Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

[Tinkerbellone]

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

@Fruitsaladjelly there is no such thing as "child porn" Images of child sexual abuse / exploitation is the phrase you are looking for.

No, BedisBliss, it's you who doesn't quite grasp the nuances, I'm afraid, and if you really are involved in safeguarding you need to educate yourself or you're doing any children you help a disservice.

This happened to us. My daughter was 11 nearly 12. She was properly groomed . Sent nudes. We were on holiday in Crete.
She was mortified. We went to the police(hubby was police) . Took her off all sites. Over the past 2 years the photos got reposted. Sent to her friends.
School really supportive. Just be honest with her. She made a mistake but these people are evil - it’s not her fault. Let her talk to you but dont force it.
They traced them to Germany then trail went cold.
It will get better but it takes time. Be vigilant. My daughter sneaked back on to Snapchat despite it all. She gets it now.
Love xx

Absolutely call this police. This happened to my teenage son, the first I knew about it (and him as he and friends had been catfished) was a visit from the police as they had been informed by the FBI after arresting a paedophile in America.

I still feel sick now and it was 7 years ago. The police had the pictures and showed me the non graphic ones - it was a sleep over at his friends house.

Whilst they caught the man - obviously on evidence from somebody else as it took months for them to link the IP address to friends house after he was arrested, the pictures had already been sold on.

So please contact the police ASAP.

And give your daughter such massive hugs for being put in this position - she has nothing to be ashamed of and had done nothing wrong.

I wish i could call you and tell you what the police said to me - they spoke privately to me first and their first concern was mine and sons relationship and would he be the type to run away. I said no - we sat and spoke about it together and we've always been open and honest. I think it made me more ill than it did him - he was like, so what? At the time they don't know where I am, nobody is going to get me. but his behaviour went downhill.

Much love to you all.

@DishingOutDone

well I think I can help the OP in letting her know what it's like, so you may have done her a disservice in reporting the thread.

Yes inform the Police. i am a Police officer and can assure you your daughter will not be treated as anything except a victim in this case. Police are compelled to report to social services but do not worry about this it is standard procedure.
Please report these people are scum of the earth and unfortunately your daughter is not alone.

Poor DD.

Who was the recipient? Yes, call the police. But tell her this is NOT her fault.

@stimpy1 can I ask you as a professional why CEOP may not act on this scenario? We were in identical circumstances but when I reported it I never heard a thing back. I've always wondered what happened and if I reported it in the wrong way.

Report to the police. Ask for some kind of counselling for her. Put stronger controls on the internet and off the wifi at night. I too would take away her phone. She isn't grown up enough to handle the responsibility of having a phone.

The police will be great with her, you know what you need to do

Report to the police and cuddle your poor daughter and take care of you and her .
You’ve had a massive shock .
It’s great that she felt she could tell you .
This happened to a friend’s daughter who was also 12 and the police , social services and school was fantastic with their support and treated the poor girl with nothing but kindness.
I’m so sorry this has happened to your family .
Stay strong ...

Fair point re the child not having the appropriate intention to commit any crime - no mes rea no crime.

Strict liability crimes don't require mens rea. They are committed solely by act.

The law says 'it is an offence for a person to take or permit to be taken any indecent photograph of a child; or to distribute or show such indecent photographs'. There's no consideration of age of consent or coercive behaviour, and although 12 is so young, she is still above the age of criminal responsibility. Whether the law is fit for purpose in an age of smart phones and social media is another matter, but as it stands, that's what it says.

That does not mean, as has been repeatedly pointed out, that Op's DD will be prosecuted or have any sort of legal case brought against her. It also does not detract from the fact she is absolutely a victim of a much worse crime and should be (and will be) supported through that by the police and social services. This is not her fault. But being a victim of a hideous crime isn't a legal defence that can be used to nullify the crime of taking/sharing indecent images, as unpleasant as that might be for us morally, and Op should be aware of that. Highlighting that isn't victim blaming.

Forewarned is forearmed. Op should be in possession of all of the facts so she is appropriately prepared for discussions with the police and her DD rather than it coming out later. I'd much rather be aware so that I was not blindsided if/when the police or social services mentioned it to me during what will already be a difficult conversation for all involved, or if DD found out and got upset or scared because school did an assembly or similar on this topic and mentioned it then.

No one is saying that the police are going to start calling OP's DD a criminal and say that it's her fault. They will be nothing but supportive to her as she is the victim of an awful crime. But Op as her mother should be aware so she can manage the situation and work with the relevant authorities to safeguard her child.

Op reporting is absolutely the right thing to do. You and your DD need support, and the police need to know sooner rather than later so they can track down the scum that did this to your poor little girl. You must be an amazing mother to have a relationship where she felt comfortably enough to share this with you

Oh god OP this post has made my stomach churn on your behalf. There’s some sick bastards out there. Definitely go to police and hopefully they can track the sicko.

Hope you’re both ok

Police and block and look at how they got through. Cut off certain platforms/apps if you cannot know they are safe for her. Discuss it, kindly and in the interests of protecting her, with your DD. No blame involved. She will be scared too. My sympathies to her.

I would never judge you OP. My DD at 11 was totally freaked out when she got messages from old men when she opened a skype account with a cheery stagecoach photo. Luckily the men who messaged her used their real life photos on their accounts and she was totally freaked and she shut down her account straightaway. We had no idea that skype was an open platform - we thought it was only open to people you already know.

Why on Earth has my comment been removed? How ridiculous. I simply commented that 12 is too young for Social Media like Instagram

It’s great that she could talk to you.
I’m sure that you have contacted the police already.
Reassure her that she did the right thing to tell you

My son who 12 at the time told me about a girl in his class who had been victim of this too. I asked him to tell her to confide in her parents, which she wouldn’t.

I reported to CEOPS - within an hour the local police had phoned me & the next day the London based CEOPS called. They were brilliant. They are absolute professionals who know how to talk to children in these circumstances. Please, please report!

"I'm so pleased that you've told me. I think you've been really brave and now your father and I need to take it from here. Send a quick message to your friends saying you won't be on internet for the next few days, you don't need to tell them why just say Mum said and hand over your gadgets. I know it's going to a bit boring without the internet but it's really important that dad and I deal with this now as adults."

I've sat through loads of these talks at school. Your dd won't be in trouble.

CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection) www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

Dedicated law enforcement agency for exactly this type of crime. Some shitty criminal manipulated your dd into sending these images. That is CEOP's bread and butter crime to deal with. They will deal with it, you can even report it online.

As an aside, the sending of images often leads to blackmail. ie I've got your nude and I'll send it to your parents/school/contacts/whatever if you do not agree to [whatever]. Now that [whatever] is a fuck of a lot more serious and may involve more nudes and meet up and possible rape. Please please be aware of this. And please be aware that the blackmail threat of distribution of pictures is often carried out regardless of what the victim does or does not do.

It is a MAJOR success that she has told you. Because that is how young people get manipulated - by being shamed into keeping it all secret. You should not be remotely angry, no sanctions. Help her, keep channels open.

@footprintintheslow I'm sorry that you had that experience, as far as I know if you report than you should be contacted and the matter dealt with asap. It may have been an oversight but that is unfortunate as it leaves you with a feeling that the Police don't care and I can assure you they do particularly regarding these types of crimes. I hope your child has been able to put it all behind them and move forward.

How can you victim blame a 12 year old girl for being coerced into sending pictures when there are fully grown adults who have been taken advantage of in the same way?? Please report to police OP you can't watch children in your sleep and it is not your fault or your daughters. I hope you get the right support.

An update.
We have reported to the police. They were very kind and came quickly they were very understanding & explained everything to her. They have taken her phone.
We have been on a late 'night walk' together and talked. She feels relieved now the police have been and that she's not in trouble. She is very scared of her dad finding out. We are divorced 10 years due to DV. So I'm hoping Social services don't get in touch with him. But I will cross that bridge.
Thank you for all your replies and your kindness. I went online before posting here and found so much conflicting advice. I came on here because of the anonymity and the fact someone would be able to help. So I do appreciate that.

I'm feeling relieved they took her phone. She can stay off social media now.
They're going to go through her phone and try and trace this person. If they are not in the UK then there is very little they can do.
I'm very proud of her. She spoke clearly and honestly with a few tears. She's sleeping in my bed tonight having Mum hugs

You are rightly proud of her and you should also give yourself credit for bringing her up so well that she feels close to you and felt able to tell you .
You both deserve tight hugs now ..

I’m so pleased to read your update .
I wish you the best of luck for the future .

Take it easy. It’s horrid when they get big and it’s not as easy to sort but you have done a good job.

Im so glad to see such a positive update Op. Your DD must be a very strong and resilient child to speak to you and the police about what happened.

I'm sorry to hear about her dad. I hope that he doesn't cause problems for you and DD, but you're right, it's a bridge to cross another day. The most important thing right now is that DD is being open and honest with you and she knows that you love her and will be there for her no matter what.

Well done to both of you