A.i.b.u to think , fuck it to school work now?

[DollyPartons]

Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. Started lockdown set homework but as times gone on like pulling teeth to get her to do any. Doesn't take to bribery or jossling. I've tried , a lot. She's just below average, I'm terrified this will plunder more but with no communication from school she's just not bothered . The school have not given guidelines to parents to get them to do the work , no expectations, schools out for summer early?

Oh, god, this takes me back. My son was pretty avoidant and I was working full-time in the years leading up to GCSEs. I used to have to take annual leave in the 'revision weeks' for exams, to supervise revision that wouldn't otherwise get done and the hours and bloody hours after work and at weekends that his father and I used to spend making sure he did work and going through it with him. Ugh. He got good GCSEs in the end, but it was hard work.

Sorry, if you don't have one of those self-motivated types who love doing well and love pleasing the teachers, and you care about how she does, then you're just going to have to get stuck in.

Is she avoiding particular subjects because she struggles with them? If so, see if you can get a tutor online. Some of the crammers, like MPW or Justin Craig Education are doing online courses, I think. Might be worth exploring that kind of help for when schools reopen. I ended up throwing money at the problem at A level - a tutor for two subjects and crammer revision. Worth every penny, and saved our family life and my sanity.

As others have said, it's just part of the job to get them through exams.

I'm not blaming anyone for my son's lack of willingness to participate in the work that is being set. (It is, in comparison to that set by my daughter's school overwhelming in volume, uncoordinated, and of variable quality - but schools are not set up for this, and the teachers didn't sign up for this either. Nothing but sympathy from me). But his current lack of motivation/interest is simply a fact.

I'm not bashing any teachers. In fact I think this highlights that good teaching is about way more than organising materials. It requires a degree of charisma, the building of rapport, the creating of great conditions for learning in a particular space and time, an understanding of group dynamics, coaching, nuture and energy.

Wrinklybags that's really good advice, especially your first point. The teachers are there to support both the parent and child and will do what they can to help. I'm just taking a break now from rewriting a task that I thought was straightforward but that the students have struggled with... this is hard for everyone and even though we know our classes well, this is just how teaching is sometimes, the only difference is that the feedback is more immediate and your explanations/support more easily done in person.

Maybe concentrate on keeping up/revising what she already knows in key subjects, starting with the most recent topics, and pick just one or two subjects (Maths and English are probably the most important) to try to achieve some of the new learning in. Maybe just for the next fortnight and reassess after that. Get her to do mind maps of the subjects she's already covered as a fresh way of looking at it. Basically any time she puts pen to paper on schoolwork is good. Some students would find the jump from being taught to home learning daunting.

Obviously I would also contact school to ask what further support they could offer, but in the meantime maybe you have to take a few steps back for a week or two in order to go forwards as such.

She would fall out with me because that's what teenage girls do. She would not fall out with a teacher. Where are they?

At the other end of the computer, setting work that is the responsibility of your dd's to complete. Exactly what my Y9 ds is doing - but if he wasn't, I would not dream of blaming the teachers. It's called parenting and it is my job.

I have the same with one of my Y6 pupils - his parents say they won't do it for them, but I can't do much about that, since I am not in their living room. I can suggest parenting strategies, like limiting internet, but ffs, I really shouldn't need to.

DysonFury my husband says the same all the time. It's so sad to hear of the way he talks about his school years and his parents lack of interest/support at that time. He really feel let down by it... he accepts that it was ultimately his responsibility but wonders how things would have turned out of they had encouraged him more

My Y10 is at an Academy.
LOTS of work has been sent home.
He is struggling to access it yet alone complete it.
Autism AND Dyslexia.
I have emailed School. I have phoned School.
No response whatsoever (and he is registered SEN / gets DLA / is considered vulnerable due to his ASD). There was 1 call, in week two, where I said the same and I was promised some 'differentiated work' but have had nothing and he has none of his textbooks or workbooks at home either so he is rather stuffed on that front too.
(school sent him home the week before they closed to most students as he was having seizures and said not to bring him back until it was sorted, his NHS referral has been slowed down due to Covid 19)

Caamhs say his MH is more important. Yes, but that will suffer when he goes back and is even further behind. It is chicken and egg, sadly.

I hope some folk wont resent it if he is a recipient of the £700 that may be given to Schools to share out across all pupils the way any extra Pupil Premium funding is now :(

Thanks I hatemyself. It’s also about trying to be incredibly thick skinned and resilient despite naturally being a sensitive, empathetic type which is what drew you to teaching in the first place. I do have the odd naturally rhino skinned colleague but can’t say they’re great teachers so much as able to survive by giving very little of a shit beyond what the spreadsheet shows.

if one good thing comes out of this situation is that parents will realise how difficult it is being a teacher and if their child is not getting good grades it is up to the child and parent to help that themselves more.

Unfortunately, I don't think that will happen. I suspect a fair few will hurl their kids back to school with a massive sigh of relief, having failed to get them to do much, if any, of the set work, and then complain (and blame school) if it turns out that future progress has been adversely affected.

You aren’t her friend, you are her mum. So you want the teacher to parent your child because you are too pathetic to do it yourself? It’s your house you are the parent set some ground rules!

Are you really going to left your DC drift for the next few weeks, months even? Its going to be so hard to get back into a frame of mind to study with so long doing nothing.

If she's 'below average' is it because she just doesn't get the work? Are there gaps in her knowledge that you could address now with the school?

Please contact the school. We have been ringing and visiting homes this week to pupils who haven't engaged and there were many of them. Most had told their parents/carers that they had done the work but hadn't 'uploaded' it. I am surprised school hasn't been in touch.

Wow! Some good responses here but a sizeable minority taking the opportunity to give the OP a kicking by criticising her parenting. Nice!

Mumsnet at its best.

OP I did fuck all at school, I didn’t fit in and I certainly wouldn’t have worked out of school either.

I now have a degree and have worked in a professional role for decades. Not teaching as believe me I wouldn’t be any good as a teacher.

What I am trying to say is don’t panic.

Find out something/anything she would like to learn about even if it’s not part of the curriculum. Encourage her to learn this and maybe do a project. She might achieve things she doesn’t realise she can.

My son is autistic with ADHD and 17, he’s doing nothing at the moment because he needs the structure and environment of his special needs college. No I am not stressing and not am I accepting any criticism (if it’s offered) of my parenting. I know my son and they don’t.

You know your DD and what might or might not work.

S

Op, it boils down to a couple of points: you don't want to be the bad guy with your dd. Understandable but unfortunately you and/or dh are going to have to be.
Also you really need to be more proactive. Contact her school for advice and steps forward. Google ways to get a difficult child motivated. Have a breather but get back at it.

I'm curious and you haven't said, what are the consequences of her refusal to work? Any loss of privileges? How does she react to that? You need to have a plan for this and stick to it. It is exactly your job to teach her. Not schoolwork but life lessons and coping mechanisms to get through things she doesn't want to do but has to.

Lastly, imo it is incredibly irresponsible to say you can't force a child to work if they don't want to. The consequences of leaving it up to them are too great and they have no real understanding of what they are at 14. No one's asking for exemplary work ethic or performance but she needs to get some work done.

Good luck!

Please contact the school. We have been ringing and visiting homes this week to pupils who haven't engaged and there were many of them. Most had told their parents/carers that they had done the work but hadn't 'uploaded' it. I am surprised school hasn't been in touch.

Op,
My 14 daughter’s not doing any of the work. I’ve tried everything; there are only so many screaming matches I can go through (and that’s her screaming not me).
We’re in lockdown and it’s difficult enough with everyone being under the same roof 24/7.
I heard this morning there was an education survey done on schools to see how many kids were actually doing the online work.....the result was only a 1/3.

They’ll be plenty of time to catch up when they return, they’ll all be in the same boat.

My twopennorth is that there's no point her doing the work if she has a bad attitude about it. Completing the work isn't the be-all-and-end-all if she doesn't learn something from it. I feel sorry for the OP, if she doesn't want to learn, you can't make her. Someone earlier said give her the chance to come up with a timetable (plan of action if you like) and I agree - tell her doing the work is non-negotiable but that you want her to take some control over it. Get her to contact a teacher that she respects to get some motivation. My yr 7 DGS regularly emails his home tutor (at her suggestion) and she's being really supportive. Good luck 🤞

If shes below average all the more reason to pull the finger out and get her working. She will be even worse off at the end of lockdown if she doesn't.

Why are you giving up on her because its a bit difficult? You are sending her the message its ok to just give up every time things get hard.

Lets be honest shes getting the 'I can't be arsed' message from somewhere. Do you think it possibly could be the parent who 'can't be arsed' to get her daughter to do some work because its easier to give up?

I did fuck all at school, I didn’t fit in and I certainly wouldn’t have worked out of school either. I now have a degree and have worked in a professional role for decades.

I hate this. Yes you have done ok and there are lots of people who have done the same, but there are lots more who have ended up stuck in dead end jobs / unemployment / never reached their potential.

Why stack the odds against your own child??

how many kids were actually doing the online work.....the result was only a 1/3. They’ll be plenty of time to catch up when they return, they’ll all be in the same boat.

Well, they won't, will they? One third of the year group will be ahead.

Has she chosen her subject choices for KS4?
What career does she want to do?

Could she spend her time doing things related to these things to help make her mind up? There are lots of free online things like fitness, languages etc which she can email her teachers and say she is struggling with the work being set so can she do this instead?

Not doing school work is not a massive issue in itself, it's what she is doing instead that's the problem.
If she is going for a run, cooking, cleaning, being creative etc then that's fine. If she spends the entire day on tiktok or Instagram that then is not ok.

If you’re going to bail out, my advice would be to confess to the school that you’ve bailed. There is a lot of talk about massive input for disadvantaged students moving forward so you need to make sure that she is classed as disadvantaged.

In your place I think I'd email the form tutor and ask for help. Be open. maybe they could provide a weekly check in between now and half term?
The benefit of somebody who knows her outside of a parental role might help.

She needs to be thinking of the short long term - what will happen next year? What ambitions does she have? Can you offer an incentive? £ towards an outfit/takeaway/Xbox game? (I know that's bad parenting but it works with my yr 7).

Is it a confidence issue. Can you start small - 1 hour a day and build it up?

Qualifications provide options. Even if you never use them you've had a choice not to.

It is shit at the moment. Nobody is coming out of this unscathed. But please don't give up.

She’s trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation, the same as every other parent. Her kid is 14, do you think she’s raised herself?

I agree that we're all doing our best, but I genuinely can't see where the parenting is in, "AIBU to think fuck it?". What are the OPs alternative plans?

My sister-in-law was complaining that her KS2 daughters aren't doing any work. Yet I know that they'll be expected to either work in the living room with the telly on (it's never turned off) or alone on their bedroom floor. There is no active supervision. There is no structure, it's a chaotic 20 minutes on this, 10 minutes on that, 15 minutes shouting about maths, 15 minutes in the garden...