Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

[Tinkerbellone]

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

I need to warn you now that you be shocked at the police reaction. They may not act and you may feel disappointed by that. You may be told to report it to police online and you never hear anything back.

Things will get better. It seems like life will never be the same again but it does move on and it will ok.

Thank you @DontStandSoCloseToMe. I was starting to feel a bit villified then for my view and experience

Ok so 'recording' in that it's in the police stats. Which of course it will be. But no personal info re the child that would be on any register or disclosable to anyone if no prosecution - surely that's key for the parents/child.

I wouldn’t know what to do I’m afraid. Police sounds a good idea if your daughter is on board with that.

You need to remember that what your daughter did was also a crime. It will be recorded by the police, but they are allowed to choose not to take any action.

OP please ignore these nonsensical responses. Your daughter was the victim of a crime, not the perpetrator of it. Also she doesn't need to be "on board with that." As a minor, she doesn't get a say in her legal guardian reporting a crime against her. Bear in mind also please that, as her legal guardian, you have a legal responsibility to report this crime. You also have a moral one.

@Weregoingonanadventure I feel like reporting your comments as victim blaming. You sound on your high horse and yet you sound as if you know nothing whilst up there.

The poor baby...

Not her fault (or yours)

1000% police; this is a disgusting, horrible crime and the bastard needs castrating.

I would be inclined to lie to her and say they have the pictures back.

Most importantly she comes off all social media and go back to basics with her about internet safety.

No words for you that can make this better other than not either of your faults

Yes, please do go to the police.
Is your dd on Tiktok? There's a "challenge" on there that pressures kids to send nudes.
www.hitc.com/en-gb/2020/04/27/what-is-the-foreigner-challenge-on-instagram-and-tiktok/
I hope your dd is okay

also it actually shows your a great mum that your child came to you when she needed you x

I’d have thought the first consideration would be to take her phone away and have a very serious conversation with her.i wouldn’t give her a phone with a camera until she was old enough to use it safely. I’d make sure I had access and oversight of any social media accounts and not allow unsupervised access.

Yes, she may have been persuaded but at twelve she assuredly knows right from wrong. Certainly speak to school and involve their safeguarding lead. Police would depend whether it was someone older or another silly twelve or thirteen year old.

@ShowOfHands are you a police officer? Or how do you know it will be reported as a crime?

Fair point re the child not having the appropriate intention to commit any crime - no mes rea no crime. And anyway definitely no public interest. No prosecution. Nothing recorded in any sort of public/disclosable register.
She was the victim of a crime and it needs to be reported.

@ToelessPobble thank you for what you are posting, what you are saying is complete true. Hers was linked to a paedophile ring in South Yorkshire I'm sure you're aware where this was.

Definitely police. Hope your dd is ok. She won't be the only one whose being subjected to this. Get the police to deal with it.

Also seen re people saying not to go to the police.

I've asked DH (an actual police officer) and his words were: 'Absolute bollocks; she's a victim of a crime.' No officer would charge her; at worst would have stern words.

Yes, she may have been persuaded but at twelve she assuredly knows right from wrong.

What the fuck sort of comment is this when we're talking about a twelve-year-old targeted by a pedophile? Victim blaming at it vilest.

Hi OP.
I have dealt with similar situations working with girls aged 13-15.

Can I suggest that you congratulate her for telling you, for following her instincts that something was wrong and explain that she is entitled to full control of her body image and sharing her body with people who she loves and trusts when she is a bit older to understand her sexuality.

I think it's really important to frame this up for her as something to learn from to keep herself safe, without perpetuating a sense of shame or disgust at herself.

@ToelessPobble what @Weregoingonanadventure said was true the OPs daughter is the creator of the image. There is no such age of consent over creation of images. You are the one spreading misinformation. It is however, unlikely the daughter will be charged. I have known of cases where an underage girl has been charged.

The record will not be attached to your daughter as you are being led to believe

In our force it absolutely will.

Primarily for safeguarding. It will be recorded as if there are future incidents there needs to be a full record to assess the safeguarding risk to the child and trigger multi agency intervention.

It also needs to be recorded for investigation purposes and follow up.

Due to her age it will be recorded as a “non crime” from her end. It will be a sexual crime for the offender.

Police, definitely.

A 12 year old needs supervising with a phone. Change the password on the wifi in the evening, and don't buy a data package for the phone, whatever it takes to ensure the child cannot access the internet without supervision.

And delete Instagram (after the police are done with the phone) because she's too young. Not until she is mature enough emotionally to come straight to you for help if she gets a scary/ dodgy/ bullying message on social media.

I'd be really concerned at the lack of assertiveness to be honest. You need to work on that with her.

Yes, you need to report it to the police on 101. It protects her and anyone else who may be vulnerable. She isn't the only one and she is 12, she is the victim, not the perpetrator.
The police will send a notification to children's services. This is to check your daughter is safe and that you did the right thing (calling the police is the right thing).
You are safeguarding her, they will offer you extra support, eg even more internet safety etc, possibly someone to talk to.
It also means that they will see if any other children have been affected.
It isn't something to worry about, you are looking after your daughter, other people don't. That's when children's services get involved.
Good luck with everything.

I agree with posters who say you should go to the police. Also, take the phone away - let her use it during the day whilst you can supervise.

I disagree with discussing the fallout too much with her. It’s overwhelming to think about this for an adult so for a child it could be traumatic hearing about what could happen with the photos. You should (and I’m sure you have) praises her for telling you.

Try and remain calm as you’ve mentioned, And pursue legal/police route : your DD can then see that there are some things she can still control, and that’s important.

@Tinkerbellone

Are you coming back to the thread? I feel very uncomfortable that someone would post about this type of topic (on AIBU of all places) then seemingly disappear.

Maybe posters should suspend posting their experiences until the OP returns.

And I agree with another poster that they're not 'nudes'.

They are indecent images of a child

You don't have a choice. You have to go to the Police. If It's someone 16 or over that counts as grooming. You have a duty of care not only to your DD but to any other potential or current victim, because very much doubt that she is the only one.
Thank God she's got the sort of relationship where she can go to you. That's not a bad mother in my book. The fact is you with the best will in the whole world to can't be stood over them 24/7.

@NoveltyFunsies - there is no such thing as child porn. It is child ABUSE