To think that 12 yr old DS should join in family pizza-and-film evening?

[Watchagotcha]

We don’t do this often, but since it’s Friday and our local pizza place reopened this week, DH and I thought we’d have a pizza-and-film night. DS 9yrs is up for it. DS 12yrs is not. He’s fine with the pizza but doesn’t want to watch the film. It’s a family friendly comedy, sequel to one he’s already enjoyed (though he said he thought it was meh). He would rather go and watch anime on his iPad, or play Minecraft with a friend that he often games with in the evening.

So whaddya reckon Mumsnet?

YABU Let him have his pizza then watch / do something else?

YANBU make him stay and join in the family “fun” ?

We've been doing quiz nights over Skype with family and they all love that. Could you maybe play with some other ideas other than a film he's not really bothered about?

I completely disagree, one evening sat watching a film together is not torture, it's good to spend time as a family even if it's watching a film. We've always taken turns to choose films, it's a lesson in life.

Pick a film he wants to watch as well, if you want hm to join you.

Why force someone to watch a film they don't enjoy for the sake of "family time"?

I can't bear sitting through a film I don't like. That's most films. I would not have a problem with this - why not let him wear headphones so he can sit in the room with you?

I agree MrsRobinson. I don't like this idea that kids can just sit in bed on games all day from about 10 onwards it seems on here.

Maybe when they are 15 but not 12.

Enforced fun is not fun.

I have to remind DH of this often at the moment - DS14 does not always enjoy us, our company, our conversation and our evenings in the garden with a bottle of wine. He also does not enjoy watching every Avengers film with DS9 and DH. And that's fine; when he wants to chat, he chats, when he's in the mood for a game, we play Monopoly or a 73 hour game of Risk that I do not understand at all, we still do things together but forcing the fun removes the fun every time.

My 12 year old isn't interested in family films either. Unless it involves the cinema and sweets.

I'd make him if I'm honest but I'd get him to pick whatever movie he wanted. Obviously if this clashed with something important he wanted to do then I'd say it was fine but if it's the same gaming as he does every night then it won't kill him to spend time with his family.

I think it's really important to keep connected.

At the moment (during lockdown) we watch a movie every night and we rotate who picks... so we all have to endure daddy's Sci-fi movie, my 1980s classics, DD9's Disney/ Pixar and DD13's random. Normally I wouldn't watch these movies but I've appreciated getting closer as a family by doing this.

It's one night. He can do his own thing every other night. If he was 15 it'd be different but he is still young enough to be fine watching a film with family. Maybe tell him he can pick the film next week?

God if you let a teenager get away with saying no to every family thing you'd never see them! I don't think its unreasonable to ask your child to spend time with family and actually in my experience they generally enjoy more stuff that they like to admit.

During lockdown I wouldn’t force it with a 12 year old. It’s family time 23 hours a day ATM.

I think that's pretty normal for his age OP.

Brace yourself, you're only a year or so away from this:

one evening sat watching a film together is not torture, it's good to spend time as a family even if it's watching a film.

it's hardly "family time" though, and a screen is a screen.

I hate videos games, they are usually pretty much banned from my house, but during the lockdown, I had to acknowledge that they are the only way for my kids to keep in touch with their own friends.

No need to punish kids by forcing them in front of a screen with you. Could you imagine your DH doing the same with you, forcing you to have "quality time" when he just wants to watch tv?

Put the film on while you are eating and see what happens. He might decide to stay and watch it.
If you force him he'll probably just ruin it for the rest of you anyway.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. He’s only 12 and they grow up so quickly anyway; I’d say sorry kiddo tonight is family night and that means all the family. He can play with friend tomorrow. If he won’t sit and watch a movie with the family at 12; he defo wont want to at 15 so I’d hold onto it as long as possible. Xx

in my experience they generally enjoy more stuff that they like to admit

Agreed, we played a game the other night that DC10 turned their nose up at. Gave it 10 mins and he was having a great time! If you'd have asked him before hand he'd have said he'd wanted to go play Minecraft instead.

YABU. There's no fun in being forced into it.

I think people need to learn that sometimes they need to do things for other people if they want to be part of the group/family and not just wander off when it's not something they want. I've seen too many people who want others to do something they would like to do but aren't prepared to offer the same in return. So I would say it's a family night - next time you choose the film or thing to do and we'll suck it up

Put the film on while you are eating and see what happens. He might decide to stay and watch it.

that.

The time to have "family time" and family activities is during the day - not when you all want to chill out. Find family things to do together this weekend instead.

My eldest is 18 and I still insist on family time. As a family you need to carve out some time together. I also insist on daily family walks during lockdown. Everyone needs fresh air and a good chat with mummy

We tried that and it went down like a lead balloon with our teens and pre teens and switched to SAS celebrity, and hey presto everyone loved it. Not saying your ds will be happy with this, but sometimes the things that worked just a few months ago no longer apply. Its hard keeping up!

Time with their friends is very important too, and perhaps more right now than connecting with you, given how much time he is with the family already. I know my children seem at their happiest at the moment when chatting to friends. It is very reassuring and good for them to be back in touch with life outside. Far more value to that than the film I would say.

Time with their friends is very important too, and perhaps more right now than connecting with you, given how much time he is with the family already

To me that would depend if he's been sat in his room talking to his friends all day/week.

I think people need to learn that sometimes they need to do things for other people if they want to be part of the group/family

true, but watching stuff on tv is hardly it!
Much better finding a project of some kind for the day, even if it's just cooking together or doing chores that need to be done. Nothing more boring than being forced to watch tv.

I'll remember that next time my kids want to drag me to the cinema to see the latest shite kids film

We often have that problem with our 12 yr old. We eat pizza whist watching a film. And usually by the time we've done pizza and pud he can't be bothered to go up and watches the rest of the film