To think that 12 yr old DS should join in family pizza-and-film evening?

[Watchagotcha]

We don’t do this often, but since it’s Friday and our local pizza place reopened this week, DH and I thought we’d have a pizza-and-film night. DS 9yrs is up for it. DS 12yrs is not. He’s fine with the pizza but doesn’t want to watch the film. It’s a family friendly comedy, sequel to one he’s already enjoyed (though he said he thought it was meh). He would rather go and watch anime on his iPad, or play Minecraft with a friend that he often games with in the evening.

So whaddya reckon Mumsnet?

YABU Let him have his pizza then watch / do something else?

YANBU make him stay and join in the family “fun” ?

Mine are 16 and 13 now and at the moment we're all watching 80's horror movies together.

No just No. Awful things.😵

I have 2 DS 15 and 17 and we still have movie nights - maybe once every 3 weeks. They sometimes take a bit of convincing (especially the eldest) but they always enjoy it once the popcorn is out and it's dark and cozy. It's one of my favourite things. Tonight is the new Netflix film with chris Hemsworth - mutual choice I'd say make him - he might actually enjoy it and still be doing it when he's 17 xx

I instigated compulsory family film night once a week at the start of lock down. My teens complained and rolled their eyes, but I provided chocolate and let them chose the film - has to be suitable for the preteen too. I’m sure they moan to one another about it behind my back, but actually the two teens are getting on better than they have done for years so I don’t know. Something’s working out okay.

I don't really get how watching a film together is family time tbh.

Wouldn't it be better to be chatting over the pizza?

When I was younger (though admittedly a bit older than your DS, 15 or so), when my mum grounded me she would make me stay in the living room with my parents and brother as punishment. She knew that being sent to my room with all of my stuff was what I wanted

As others have said, forced family fun is not fun.

Of course it’s family time, having a laugh together if there’s a funny bit, talking about the film after, sharing snacks, getting cozy on the couch.

Also triggers chats. After instant family dd declared she was going to adopt 3 kids. She came down the next day to confirm she had changed her mind and was only going to adopt 1 😁

You can’t force it. If you find the right film it works a 3 line whip for “fun” rarely does!

DS1 never wants to watch films with us, but we usually make him watch the first half hour and he almost always stays for the rest. We don't let him game after tea anyway, though he is allowed to phone/text/WhatsApp his friends.

It's not my idea of fun either if I'm honest.

I'm afraid when it's pizza and a film night you don't get pizza without the film

I really can’t see the point in weird punishments like this. It’s the kind of pointless thing parents put in place which kids remember forever.

It's not a punishment! I don't mean one person is excluded from the food, but if we don't all agree to have a movie night we don't order take away - that's entirely up to us. I'm sure soon enough there'll be more interesting things he'll want to do, but so far having some time to relax together once a week/fortnight is worth persevering with. IMO.

Sounds like a punishment to me - if one person doesn't want to watch the film no one gets takeaway.

I’m really surprised at the range of opinions on this one. My DS13 isn’t keen on family films so I ask he finds a shortlist of three and DD9 chooses one, or vice versa. It’s not a perfect system but a compromise. He spends loads of time talking to friends on Minecraft so a couple of hours with us on a film won’t kill him. I watched Stranger Things when DD was in bed which annoyed DH for three weeks as it wasn’t his thing at all. You can please some of the people some of the time....

Modern Family just been loaded onto Netflix. One of the few programs we watch as a family that everyone enjoys.

I'm afraid when it's pizza and a film night you don't get pizza without the film

How weird and controlling.

The kid spent all day doing schoolwork? MN is full of parents coming on here struggling to get their kids to even do 5 minutes of schoolwork at home.
God I'd be letting him get pissed in his room at the moment
ok poor joke but you get the point.

You WILL HAVE FAMILY FUN errr no

He is at an age where his family rarely have anything of interest to say and boring to be around and his friends are far more interesting

It’s part of his growing up and becoming his own person

Just let him have the pizza and get on with things

Whats the film?

I will never forget one of my mum’s lines to a sibling who wanted to get out of the swimming pool: “You’re not getting out until you’ve started enjoying yourself”.

I'm afraid when it's pizza and a film night you don't get pizza without the film

Wow, controlling much
I would have eaten the pizza and then forced myself to sleep in first 15 min of the movie

forced family 'fun' is not fun at all

if we don't all agree to have a movie night we don't order take away - that's entirely up to us

I hadn't realised when people talked about pizza they were talking about takeaway, when we have pizza at home we just buy it from the supermarket so we don't consider it a "treat" just a lazy dinner option.

*I'm afraid when it's pizza and a film night you don't get pizza without the film

So you eat the pizza, watch the opening credits of the film and disappear.

I dont see why they cant spend 2 hrs a week with their family eating pizza and watching a movie

I send DH and DS to the cinema to watch films, I don't go with them. Films are boring and take up too much time. At least going to the cinema makes it a bit of an event, I can't see the point of watching them at home.

But we can't go the cinema I hear you cry. Yes I know - so do something else, but don't force the whole family to do the same thing. My husband has spent lockdown watching the entire box set of Not Going Out but I would have no inclination to watch it again.

In future I will leave him to play Fortnite for the zillionth hour that day and not spend a couple of hours with all of us in the same room, having a laugh and eating Domino's.

I'm afraid when it's pizza and a film night you don't get pizza without the film

That's just bizarre. Watching a movie is hardly spending quality time together

Eating pizza together and chatting yes, but I'm baffled by people who class watching a film as family time when it's probably the least sociable activity going