A.i.b.u to think , fuck it to school work now?

[DollyPartons]

Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. Started lockdown set homework but as times gone on like pulling teeth to get her to do any. Doesn't take to bribery or jossling. I've tried , a lot. She's just below average, I'm terrified this will plunder more but with no communication from school she's just not bothered . The school have not given guidelines to parents to get them to do the work , no expectations, schools out for summer early?

I believe I am "fatigued" as Boris and his crew were putting it, of the lockdown measures with regards to homeschooling that nobody really instructed me to do.

She is a good kid i.She is not massively rebellious or trouble to us. I want to keep it that way.
I think the school relationship is crucial in this, as it's not my role to teach her. I'm her mother. I have boundaries, I'm firm. She would fall out with me because that's what teenage girls do. She would not fall out with a teacher. Where are they?

OP you have my complete sympathy. I too have a year 9 child. My ds is 14 and hates school at the best of times. It's all very well op saying it's not an option not to do the work, it's up to us as parents etc to make them do it, not an option to quit etc BUT until you have a teen who is refusing to do the work and has zero inclination to do the work then you have no idea how stressful it is. We were doing ok(ish) until Easter half term, then it all went down hill from there. Ds has no interest in the work and I have tried EVERYTHING to help, it has caused so much stress. I have no answers for you other than to say we are now just concentrating on English and Maths for the time being maybe just two subjects a day will be doable? You are doing brilliantly, it's bloody hard work with teens at the best of times but an absolute nightmare when they have no interest to do their work.

She would not fall out with a teacher. Where are they? and there we have it. Op can’t get her child to cooperate with her at home. Clearly the teachers fault.

@TheOrigBrave

But you are giving structure and learning goals. You cannot physically force someone to do something but you can encourage them or not let them play on phones/x-box etc until something is done. So I would say you're doing a good job.

I do agree that structure is important for mental health but it is hard to maintain in the current climate. The reason I am getting my DD to do work - is not only so she doesn't fall behind, but so when school re-opens it is not such a massive shock to the system. But there's no way I can give her the structure and guidance a school can.

I'm struggling with my 5 year old as well she just wont do it and runs off and I'm working from home. 10 yr old does it but seems to rush then was sat crying when I made her re do maths she has ptev done. Tell her no tiktok otherwise simple

Disconnect the internet

Doesn't take to bribery or jossling.

Then you move to complete removal of privileges. I also have a teen that is capable of (mostly) independently following what has been sent out by the school so the work is non negotiable in this house. No screens, TV, or whatever the favourite pastime is until the work is done first.

If the school hasn't set any work for a day ds does a couple of hours of revision/past papers/maths, this part is flexible. The compromise is he gets a lie in until 10am and he has the odd midweek day off which is ok as he is keeping up with work, around 4 hours a day the rest of the time.

Online classes could go on for many more weeks or even months, no one knows. If you let her off with the work she will fall further behind. It is not the teachers responsibility to make sure she sits down and does the work they have set, that is the parents job. All a teacher can realistically do is tell the parent it isn't being done so they can intervene and get it done. The longer you let her off with not doing it the harder it will be to get her to reengage.

It is hard, but no one said parenting would be easy.

She would not fall out with a teacher. Where are they?

Have you tried contacting the form tutor or head of year or subject teacher by phone of e-mail or by what ever platform the school is using?

The teacher at my DC schools are there and do repond if needed though the default is setting work with a deadline. However they repond to questions from the kids and when there was an access problem and I had to get in touch everyone was helpful and reponded very quickly.

I'm not sure what you're expecting from them though - asking the children what work they have and checking they've done it is more the parent job.

Though many of the teachers have said if work isn't being done next step would be to contact the parents and perumable ask for support in making sure the small amount set is being done.

They have needed occasionaly help - sometimes to get started as some tasks haven't always been clear or they just need bit of help with.

OP you do realise teachers are still going into schools as well as working from home and being parents and carers etc. They do not have the time to come to spoon-feed your child as well as 100s of others all day every day.

Dolly ALL you need to do is have your child do the work the school has set. That is what you were instructed to do. Not teach her. Just parent her. Just like you are instructed to do with homework. She does the work or there is a consequence.

The problem is YOU don’t want to do that.

So let’s stop the pretending, shall we. Her teachers HAVE communicated with her. Her teachers DO have expectations that she hand in the work set. YOU just dont want to deal with this.

No screens, TV, or whatever the favourite pastime is until the work is done first.

That's the default here as well - work first.

If the school isn’t setting anything there’s no point in just doing random things for the sake of it. I can’t imagine I’d have been happily working away at 14 if there was no school. Although - looking back to that age there are things I would have been less resistant to doing. Reading a lot, maybe English past papers, mostly English related stuff. It would have been better to do that than have my parents try to force me to do French or RE, for example. Can you come up with something together maybe initially based around things she actually enjoys?

DS15 is doing the bare minimum but without prompting so am happy with that. I can't bear the arguments to get him to do more and his year tutor seems happy with what he is doing. I think people are stressing too much.

She would fall out with me because that's what teenage girls do. She would not fall out with a teacher.

Seriously? Parent your child. If she falls out with you it is due to her choices, let her.

Teacher her. At my desk since 9. Having some lunch.

I'm working from home.... including vanswering parental emails.

Email the teacher/form tutor. First port of call.

But you may have to get a bit tougher with her too.

What do you mean where are they? They’re at home. Do you expect them to call your DD and stay on the phone with her guiding her through every lesson?

They have 200 other kids to set work for.

Most schools won’t do Zoom/video lessons.

What exactly do you expect a teacher to do that you can’t do yourself.

They’ve set her the work.

I’m a teacher too. And I’ve been making phone calls home for the last two days.

Do you want a single phone call because that’s acceptable. Email/call the school and ask for that. Maybe a stern word from her teacher will help.

Though it completely undermines you as a parent

If she's below average in year 9, she will (most likely) be below average in year 11. Which means she would be getting a mix of grade 3 (fail) and grade 4 (standard pass) in her GCSEs. Not great, not a disaster, somewhat limits her options post 16 as she will not be able to get onto certain courses and will have to resit if she fails to get a 4 in maths or English, but she'd most likely be able to find a pathway that suited her, even if it wasn't ideal or her first choice. That's as things stood before Covid.

Now you're proposing that she gives up on doing any schoolwork until she is back in school. That could be September, it could be later. When schools do go back it could be months before full time teaching resumes due to the need for social distancing. So she could be halfway through year ten before she's getting full time education again. She won't maintain the skills and knowledge she has in that time, so she will be going into the mid point of year ten with the ability she had at the end of year 8.

Those 3s and 4s will slide down to 2s and 3s. She will now have the barest minimum of post 16 options. She will only be able to resit the maths and English GCSEs at college so she will have a string of failed GCSEs attached to her for the rest of her life. She will be locked out of a lot of higher education courses, and a lot of jobs.

Why would you choose that future for your child?

You need to work harder. Contact the school, and ask for some help - but be clear with yourself that this is now part of your job, as her mother. This is a really tough bit, for both of you, it will feel like wading through quicksand sometimes, but your job as her parent is to get her through this, not to give up and let her sink because it is difficult.

If the school isn’t setting anything there’s no point in just doing random things for the sake of it

OP talks about getting their child having homework.

Plus duolingo for language practise, seneca for many KS3 and KS4 subjects both free and currently free things like blutick, or even mathsfactor if maths is a problem area, can very much be worth doing especially if she has an idea about what GCSE she'll be doing.

I think the younger the children are less of a worry not doing so much is as they have more catch up time - DD1 is Y 10 but she'd started several GCSE already in Y9.

Where are they?
They’re at the other end of the internet answering questions to all of the students taking the class. They’re there to help the children. I don’t understand why you’re blaming teachers when you haven’t sought help in the first place.

What platform is your dd using? My dd is using google classroom. She’s yr7 and is doing everything set. She does need my help for certain lessons. But not for others. Have you looked at her emails and the tasks set??

As a teacher suggested upthread, just ensure your dd does the lessons she is taking in her options.

The problem here is that your DDs teachers aren't mind readers- unless she (or you) reach out to them they have no idea that she is struggling. She needs a plan to do bitesized chunks of work if her attention span isn't great. If you're struggling to plan that with her yourself contact her teacher for advice.

@Healthyandhappy how unhelpful.
If I disconnected my internet I could not do my job.

DS is year 9 and OP I feel your pain.

some very different parenting styles on here?

I also have a year 9 dd and the idea that I should 'parent' her and 'make things 'non negotiable' are alien to me. She is an independent individual. She is either motivated to study and succeed by now or she isn't. I am around to help and support her in any way I can and she knows that. This is such a difficult time and I don't feel I need to add to my kids stress by enforcing a rigid structure of regulation around them.

OP if your dd is finding it hard then talk to her? What would help her? Can she think of a way to structure her day that might allow for a couple of hours of school work? Would allowing herself a midweek duvet day help? Would exercise solo/with you help?

You’re getting a hard time on here OP.

You have my sympathy. It’s very, very difficult to wfh and have to deal with all this.

I agree that you should try to engage the teacher directly and get them to speak to her. Sounds like an outside kick up the arse would be useful.

After that, what motivates her? Carrot or stick? No WiFi until she’s done schoolwork? Or is there something she wants that you could promise if she plays ball?

Best of luck.

I think having structure, learning, setting goals etc is better for a child’s mental health any day of the week over the can’t be arsed attitude.

That depends on the child.

It is definitely better for my child. It definitely isn't for my nephew.