do choose to spend the time with you.

If this is supposed to be family time then fine make him stay, but why not play a game or do an activity that isn’t screen based?

DS2 (10) would always want to play with his friend(s). I also would let him join in the pizza but not force him to watch the film.

Just the pizza sounds fine.

The time during the pizza will be the time you chat together

Him not being sat silently with the rest of you won't take anything away from the pizza family time

Let him have his fun

Board games or family activities are just as bad as a forced movie at that age. Let him be.

That said, it should be a reward for the week, so being involved in family chores and having done your school work before hand is a must.

Kids want and need their own space, it's hard enough during lockdown!

Ok ok I hear you IABU! Though the results are far less unanimous than the comments.,.

He will be allowed to go off and game rather than endure the film. I’ll tell him Mumsnet says that it’s ok :-)

At 12 I'd shout him when the pizza is ready and let him go back to doing whatever he wants when he's eaten it.

I don't see the point in forcing tweens to spend time with their family, it just causes more resentment for family time, which is meant to be fun, better to let this one go and let him pick next weeks family time activity.

As a compromise, is there another film that he/you could choose that he'd prefer to watch?

Can't you find a film he wants to watch as well?

Hmm I don't know. If ours have been gaming all day with their mates then we do have some evenings where we tell them they need to do something else for a bit. Not necessarily as a 'family' but it can be board game, reading, watching a film, craft whatever. Depends what he's been doing all day imo.

I’d let him go and do his own thing after eating with you all. He’s growing up I’m afraid, teenagers rarely ever leave their room.

What's the point of forcing someone to do something they don't want to do? He won't enjoy it, you'll have to put up with him not enjoying it.

Just seems a lose-lose situation. He's 12, not 5. Let him opt out if he wants to.