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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A.i.b.u to think , fuck it to school work now?

264 replies

DollyPartons · 30/04/2020 11:24

Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. Started lockdown set homework but as times gone on like pulling teeth to get her to do any. Doesn't take to bribery or jossling. I've tried , a lot. She's just below average, I'm terrified this will plunder more but with no communication from school she's just not bothered . The school have not given guidelines to parents to get them to do the work , no expectations, schools out for summer early?

OP posts:
Jeezoh · 30/04/2020 11:26

That’s a terrible idea, she’s very close to her GCSE year. It’s your job at the moment to make sure she does it and believe me, I now how hard that is!

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 30/04/2020 11:29

It's crap that the school isn't offering support but there are lots of things out there and year 9 is a really bad time to slack off imo.

Could you afford to sign up for some online tutoring to help her along?
Or check out the oak academy resources alongside BBC bitesize.

ADreamOfGood · 30/04/2020 11:29

By Y9, I think it's a reasonable expectation that a pupil can read what has been set, and get on with it themselves. Why would parents need guidance on how to get them to do it? They're 14yo! Their grandparents would have been leaving school and getting jobs at their age in many cases.

OnTheMoors · 30/04/2020 11:53

Our school is setting one or two subjext tasks a day. That's achievable for my ADHD year 9 who spends a lot of time getting out of his chair/dripping things on the floor/ eating /drinking etc. He is very avoidant of work but we are managing something every day.

MintyMabel · 30/04/2020 11:54

If the school aren’t offering support (and many aren’t) I can only imagine the GCSEs will also be taking the lack of education in to account.

If she doesn’t want to do it, you can’t make her. She’s old enough to know the consequences of not studying. All you can do is advise and let her make her decisions.

Frlrlrubert · 30/04/2020 11:57

What do you mean by 'no communication from school'? They've obviously set the work. Do you mean that they haven't done anything else and work does not have to be submitted and nothing will be marked? No mark schemes to check her work? No deadlines or quizzes to complete?

Contact the school to make sure this is correct - most are doing more.

If that is the case, you'll need to take it into your own hands or she probably will be further behind when they go back.

She may have started some of her GCSEs already (ours do) so I would focus on those, work out (or ask the school) what work she should have covered for those and use BBC Bitesize to make sure she's up to date and up to scratch with that content ready to go into y10.

Good luck Daffodil

FrippEnos · 30/04/2020 11:58

Have you contacted the school?

tttigress · 30/04/2020 11:58

Seems like a lot of people are using "yeah but Covid" as a catch all excuse for all sorts of things right now.

This includes both teachers and pupils.

Maybe you could find out what her weakest points are, and work on those?

spongebunnyfatpants · 30/04/2020 12:04

She needs to do it, it's not optional.
She's 14 and perfectly capable of doing it, school shouldn't have to tell you how to get her to work.
Set out ground rules and boundaries, make sure she has a routine. Start at the same time every day, ensure she has regular breaks.
Set achievable targets for her to complete every day and if she doesn't do it then make sure there are consequences.
If you let her get away with this imagine how much more she'll try get away with in the future.

Snowdown24 · 30/04/2020 12:06

To be honest this is a time for parenting, I know it’s hard but you have to keep on and on at her.

She should easily be managing school tasks, she is year 9.

What’s her plans if she has bad grades?

CoronaMoaner · 30/04/2020 12:07

I voted YANBU because I thought she was 9.
Year 9? Yeah you have to try other ways of making her do it... back to rewards versus consequences?
I know it’s boring and tiring and no one wants to be the nag, but it is (unfortunately) part of the job.

ConnieDoodle · 30/04/2020 12:07

If she doesn’t want to do it, you can’t make her.

Thats a really poor attitude to take with parenting.

Op, you said theres no communication from school. Does that mean she hasnt any work to do?

ScrapThatThen · 30/04/2020 12:09

Two pronged attack. Ask school if they can support by getting her to check in with them. Persist with getting her up and working firm and supportive because you care about her and you care about her future. She is exactly the sort of pupil who will fall behind. However, I would negotiate some compromise, like starting later if she wants, or using the BBC red button teaching at times. Remember by bothering about her you are teaching her to bother about herself.

Umnoway · 30/04/2020 12:09

It’s not optional and as a below average student, she needs to work even harder to keep up. Take electronics away from her if she doesn’t do it.

TheRealSlamShady · 30/04/2020 12:10

Not an option for my Year9 no matter how much they moan! 1/2 hours every week day, it's non-negotiable in our house.

RuthW · 30/04/2020 12:10

By yr9 she shouldn't need any input from you. Let her get on with it, but ut is your responsibility to make sure there is no access to tv or internet until school work is done.

bookmum08 · 30/04/2020 12:11

ADreamOfGood that's one of the problems with modern education. Many 14 year olds would actually rather be out there having a job and getting on with life than faffing around with school work that they have zero interest in.

ScottishStottie · 30/04/2020 12:13

This sort of thing just shows how we have developed an attitude that education is not the responsibility of the parent any more.

Schools and teachers provide the education in terms of teaching things. This should have always have been reinforced by parenting and educating at home. And more so now than ever.

But people have developed the attitude that this aspect of parenting is not their job.

enoughofthebullshit · 30/04/2020 12:15

My DH is a secondary teacher, he's at his home desk from 9 until 4 everyday setting work and available for students to email him for advice if they need help. He is marking their work. He can't force the ones who don't want to work to do the work in the current situation. I'd be surprised if you DD school isn't doing something similar, most people I know at work whose kids go to different secondary schools have similar set ups.

TheOrigBrave · 30/04/2020 12:18

Schools and teachers provide the education in terms of teaching things. This should have always have been reinforced by parenting and educating at home. And more so now than ever.

Righto then. How to I reconcile that with my full time job which, you know...provides a roof over our heads and food on the table?

I have read many things which say the education can be made up (it might take longer for some than others), and mental health of the whole family is more important.

enoughofthebullshit · 30/04/2020 12:18

What guidelines do you expect the school to give you in how to make your child work?!! Each child is an individual. Teachers have to deal with all of these individuals differently.. you're the parent.. you should know what works to motivate your kid!

ADreamOfGood · 30/04/2020 12:20

@bookmum08 yes? Well I don't want employees that "can't be arsed at the best of times", and I don't imagine many other employers would either.

Cloudhopping · 30/04/2020 12:21

My dd is year 9 and is very much having to get on with the work herself as I’m working from home 4 days a week in a busy job. We are not a particularly strict family but my dh is making the dc’s write a report at the end of the day on what they’ve been doing. Phones also go off between 9 and 3. Yes they moan and try to negotiate but I’m trying to stand firm (I’m normally a pushover). I don’t think it’s fair on a child to let them do whatever they want, they don’t have the capacity to know what’s good for them at this age.

ConnieDoodle · 30/04/2020 12:22

I have read many things which say the education can be made up (it might take longer for some than others), and mental health of the whole family is more important.. Those many things weren't facebook memes by any chance, were they?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/04/2020 12:25

It’s parenting, you don’t just get to choose the nice and fluffy bits, she may not like it, but there is a lot of things in life no one likes doing.

Punish if her homework is not done.