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Original poster

Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

249 replies

Tinkerbellone · 29/04/2020 19:22

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

OP posts:
sparklefarts · 29/04/2020 20:37

Of course you go to the police

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/04/2020 20:38

All those saying "She also committed a crime. How would you feel if this were your child.

Bluewater1 · 29/04/2020 20:38

Also. "Child porn" is an inappropriate and very outdated term, any such image is referred to as a sexualised image of as a child. Which shows more accurately that they are if course a victim

Wearywithteens · 29/04/2020 20:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

julybaby32 · 29/04/2020 20:39

Definitely report both for your daughter's and for the sake of other people who may be pressured without a lovely mother like you to turn to. Sanctions from you would serve no purpose and be cruel, but maybe you having custody of the phone until any evidence is collected would be wise. You wouldn't want someone to get away with this for want of that simple step. CEOP have a report button, which is helpful, I'm told. (A colleague has used it, I haven't had to yet.)

Fruitsaladjelly · 29/04/2020 20:41

My Ds was in exactly this position a couple of years ago, it came out and he was expelled from school ! He was repeatedly asked for pictures, he said no, but eventually caved (all the snap chat transcripts were pulled by the police) although he was technically the victim you wouldn’t have thought it by the way he was treated. We ended up talking to another school who said they see this so much it’s an every day event

Bluewater1 · 29/04/2020 20:42

Of course (not if)

Lockheart · 29/04/2020 20:43

@Awwlookatmybabyspider what someone feels doesn't change the law.

Yes, the daughter is absolutely a victim.

Yes, the OP should go to the police.

Yes, it's absolutely devastating.

No, it is not the daughters fault in any way and she is in no way to blame.

Yes, what she has done is technically a crime as well.

No, the police will not take any action, but the OP should be prepared for the police to bring this up from a safeguarding angle.

Fruitsaladjelly · 29/04/2020 20:44

All those saying "She also committed a crime. How would you feel if this were your child
It was my child, and this was what the police I had to meet with said to me, it’s just the reality.

nuttymomma · 29/04/2020 20:45

I have a 12yo DD and that's my worse nightmare.

What can the police do though? If its an account with no name or location for example, how can they trace it? Won't the police just say "block him and be more careful in future"?

Not saying that to criticize the OP.

I speak from personal experience regarding online harassment of myself. The police were useless.

loutypips · 29/04/2020 20:45

Please report it to CEOP

www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-reporting/

lockdownbirthdayhelp · 29/04/2020 20:46

Yes of course you need to report it. If social services are informed it will only be to support her.
It might be a good idea to remove her phone before bedtime so this can't happen again.

Fruitsaladjelly · 29/04/2020 20:47

Nuttymomma Exactly my feeling, I fear the Op may wish she hadn’t started if she does go the police route. It will all depend on what platform was used, and how the conversation went.

DishingOutDone · 29/04/2020 20:47

@Wearywithteens - But no one is saying that a naive 12 year old is to blame for being coerced like this apart from those saying she has committed a criminal offence. I don't think posters are kindly using their "professional" knowledge to help the OP at all - we've had this on a thread earlier in the year where you had to wade through posts saying "she's just as much to blame" before you could see any helpful advice.

OrangeCinnamon · 29/04/2020 20:48

Well I hope you victim blamers feel proud of yourself - mumsnet never fails to disappoint!

Marpan · 29/04/2020 20:49

Was the person sending them an adult or was it another child?

I’d probably go to the parents or school if it’s a child then the police.

If it’s an adult then obviously police without hesitation.

If she is being or has been bullied she will be doing this for her self esteem, attention will made
Her feel good. It’s totally not her fault.

Loads of Men are disgusting I had a dating site profile many years ago and about 9/10 men sent unprompted you know what pics, it would be so much worse nowadays.

museumum · 29/04/2020 20:51

How to report through the right channels
www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre

UnderTheIroningBoard · 29/04/2020 20:51

First well done OP- you obviously have a good relationship with your daughter and she was able to open up to you.
Yes, your daughter is the victim of a criminal and you should involve the police.
Best of luck to you all.

midwestsummer · 29/04/2020 20:52

It isn't victim blaming to highlight the law. Although I see it may not be reassuring to OP, it has been explained to her that her dd will be seen as treated as a victim in this regardless.
I've worked in this field supporting victims for years, I have still been very clear with my dc that if they take naked pictures of themselves and send them to others they are committing an offence.
Not to potentially victim blame them but so they understand the law and can protect themselves.

ludothedog · 29/04/2020 20:53

Please op, make sure you keep the phone from your DD right now and call the police.

You must show your DD that you can protect her and will protect her. They may well still be trying to contact her. You must make sure she isn't still being groomed. She can speak to her friends through your phone. No need to tell them why, just that her phone is out of action just now

ChocolateQuiltedShitPig · 29/04/2020 20:53

Strangely enough my neice only today, received a message from a stranger on fb claiming he has photoshopped her face onto pornstars bodies and will send to all her fb contacts if she doesnt send what he wants. My brother is dealing with it. She is 15

bevelino · 29/04/2020 20:54

@Weregoingonanadventure, the family are suffering enough without you branding the poor child a criminal.

onanothertrain · 29/04/2020 20:55

No one on this thread is victim blaming

PotterHarryWitch · 29/04/2020 20:55

Of course call the police why are you asking people on here about the safety of your own daughter?!?! Report it!

RiojaHaze · 29/04/2020 20:55

@Tinkerbellone this happened to my DD at the same age last year. I involved the police as the messages they used to get her to send them images were threatening and it was clear from the language that they were not a child.

The police were amazing, spent ages with DD explaining why it was wrong and making her feel a lot better about the whole thing.

Unfortunately it was an American IP and the trail went really cold, but it was filed for cross referencing should the same guy target anyone else.

And this happened to the daughter of someone who is very social media savvy, uses it a lot and understands it, monitors usage and has complete access to all of her accounts.

They're really clever in how they get to these girls and use personal information against them, and if you're naive then it's easy to be drawn in.

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