A.i.b.u to think , fuck it to school work now?

[DollyPartons]

Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. Started lockdown set homework but as times gone on like pulling teeth to get her to do any. Doesn't take to bribery or jossling. I've tried , a lot. She's just below average, I'm terrified this will plunder more but with no communication from school she's just not bothered . The school have not given guidelines to parents to get them to do the work , no expectations, schools out for summer early?

Not another teacher bashing thread. Look if you don’t want to help your child then don’t.

At which point I will be thinking that I wasted my and my DC's time

GCSEs are graded on a curve. So if he has worked now he will be ahead of those he is being graded against. Definitely not a waste of time.

Why do people think the words ‘parent them’ is some kind of magic bullet? What do you think she’s doing?

Genuinely, what parenting do you see in her post?

CallmeAngelina you're right, theres so much teacher bashing on Mumsnet.

I'm sure all the parents here saying "you can't make them work" would be the first ones to moan at teachers when little Johnny and Julie are failing exams/getting poor reports etc.... the ones who ask teachers what we're doing about the problem.

Yes, YABU.

If your DD is behind already, doing no school work is going to do her no favours. It may make your life easier in the short-term, certainly, but may seriously impact on her future chances. Is the short-term gain worth it?

It’s a terrible idea, in my view. And not just because of poorer exam results than might otherwise have been possible had she put the work in, but also because if the messages that this would send her. Which to me sounds a bit like “if it’s hard, simply don’t bother”, “if you don’t like something and you’d rather not do it, then it’s absolutely fine to not do it”. You’re saying “it’s up to school/your teacher(s) to make you do it”, thereby allowing her to absolve herself of any responsibility for the outcome of her actions (or lack of). These are very poor messages to send to her.

There must be consequences to her choices- Which you enforce. So if she won’t work- you may not be able to physically force her to do it- but you can put rules and boundaries in place where failure to do what is required of her has consequences. I would start with looking at a reasonable timetable (not very easy just so she does it- but reasonable to achieve what needs to be done) with appropriate breaks. If she does not stick to it or do work to an acceptable standard, then she loses a privilege until she can behave responsibly. E. g, no use of internet on whatever device she uses to access it (other than for school work), or she doesn’t get pocket money (if she gets any at the moment)/things other than essentials bought for her. Or she had to carry out more chores, as she is not doing anything else. There can be a carrot too- exactly what depends on your DD- to help incentivise her. But she does need to knuckle down and get on with it, regardless of whether it’s fun or easy. As her parent, it’s up to you to ensure that if she doesn’t, there are consequences.

I am baffled by the number of parents who seem to view education as something for the school to do- nothing to do with them as parents.

Genuinely, what parenting do you see in her post?

That doesn’t make any sense. She’s trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation, the same as every other parent. Her kid is 14, do you think she’s raised herself?

I’d expect a year 9 child to be getting on with it. My year 7 DD is. It’s non negotiable here to be honest

Contact the school.

Yes op, contact the school and tell them you don't want to tell your dd to get her school work done because she will fall out with you

Mine is yr 7 and he gets Friday off as a reard if he puts in effort the other days. It works well for us. I also allow him to spend free times on ps4 if he will do half an hr of the subjects he hates before hand (drama, r.e) for him. He completed this week's set work at 11am today.

My yr 7 is refusing to do anything and everything I'm trying is not working. He's even smashed the laptop he has been using so we are down to 3 between 4 of us. The school are on my case constantly about his lack of work and I'm really trying to get him to do it. I'm just at the end of my tether with it. The level of violence and aggression is horrible for my other two children to have to try and work with too.

Sorry I can't be any help but wanted you to know you aren't alone.

"I'm sure all the parents here saying "you can't make them work" would be the first ones to moan at teachers when little Johnny and Julie are failing exams/getting poor reports etc....."

Well, I'm sure that suits your narrative. But I disagree.

@DollyPartons I’m in the same position to you and it ain’t easy and I am not superwoman.

My ds is year 9 too. It’s hard to motivate him too. What I have done is told him he must do the work for the subjects he is doing GCSEs in, and I’m not worried about the subjects he is dropping this year anyway. That seems to have helped, he had zero motivation to do German, knowing he’s never going to have to do another exam in it, but he does realise he needs to get good GCSEs so that work is more important. He is lucky enough to find work fairly easy though, if this had been dd at that age she would have really struggled both with the work without teachers helping her and with seeing the point in doing it when she struggled.

I wouldn't moan at the teachers I know how uninterested he is. He is being assessed for asd but even if he doesn't have that he only deems things he thinks are interesting worth doing.

ihatemyselffordoingthis and I'm sure that you've never been on the receiving end of such comments from parents, despite trying everything to get their child to work/behave, and being met with a complete reluctance from either parent or student to take responsibility

YANBU.

Could you start by focusing on the subjects she enjoys the most and leaving the others for now? Build up her confidence and motivation in stages. Perhaps she works better when in a group situation and struggles working on her own?

If it’s still not working out, maybe take a look at other styles of schooling; home schooling, no schooling, private tutoring etc. ?

It doesn’t make either you or her less of a person just because she doesn’t automatically perform to U.K. standard teaching methods.

So what does child do all day?

Why not remove internet privileges til the work is done?

Well, I'm sure that suits your narrative. But I disagree.

Time to roll out this, I think:

callmeangelina I feel seen it's so true. Not from all parents, but theres definitely a significant minority and they hide out in teacher bashing Mumsnet threads

I feel a bit more like that but my kids are only 4 and 6. She needs to be filling her time somehow, but maybe school work isn't the answer. Is she artistic, by her age you could spend pretty much all your time drawing and perfecting skills. Likewise for music or other art/design projects. She's old enough to understand that it'll be much harder to catch up, but otherwise needs to take ownership of it.

Some kids just don't like school work. What does she plan to do when she is older? Maybe she will be happy as a fruit picker, a cleaner or some other unskilled labour. Or maybe she could work in a hotel kitchen
or something g
Does she realise how hard it is to get a job without an education?

Maybe try some reverse psychology. Tell her if she won't do school work then she has to research getting a job, and she has to pull her weight at home. Have her changing beds on a Monday, cleaning bathrooms on Tuesday, full dust and vacuum on a Wednesday etc. Make her do the online food shopping to a strict budget and make her responsible for the family's meals.

If she won't do schoolwork, slacking off still isnt an option.

Also remove her privileges. Tell her until she can earn a wage, she doesnt get nice things lavished on her. So no new clothes, no phone contract, etc. See how she copes, maybe she will come up with a way to earn money or maybe she will get the point and try harder at schoolwork, either way it is a win.

If I was in your shoes I would

• Contact the school and see if you can speak to one of her teachers, find out how she best learns, how long they'd be expecting tasks to take her and if they have any tips for you.

• Make sure she has an appropriate workspace away from distractions if possible.

• Ask her what she feels might help her and implement anything that you're able to.

• Help her structure her study time, concentrate for twenty five minutes and a break for five (I still have to do this if I'm struggling with a task)

• Help her break down tasks into manageable parts.

• You need to teach her discipline when she lacks motivation. As a adult time and time again I've seen the most consistent people become more successful than the smartest. This is down to work ethic which is something you most definitely should be helping her with.

You're right that you're not her teacher so even if you are not able to go through the content of her work you still have a very important role to play at this time.

How I wish I'd had parental interest/been encouraged to study while at school. My life could have panned out so differently.

If a child is not conforming at school, we get the blame. And now, it seems we're also to take the blame if they're not conforming at home too.

This!!

I think teachers get the blame for everything and if one good thing comes out of this situation is that parents will realise how difficult it is being a teacher and if their child is not getting good grades it is up to the child and parent to help that themselves more.