Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

[Tinkerbellone]

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

@LouiseCollina and @footprintsintheslow - @Weregoingonanadventure is absolutely correct. You might not like it, but it's the truth. What the daughter has also done is technically a crime, but there will be no legal action taken.

This should NOT in any way discourage the OP from going to the police, but she should go fully armed with the facts of what might happen at the station.

OP I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to your daughter.

I'm a little bit puzzled - you say it happened around midnight, but also that she was "bombarded" with texts and pictures. Had she been bombarded for the preceding days or weeks, or did this happen in the hours leading up to midnight, at which point she sent pictures of herself? The whole situation, including grooming, (if that's the correct term in this instance) can't have happened at midnight.

But I agree, if she doesn't have the confidence and maturity to ignore and delete such messages then she should not have access to social media.

Thank you for all your responses.
I've read them crying. It's so upsetting. I'm trying to be very calm and brave when we talk.

She is vulnerable. She was bullied at school and self harmed in February. She has been having some counselling at school.
She's been so much happier not going to school.

I have spoken to her about calling the police. She's ok with this. Very tearful.

To those posters criticising phone and social media; We usually have phones on charge, left in the hall at night time.
I must admit that with no school I have relaxed the rules and asked that they be switched off when they go to sleep.
Last time I checked her Instagram it was just cartoons. It seems that the platform her and her friends use to communicate has shifted from WhatsApp to Instagram over this lockdown.

I don't want to put very strict sanctions in place because she might not come to me next time- but I need to keep her safe.
I'm trying hard to find a balance.
She's only 12 but looks about 15. She's very naive too.

I can believe the victim blaming arse holes in her saying ops dd has also committed a crime. This is a 12 year old child who's basically been forced to send indecent pictures to a dirty beast. Have a long long conversation with yourselves.

Am staggered by some of the victim blaming and smug comments. I have had parents explain patiently to me how their much older child could never have done similar when they had indeed. Unless your child is unable to access technology it is very difficult to be sure at what they might be coerced I to doing u see the right circumstances. It’s not just children who make these mistakes.

The police will be much more sensible and empathetic than some posters here. Absolutely report. You will all get past this together.

Can't not can. Mind you saying that Yes I can believe it, sadly

Who did she send them to? Basically if you go to the police, your daughter will be interviewed, read the riot act (she has also committed a crime) and her device/s will be taken and wiped. What happens to the other party will depend on who they are and if they are trace able. Is she identifiable in the pictures? If not I’d be tempted to keep this to yourself. Having experienced this a couple of years ago it’s a can of worm that you may not want to open. I can believe you are a good parent, unfortunately sending nude pictures is seen as ‘normal’ amongst modern teens, whatever you say will not counter what is normal culture amongst her Peers.

Some replies are a bit judgmental.....ignore them . It sound really bloody upsetting but as everyone has said , call the police . If you emphasise the fact that by reporting she will hopefully have direct impact on other young girls not going through this harsh lesson , it might soften the shame for her a bit . She’s 12 ...and was scared . To say that she chose this is nonsense. Good luck . And don’t blame yourself . The pervert is to blame .

@JemimaPuddleCat I posted in AIBU because I needed some support quickly. I will ask for the thread to be moved.
Which section would you suggest
Please? Parenting?

Some incredibly ignorant posts here. I have done work in this area and this girl has been groomed and is a victim. She has absolutely not committed a crime and it is disgusting and wrong to suggest that a 12 year old grooming victim is anything other than a victim of sexual abuse. The police will deal with her as a victim

It's not victim blaming to point out the law and to try and arm OP with the facts.

FWIW I don't agree with it either, but my opinion doesn't make it not technically a crime.

Clearly you must tell the Police.
I think it's great that you've spoken to her about this and that she agrees.
Wishing you and your daughter all the strength in the world.

It is good to hear she is upset and remorseful, hopefully she will have learnt her lesson and you won’t have this to deal with in the future.

What she did is also a crime so be prepared for that.

Definitely report. Hopefully the police will be able to track him down and put him away for this.

But do please talk to the NSPCC or get other advice from professionals - a psychologist or someone who works in this field - on how to handle it with your daughter and how to help her.

At the moment, she's done the right thing in telling you about it (and of course should have stopped the conversation with this stranger earlier, but she's only 12 and she is the victim in this). She's probably going through all sorts of emotional turmoil, and so while you want to make sure she really understands how to be safe in future, you also don't want to escalate her anxiety. It sounds like the fact that you managed to keep calm and listen means that you have already handled it brilliantly. But it's worth getting help in building on that so that she can cope, and so that she feels able to come to you again in future.

All the very best to you both. I hope they catch and prosecute him, and I hope that your daughter can recover from this experience well.

She will not be read the riot act that is utter nonsense. I'm speaking with experience of how the police operate. Op try the NSPCC or Ceops for help. Please belive me this is a hugely well understood area of crime and they will treat it with utmost seriousness in their search for the person who groomed her.

Yes CEOP. As others have said it's a good thing that she has felt able to open up to you. There's a lot of info been posted that make it sound like going to the police isn't a good idea but please don't worry, they have staff trained for this exact situation and will handle you and your DD with care.

Completely agree with @ Writerandreader, i worked for CEOP, no way would your daughter be treated as having committed an offence. Depending on resources they may be able to action this report, which could prevent it happening to others. When your daughter is older she may be able to talk to children about how easily this can happen which may give her back some power over it. Good luck, and report straight away

There are no victim blaming arseholes on this thread that I can see. OP I hope that your daughter will be ok.

Of course go to the police. Your child is a victim of paedophilia, what else would you do?

@writerandreader if you have worked you’ll know that she has committed a crime by distributing child porn, the fact the subject is herself is irrelevant. The police won’t prosecute but they will give her a talking to

Making, keeping and or sending images of an under 18 year old are all crimes.
We train teachers to teach this in schools. These laws were not meant to catch out children but to catch adults and were made before smart phones existed.
Your DD will almost definitely be treated a a victim because she was groomed. Please contact CEOP to let the police know.
I hope that your DD is ok. This is so common you'd be shocked. Groomers are so effective.
Thinking of you both

Agree with all that has been posted.

On a side note, but equally important in some respects - please don't leave your phones charging overnight. A friend of mine lost their house in a fire doing this - very lucky not to have been killed.

Must be so difficult to be a young girl in this day and age. My 7 yr old is pestering for her own phone - would you believe there are kids in her class who have them, AND have instagram accounts etc. In fairness, I think 99% of 12 yr olds do have their own phone and some degree of autonomy on there. You have done nothing wrong. Your daughter is a victim.

And I know this because my dc was talked into sending some pics and that is exactly what happened, unless there was some sort of blackmail /threat made in the chat she is both victim and perpetrator

It is absolutely not the 12 year old's fault!

But if this was my kid I'd be really worried about the underlying reasons why it happened. Was she being bullied or threatened? Or is she feeling unhappy at school for example and is therefore vulnerable, and this predator paid her some attention and coaxed and manipulated her into it?