Help- DD12 sent nudes! Should I go to the police?

[Tinkerbellone]

My DD12 was pressured via instagram to send nudes. The person was not anyone she knew but they direct messaged her.
She was bombarded with explicit texts and pictures. She felt harassed to send.
She was terrified.
We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.
What do I do? She's tearful and emotional. I've stayed calm and listened.
Do I call the police? Will social services be involved? I admit I'm scared as to what to do!

why do people even allow a young, naive child Instagram in the world we live in

Your child's phone needs to be taken away, she isn’t safe to be online. If she wants to talk to friends she can do that on the phone with you in the room. It’s not like she currently needs the phone for emergencies on the school bus for example.

Once it is deemed appropriate for her to have her phone back. Overnight it goes in your bedroom with you and that’s where it stays until morning.

Yes you contact the police.
If social services were to get involved, then they get involved.

You also need to talk your dd about online safety yet again, and repeat and repeat. Once is not enough and it didn’t go in the first time so you repeat until it does

How does telling someone how the process works end up being touted as scaremongering?

The facts are that the girl also committed a crime, which has to be recorded. That is what happens. But it wont be treated as a legal case. It will be treated as safeguarding, so OP and her daughter will go through all that entails. They need that. They need the help; the daughter needs the support and also the education. She also needs to understand all the possible consequences.

@Weregoingonanadventure No it isn't like theft, it is significantly more serious and has more significant consequences for the child. Kids under 13 are not seen as being able to consent to sexual activity including sending indecent images and therefore it could not be treated as a crime committed by the child. This will be seen purely as a case of sexual exploitation and child abuse.

For heaven’s sake this child is the victim of a paedophile exactly the same as if she had been coerced into taking her clothes off in the flesh. There will be evidence on the child’s device now is not the time for people to talk about the technicality of the law.

Op I’m sending you and your daughter a big hug and look after your girl she’s going to need you

*It is being drilled into kids at school that creating and sharing an indecent image of a child is a crim
This situation does need to be treated as a safeguarding issue. The poor girl is a victim of a crime and needs to be supported. I'm almost certain she won't face consequences in law, but this: It is being drilled into kids at school that creating and sharing an indecent image of a child is a crime, even if the child in question is you. If you take a photo of yourself and send it then you are committed a crime. This is being drilled into the kids in our schools around here. is completely TRUE.

Nobody can have images of minors, including minors.

Yes report it. When someone asks and pressures a 12 year old to send inappropriate photos, it's called grooming. It doesn't matter that she sent them because the law protects children from ever being willing in a case like this the moment they are asked by the receiver to send the photos. Even if they asked nicely, it's still illegal. You do not ask anyone under the age of 16 to send photos, ever

This happened to a friend’s dd 12. They involved the Police and were dealt with very sensitively. Please ring them.

@ToelessPobble
And I have worked with this. Support worker in mental health.
But my comment about this being taught in schools was to correct all the people saying that it isnt a crime. Even children are being taught that it is, so adults should know that.

I have made it pretty clear that the response is going to be a safeguarding one, but the OP is about to go through it so should know what is coming. She should be armed with the information. As nice as all the "your poor daughter" posts are they dont give her much info.

We have always had talks about e-safety. Privacy.

Talking is absolutely useless as you have very shockingly found out.

I see Toeless has linked CEOP. There's a parallel website out there with advice on avoiding and dealing with this sort of thing. This link is to the page aimed at relevant age group: there are other age groups on there.

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_13/help/CEOP/

@ToelessPobble
What are you on about? I specifically said that this isnt like reporting a theft or something. With that, you report but you dont receive much attention afterwards. With this, you report it and then a record will be made about her child, safeguarding issues will be raised and that whole process will be followed. The OP should know that. She should be told what will happen.
It isnt a bad thing. It is necessary. Her daughter needs the support and education but the OP should know that it is coming rather than find out when they are with the police so she can be prepared.

Weregoingonanadventure - can you clarify your understanding / meaning in 'but this will be recorded as a crime? My thoughts would be that it would not be pursued on the basis that there is no public interest in prosecuting. Therefore no record as towards the child. Which is key.

No info? Like how to contact CEOP, the age which police don't consider a person as having capacity as being able to consent so that she will be seen as a victim? Ok, I have given no info. Sorry OP of that was of no help. I hope that everything gets sorted but please only listen to @Weregoingonanadventure as everybody else who has contributed knows nothing

Or even this one, sorry www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_13

Yes definitely go to the police.

@Tinkerbellone Please read the very sensible advice from @Weregoingonanadventure. It is highly unlikely that the Police [if in the UK] will take any action with your DD and if the recipient was over 16[18?] they may well do so with him. If he was well over 16[18][grooming] you will be doing a great service. Again if in UK the police will deal with this sensibly and sensitively. DD will always have an appropriate adult with her.

For future it may well be prudent to set up a routine whereby at 900pm the phone comes into plain view downstairs and is charged so that all can see. It does have the upside too that the phone will not run out of charge. If she pleads that all her friends have phones at night then it will be a good idea to contact all her friends' parents/carers to let them know that she will not be contactable after 900pm. It might also be worthwhile to let them know - not with any great details - why. They may well do similar

I know it’s hard to think now, but it will be ok. The police do need to know. And if sent to anyone at school them also. It can happen to girls and boys. You can only do your best, it’s great she spoke to you. You are not alone.

Yes tell the police

Yes tell police. This happened to a friend and it turned out to be linked to an organised ring on another continent!

The police must, by law, record all sexting incidents on their crime system but as of January 2016, they can decide not to take further action against the young person if it is not in the public interest. This will be at the discretion of the police.

@oblada There you go.

As repeatedly said, it will not be followed through as a criminal issue. It will be a safeguarding one. But the OP, and her daughter, should know what is coming. They cant just go in, make the complaint and then hope the never speak about it again. They will, and should, receive support and education on the issue. It wont all be done by Tuesday. The OP should be prepared so she can get her daughter through it, rather than being blindsided whilst with the police.

PPs are wrong other than toeless she is under 13 she is unable to consent to any sexual activity including images, this will NOT be recorded as a crime. You and she will be offered support, please please please report this. I work directly in this field and have for more than a decade, CEOP is the best way to report.

The record will not be attached to your daughter as you are being led to believe

Absolutely completely ignore the posters talking about your daughter having committed a crime 🙄 for goodness sake. I can categorically assure you that this will not be an issue.

But yes please talk to the police. And hurray that your poor daughter felt able to talk to you ❤️

I can't remember the username of the person that's saying the sending is a crime but I've just looked it up and I think you're getting confused. This situation would not qualify for the crime you are talking about.

Sending images within the same age group (under 16) to each other would be considered a crime for the sender. Sending an unsolicited image (the image is not asked for) would be considered a crime. This situation would not be considered a crime on the OP's DD's part because her daughter was asked for the image so that constitutes grooming and there was no consent. She didn't send the images unsolicited or share the images back and fore of herself and others. This situation wouldn't be taken into account to qualify as the crime you're talking about so there's little point in mentioning it

OP your poor daughter ! my sons 11 but these worrys seem so far away perhaps there not :( , please don't let her have bloody instagram especially a non private one .. and yes report to the police this person is now in possession of what is essentially child porn and she's been groomed and harassed into sending it , that's awful and definitely a police matter ... I take my sons phone of him from 7 , he isn't allowed any social media & also i have linked my phone to his (with his knowledge) and check randomly what hes been up to , i do this also with his laptop it shows me his usage and every site hes been on , he knows this and knows its to keep him safe .. perhaps you need to implement some of these things to protect your daughter ? although im not saying your a bad parent in anyway and you must not blame yourself for what happened, its a nightmare having a tween/teen with technology around, its so hard to know where to draw the line etc , i really feel for you both x