To think that 12 yr old DS should join in family pizza-and-film evening?

[Watchagotcha]

We don’t do this often, but since it’s Friday and our local pizza place reopened this week, DH and I thought we’d have a pizza-and-film night. DS 9yrs is up for it. DS 12yrs is not. He’s fine with the pizza but doesn’t want to watch the film. It’s a family friendly comedy, sequel to one he’s already enjoyed (though he said he thought it was meh). He would rather go and watch anime on his iPad, or play Minecraft with a friend that he often games with in the evening.

So whaddya reckon Mumsnet?

YABU Let him have his pizza then watch / do something else?

YANBU make him stay and join in the family “fun” ?

This has brought back memories of my mother forcing us to have family time while playing a board game. To this day I hate all board games because of that It really made me resent her to be honest. I hate enforced fun.

However, maybe suggest that he gets to pick the film next time. I know that I get bored watching films I am not interested in and end up picking up my phone. One family thing we did that was fun was a VR game where you had to disarm a bomb by someone else giving you the instructions based on what you told them you saw. Was a good way of testing communication skills

If you are requiring your child to do something you know they don't enjoy on the basis that is fun, then that is a bit odd (though there is a huge range of board games - and other games - so likely it is possible to find something that people enjoy), but that isn't what is happening here. She is not asking him to do something that he won't enjoy (she is reasonably confident that he will enjoy the film), he would just prefer to play Minecraft with his friends. I also don't recognise all these preteens who hate spending time with their families. I am sure there are some, but surely not most children that age. Certainly the ones I know generally want to do things with their families. Again, the OP is not suggesting that her son does dislike spending time with his family, just that he would prefer to play Minecraft that evening. Finally, watching a film really can be a lovely bonding activity - share reactions, talking about it etc.

I am not saying that the OP shouldn't let him play Minecraft with his friends (perhaps he hasn't had a chance to do that for ages), but I am finding it really odd that so many people think that parents shouldn't expect there children to take part in family activities (hopefully fun!) in whatever form those parents think might work for their family, even if a child doesn't seem massively keen on the idea.

Silkenworm How is the OP reasonably confident that he'll enjoy the film? She said he enjoyed the first film but then says that he thought it was "Meh" then later said that he's never enjoyed films.

She said that he reasonably enjoyed the first in the series (he probably did, he would just prefer to play Minecraft, which is fine as a prefernce). I missed the bit where OP said that he didn't enjoy films (sorry). In that case it might be an odd choice of activity, though still reasonable to ask your kids to participate if they are merely not his favourite thing, rather than something he actively struggles with.

I’ve frequently had to cajole my DC into watching something which they don’t think sounds fun, rather than bugger off to their room to play Minecraft which they know they’ll enjoy, because I know my children very very well indeed, for literally their entire life in fact, and am justifiably confident that the 1970s film or TV show they’ve never heard of will be exactly their cup of tea. Doesn’t sound like the OP is in exactly that situation, but it is something that happens.

Ouf - thank you for all the responses! It’s interesting that the votes have consistently been 2:1 that IABU :-) so a clear majority, but not completely clear cut.

We had pizza (delicious) in front of the telly (a treat in itself) and DS12 watched and enjoyed the film: he said it was funnier than the first one ;-) so we didn’t have to force him at all. In fact once this one was finished, he suggested we watch another!

We never do «family» anything usually - other than spending all day, every day together :-/ . I’d been talking to a good friend yesterday afternoon who does the whole family game / film / crafting / singing thing... but she has one very easy-going daughter rather than two game-mad boys! That’s probably what spurred me to propose «family film night». Usually we scatter to our own corners / devices btw 3-6:30pm. We always eat together, and watch telly after dinner / before bed.

Ps for closure, the film was..., Jumanji: The Next Level ;-)

Don't forget there's the original Robin Williams one to watch too
My jumanji-enjoying ds lived the MIB series of films, if you want to subject yourself to it again!

He's 12 years old. He should do as he's told and needs to learn to compromise and develop his social skills through joining in a family evening.

I'm really baffled that anyone would think it's ok for him to do what he likes.

Thanks for the update OP. You did the right thing!!!!!!!!

Glad it worked out for you op.

My DS would always do absolutely any kind of "family time" activity except watch a film. He never found that fun and even now, in his 20s, he will still rather do anything than that.

YANBU OP.

My teen DSs would choose gaming over everything for a few years and given a chance opt out of everything for this.

They have plenty of time gaming, so expecting an evening a week away from it doing a joint family activity is good for them IMO.

And a film is shared activity: you form shared stories, knowledge, interests, humour, and references from watching things together. It can be really positive.

My family have tried to get me to watch James Bond films on occasion. It genuinely is not fun for me. The films do not interest me. I'd rather do the washing up TBH. I think you need to be careful about dismissing his views about what is fun. If you're going to make him watch a film, shouldn't he at least choose it?

It seems to be quite a modern thing, families having 'arranged fun' (cant think of a better phrase, sorry that sounds a bit )

When I was growing up we all just floated about the house and did our thing, popped in on each other when we wanted to and just came and went really. I dont ever remember my parents getting us all together for a movie night or anything.

I also think parents forget what it was like to be a teenager! I spent the vast majority of time at home in my room talking to people on MSN (guess my age) and texting, reading magazines and badly straightening my hair. I probably grew out of it when I was about 17 but it's a normal thing in my view, not a punishable behaviour.

Its lovely you want to get the family together but I would be inclined to let him do what he wants, as pp said forced fun isnt fun. He will grow out of it!

Organised fun. Eek.

It is not forced fun, it is doing an activity that hopefully is fun.

It not a popular pov but I personally think many parents have just released the flood gates and allowed their kids to be screen obsessed. That's it. It's 90% or more of what their kids do in the house. The result being kids (and I don't classify a 12 yr old as a teenager) are antisocial and at loss for what else to do.

It's not forced family fun if it's just par for the course to do a variety of activities together as a family and perfectly reasonable imo to teach your kids that time with real people trumps video games.

Yes. Put those video games away and come and sit together and stare at a screen

@Celerysam - I agree a 12-year-old should do as he's told when it comes to doing homework, chores, behaving nicely to others etc, but don't you pick your battles sometimes? If my teen doesn't want to watch a family film he's allowed to go and do something else. Film night should be relaxed and fun, not a duty.

activities together as a family

Watching telly 🤷‍♀️

My husband suggested we played Monopoly tonight, both children rolled their eyes but we thought we'd play anyway (without them). Set it up, rolled the dice and suddenly they both decide to play. No idea,why. Probably the thought of us doing something without them. Enjoyed it but made bedtime a bit late, as,they only went up 20 minutes ago.
If we had forced them to join they would have sulked so leaving it up to them was as much for our benefit as theirs.

That’s the problem with monopoly so loooooong we all lose interest. We had several great games of Articulate which our 11 and 13 year old really enjoy.