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Original poster

Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

249 replies

Tinkerbellone · 29/04/2020 19:22

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

OP posts:
paperandfireworks · 29/04/2020 19:32

Police, without hesitation. 12 is not old enough to consent and your daughter is the victim of a serious crime.

Musicalmistress · 29/04/2020 19:32

You are a good mum - that's why she felt able to tell you!
Please contact the police they have officers specially trained to deal with sensitive things like this.

Marlouse · 29/04/2020 19:32

Completely agree with weregoingonanadventure

Greggers2017 · 29/04/2020 19:32

@Weregoingonanadventure not helpful is your post really!

Your daughter is not going to get into trouble she is going to be safeguarded. Trust me it happened to my little sister. Social care and the police get involved but all the do is give support and advice to stop it happening again. Everything they did was of massive help to my parents and sister.

ludothedog · 29/04/2020 19:34

If social services are involved they'll use it as a learning opportunity nothing more.

Keep the phone and messages until police have been then delete Instagram, she is too young for it. Get some kind of parental device so that you can check and control the phone. Make sure settings are private on all accounts and on all devices. No phone or tablets in room after a certain time.

Make sure she knows that it's a bit about consequences and also about keeping her safe and taking back control.

Maldives2006 · 29/04/2020 19:36

@Weregoingonanadventure how is it a crime? her daughter is 12 and has been groomed by a predatory paedophile and that is how the police will see it!!!!

Please op do not be scared or upset neither you or more importantly your daughter have done anything wrong and the police will take care of all of you. Social services will be involved but this is nothing to be worried about they will be there to help your daughter navigate her way through this horrible experience!!

Cosyblanky · 29/04/2020 19:37

The police and social services will support you both, they are not going to blame you or treat her as if she's commited a crime, she hasn't.

Weregoingonanadventure · 29/04/2020 19:38

@Greggers2017

If I had to make a phone call about this to the police then I would want to know everything that's going to happen. That includes being aware that this is also a crime, it will be recorded, it will be treated as safeguarding and there will be consequences which stem from that.

The girl shouldn't have Instagram. She shouldn't have access to her phone overnight. She obviously isnt mature enough to have it. It's happened now, but mum needs to take steps to ensure it isnt possible for it to happen again.

NoveltyFunsies · 29/04/2020 19:39

@Greggers2017 adventures post was actually helpful and informative. It is now illegal to send photos of yourself if you are underage, it’s classified as distributing child porn, so it’s better that the OP is aware of that and is armed with the truth. As adventure says, it seems very unlikely that the Police would punish the OP’s child when there is evidence that they were pressured into it, but technically they can as it is a crime.

TwistyHair · 29/04/2020 19:39

Being a victim of image based sexual abuse is not a crime. Your daughter won’t be in trouble. She also doesn’t need any further consequences from you. Her going through this is consequence enough. She needs you to be on her side and not be angry. Sounds like you have been like this, I’m more responding to PP.

Maldives2006 · 29/04/2020 19:40

Also please do not punish your daughter this is not the time for consequences. She is a victim these evil people are masters of manipulation even fully grown tough prison officers have to be rotated through the sex offender units because of the manipulative nature of the inmates.

ShowOfHands · 29/04/2020 19:40

@Weregoingonanadventure is right. The dd HAS committed a crime and it will be recorded. It is important that the op and her dd knows this.

LatteLarry · 29/04/2020 19:40

I'm sure you're a good mum but why has she got access to her phone at midnight and why does she have Instagram? It's not for 12 year olds

I'd move forward by deleting Instagram and removing all devices to your bedroom in the evening. That's what a more forward thinking parent might have done.

Just report it, report his profile too to Instagram and tell her you'll revisit social media in a couple of years time.

Weregoingonanadventure · 29/04/2020 19:40

@Maldives2006
It is being drilled into kids at school that creating and sharing an indecent image of a child is a crime, even if the child in question is you. If you take a photo of yourself and send it then you are committed a crime. This is being drilled into the kids in our schools around here.

Even with the consent of the person in the image, even if the person in the image is the one who took the photo, it is an offence. It is recorded. As I said, it is treated as a safeguarding issue rather than a criminal one, but it isnt like reporting a theft. They wont just take action against the other person; they will (and should) work with OPs daughter to ensure this doesnt happen again, and to educate.

Greggers2017 · 29/04/2020 19:40

@Weregoingonanadventure what you are spouting will scare some parents out of seeking help which is very dangerous. The police told my parents it is almost unheard of that the child, massive emphasis on the child faces any consequences with the law.

ToelessPobble · 29/04/2020 19:41

It's actually CEOP that you want, which is the part of the police that deals with this type of crime. www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-reporting/

You are absolutely right in thinking it needs to be reported. Firstly to see whether they can limit distribution of what had been sent, and secondly for them to try to protect other young people from this perpetrator. It depends on where you live as to further support you can get, but Barnardos are on organisation that support in this area. Ignore the post saying about social services just using it as a learning opportunity, if they do get involved it will be to check whether you need any support, ensure that your daughter isn't at risk of this happening again by looking at safety measures and linking you in with other agencies or their own support workers if further help is needed.

Echobelly · 29/04/2020 19:42

Do tell the police - for all the talk of subtle 'grooming' the sad fact is that most of the 'people' just go straight to threats, blackmail and bombardment to get kids to do what they want, I'm sorry this has happened to your DD and hope she recovers well from the shock and upset.

bluebluezoo · 29/04/2020 19:42

how is it a crime? her daughter is 12 and has been groomed by a predatory paedophile and that is how the police will see it!!!!

Technically she has shared a sexual image of a child. That is a crime.

The police will not take any action due to the circs though. But it is a crime.

O/t but i wish people wouldn’t call them “nudes”. Makes it sound like tasteful arty stuff.

It’s sexual images of children. Much like the distinction between “child porn” and “images of child sexual abuse”

NoveltyFunsies · 29/04/2020 19:43

www.google.com/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/sending-a-naked-selfie-can-be-a-criminal-offence-but-not-many-teenagers-know-this-84149 Link to info regarding it being a crime, but as adventure has repeatedly said, it is very unlikely that the Police would take any action, although they are allowed to

Maldives2006 · 29/04/2020 19:43

Yes I was about to say CEOP I’m also going to report this thread as there is a child who is a victim of a sex crime and needs help

ToelessPobble · 29/04/2020 19:44

Oh and your daughter will not be prosecuted for it. At age 12 she will be seen as a victim, particularly as she is of an age where she is viewed by the police as unable to give consent for any sexual activity which would include sending nudes.

Weregoingonanadventure · 29/04/2020 19:45

@Greggers2017
Have I said she will be facing any sort of legal justice? No. I've made it pretty clear that it will be treated as safeguarding. But it will also be recorded. If I was reporting this, I would want to be armed with that knowledge before going in so I was blindsided by the police. It is important that people understand what they will be going through.

As I said, this isnt like reporting a theft or something. The OP and her daughter will, and absolutely should, be educated and offered support around this. And the daughter really needs to understand it. The OP needs to take action to prevent it happening again, until her daughter is old enough to handle social media.

ToelessPobble · 29/04/2020 19:45

Colleagues and I have worked on these types of cases so know more than someone who has heard from someone who goes to school.

MintyMabel · 29/04/2020 19:47

If she was harassed and pressured

Even if she wasn’t. Still report it.

ludothedog · 29/04/2020 19:47

Please don't be scared to report. No action will be taken towards your daughter, you both will be supported throughout.

And don't be angry with her. She needs your support and love right now. She has been through something scary and traumatic and everything to come.

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